life as a journeyman

most people go through life never getting hold of their deal. what they do. what God uses them for. most of us settle into life and wish for excitement and adventure. we settle into a routine and calendar and that is where we stay.

learned a few years ago what my deal is.

i am a journeyman.

i will never be famous. never have wealth or connections. i probably will not be recognized as one of those guys who makes it to the top of the latter. never be in great demand for speaking engagements for big events. never will be considered for denominational positions. may write a book one day, but it wont make any kind of list.

not really sure when it happened, but it did. being willing to drop it all and go where ever is not a big deal to us. we do it cause it is what we do.and in my twisted way of thinking, i am sure God trusts me to do it. not that there are not a thousand other guys who would do it better, but He knows when he calls...i answer, PDQ.

the downside is there are no deep roots. my kids suffered a bit from that. we blow into town stay a few years and blow out again. leaving in the wake friends who have changed us and a foundation for others to come and build on.

the expansion of the understanding of God based soley on scripture has been our mantra...have bible, will travel.

so we are off again. not sure where this time. but it really does not matter. it would be cool if we could stay for a while in a place. but it don't matter. when, where, what...what ever. when ever. where ever.

never boring.

always faithful.

never alone.

always willing.

never settling.

always growing.

never satisfied.

always resting.

this is my life.

living in the land of fools

entertainment is king.

with all the technology available, what we value most is the ability to have music when we want it.

oil is king.

with all the advancement made in the automobile, we still use the same fuel we did when it all started.

sex is king.

we are so obsessed with sex, commercials for pills have taken over, and we wonder why kids get pregnant and std's are rampant..

prosperity is king.

with all the death and sickness in the world, American Christians take pride in being Gods favorite. we have to be. otherwise, why am i so blessed. he loves you, but i am his favorite.

opinion is king.

read a blog lately?

excuses are king.

no one takes responsibility for their actions. we are all victims.

drugs are king.

self medication has become accepted and encouraged, by the same people who sell boner pills.

culture is king.

what is culture? and who the hell gave them the permission to set the standard for everyone? exactly.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.
Galatians 4:4-5

Gypsy Faith

here we go again.

following him into the wide open.

resigned today, effective end of Feb.

who knows what lies ahead. i know who lies ahead. that is all that matters.

leather up, fuel up, hang on for the ride.

does not matter where. all i know is that the road is calling.

Schwetty Balls

I don't care who you are...
Alec Baldwin on SNL is hilarious!

looking ahead while remembering what is behind.

while i ride, i keep a sharp eye in my rear view mirror. having some one sneak up and catch you off guard is dangerous. i pay attention. if i don't, things can go wrong. look ahead and look behind.

each week i speak to a group of Middle school Students. it is not the easiest thing i do as a student ministries pastor. my strengths tend to be more evident when dealing with HS and college students.

ms (middle school) students have changed over the years. more defiant, more arrogant, more apathetic to the things of faith. this is the worst i have seen it in 13 years of student ministry. theay are the direct representation of the coming culture change.

don't mis-understand what i am going to say here. i love these kids and enjoy what i do, but the situation is more and more dire.

there has never been a group where the lack of true parental concern and involvement than the middle school students in this country.

why?

we are reaping what we are sowing.

meaning. we are obsessed with sex as a nation. every commercial break there is advertising for drugs for erectile dis function. and we wonder why our children are pregnant and having sex at such an early age. the fact they go to church makes no difference. sadly, christian marriages are no better off statistically than those who are outside the church. so commitment is a major issue.

respect for the things of God are fading in children because they fade in their parents.
passion for faith fades in children because their parents have no passion.
parents have no concern for the gospel and they pass this on to their kids. not by what they say, but by what they do not do.

we as a people better get hold of this situation.
we are raising a generation of people who have no concern and no clue about the ramifications of arrogance and immorality on the culture in which we live.
it is not the world that need wake from its slumber but the church of the living God.

there is hope because we are the church. we are the message of change and life.
there is hope because there are guys like nate and bobby who have given their lives to teach these kids. people like anna who have decided it is important that these kids know jesus and make him known.

is it difficult? hell yes.

it is worth it? heavens yes.

are we in crisis? hell yes.

should we give up? heavens no.

unleashed

i think about the highway a lot these days. seems as though it calls my name.

i often wonder if it echos in my soul so i can get away.

away from band wagons about movies. Christians are so quick to condemn movies. makes us look like idiots. yea, i want to get away from that.

away from 2 faced believers who say one thing and live another.

away from religion.

away from typical.

away from static.

away from the building.

not sure why i feel the need to look down the road. not sure why it is so inviting. maybe it is because of fences. i hate fences.

not sure why the road has become intoxicating.

maybe i have lost the will to fight. maybe i have been fighting the wrong battle.

not sure why i am drawn there. but i am.

i feel unleashed when i ride, set free. probably because i am going toward something. not sure what, but each time it becomes more and more exhilarating.

we all are like sheep...lost our way, wandering around with less passion than before, less hope, less...

This is how we roll...

This is how we give thanks...

1"When you come into the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance and have taken possession of it and live in it,

2 you shall take some of the first of all the fruit of the ground, which you harvest from your land that the LORD your God is giving you, and you shall put it in a basket, and you shall go to the place that the LORD your God will choose, to make his name to dwell there.

3And you shall go to the priest who is in office at that time and say to him, 'I declare today to the LORD your God that I have come into the land that the LORD swore to our fathers to give us.'

4Then the priest shall take the basket from your hand and set it down before the altar of the LORD your God.
5"And you shall make response before the LORD your God, 'A wandering Aramean was my father. And he went down into Egypt and sojourned there, few in number, and there he became a nation, great, mighty, and populous.

6And the Egyptians treated us harshly and humiliated us and laid on us hard labor.

7Then we cried to the LORD, the God of our fathers, and the LORD heard our voice and saw our affliction, our toil, and our oppression.

8And the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, with great deeds of terror, with signs and wonders.

9And he brought us into this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey. 10And behold, now I bring the first of the fruit of the ground, which you, O LORD, have given me.' And you shall set it down before the LORD your God and worship before the LORD your God.

11And you shall rejoice in all the good that the LORD your God has given to you and to your house, you, and the Levite, and the sojourner who is among you.

Deut 26:1-11

waiting

began reading Acts today. stopped dead in my thoughts, when Jesus told them to go to Jerusalem to wait.

more than anything i struggle with this. especially now.

but i wait.

for a mighty rushing wind?

for a burning bush?

for a still small voice?

for some huge earth shaking direction?

i wait.

frustration covers me like a winter blanket...heavy.

but, i wait.

we all know what happened in Jerusalem. they waited and the Spirit showed up and changed everything. impatience creeps up on me and i fight it off, killing it even. as it dies, one last scream..."what are you waiting for anyway?"

thought occurs to me...i really don't know. all i know is this...i was told to wait.

so. i wait.

take it up.

i had wanted so much for the words to be right. for 7 days, i let it mature in my mind. felt like it was what i needed to say. the words had been burned into my soul recently. a natural step for all believers, what we all need to hear.





but for some reason it seemed as though the timing was wrong. maybe it was not the right time.





i have seldom been so frustrated as i was tonight.





what seemed like the perfect time for a word was anything but. scattered teen angst, some freaky beepin noise that ruined what was left of a guarded moment for the hearers to connect.





the words have become heavy. almost to heavy to carry. there is a destination for them, but where is not known...today.





maybe tomorrow. maybe then there will be an opening. maybe then, the words, dripping with the spirit, with life, with death, can find rest in the heart of some one.





maybe, just maybe, the reality of the task has come. to long for these words to find their target in the souls of those around me. maybe the heaviness is here because of the prayers. prayers for the ministry of reconciliation and connection.





i had no idea they would be so heavy. no idea that it would hurt so bad when the words were not heard. no clue that it would be so painful.





heavy is this cross.

take it up.

so much to say...

so much has happened since the funeral.

so much to say, so much to download.

so much to think on.

so much.

i open my mouth to speak, and i am silenced...for now.

hopscotch

of all the things to do on this journey, hopscotch is not one i would have expected. but, thishas been no ordinary day...

yep, i played hopscotch with a huge 5year old.

who knows what is next...

Journey

James 1:5-8
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
6 But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,
8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

this is my chair...

this is my chair. there are many like it, but this one is mine.

sitting here i have prayed awesome prayers.

sitting here i have fashioned great messages from scripture.

sitting here i have counseled people.

sitting here i have experienced God.

sitting here i have seen life change.

sitting here i have cried.

sitting here i have led people to God.

sitting here i have lied.

sitting here i have given away my integrity for another ticket.

sitting here i have become restless.

sitting here i have repented.

sitting here, people in my community have died with out hope.

sitting here, i have turned a cause into a job.

sitting here i have become immobile.

sitting here, people have come to me.

sitting here i am getting old.

sitting here i am becoming apathetic.

sitting here passion is growing stale.

sitting here there is reason to be comfortable.

sitting here means i am not out there.

getting up from here is when it changes.

the prayer of a righteous man...

when i was a kid, i used to love to hear my grandfather pray. simple and powerful, with deep respect and love, and oozing with thanksgiving.

there have been times in my life when prayer has taken on something more than just dialogue. there have been glimpses of glory, moments of holy, preparation, encouragement and chastisement. i have been blessed to experience God in various situations, all through prayer.

last night, i sat and was wet with the rain of the spirit. it was as if there had come a point in my life i could ask for anything...absolutely anything from God and he would grant m request.

the mind races when we think we have the attention of the almighty. what should we ask for?
money?
job?
stuff?
security?
faith?
long life?

what i prayed for had nothing to do with me, my ministry, my family.

i realized at that point that abiding in him, and his words abiding in me, means i pray for what he wants...his glory, his renown, his power seen in and working through his children.

i woke up looking for an extraordinary day.

ended up being nothing special. another day in paradise.

but he is up to something. i feel it, his spirit is moving...preparing, equipping, unleashing. what ever it is, i want in on it. i want to be part of it. all of it. all of him, all of me. nothing left.

gonna take a trip soon. gonna leather up, take a ride to meet someone, sit and recieve. going to get something. not sure what. but i want it. looking for clues here and there. wondering, waiting, wanting. praying. ready.


unhindered.

say anything

for the last 12 plus years, i have had the privilege of speaking to teens at least once, many times twice a week from the sacred scriptures. it has been my privilege, my honor, my passion, my fear. seldom have i been more than 7 days with out preaching.

it has been 3 weeks.

3 weeks .

it is not as though there is nothing happening in my relationship with my father. freshness abounds and love pours down each morning. the longing to be in His presence consumes me each day and my time is spent listening and learning, waiting and asking.

but nothing has carried over from my daily worship time to my current vocation as a student ministry pastor.

there has never been something so perplexing, something so unwelcome, so silent in my ministry as this.

deafening silence.

Presence

went to Daytona on sat for Biketober fest. as my heart begins to move toward something else, i went to see. at first i wanted to promote. after all, we gotta market our deal. we gotta let them know. then he said, "just look." "i want you to see...really see." so, with a prayerful heart, I looked.

this is what I saw...

i saw how things are changing. some places actually reminded me of a Disneyland for motorcycle riders...not bikers, but riders.

i saw people who came to hide from life, to sink into the depths of debauchery.

i saw eyes filled with wonder and bewilderment.

i saw scantily clad women hanging onto the arms of middle age guys trying to hang onto a sense of accomplishment and pride. property. not help mates.

i saw thousands upon thousands of motorcycles.

i saw hundreds of christian ministries...walking around...doing nothing. reminded me of the American church (to an extent). present but not affecting any change in the community.

i saw an atmosphere of sex and pleasure. almost like shopping at the mall.

i saw a need.

i saw an opportunity.

i saw people in search.

i saw him. in the faces of half naked women, big burly bikers, nasty homeless folks, everywhere, i saw him.

here is the deal. this gathering of folks is no different than any other. people come together for different reasons, over a different agenda. all need the same thing. Jesus. they need to hear the truth of the gospel, the hope of salvation and the reality of a relationship. and they need folks to tell them.

as the church this is what we do...or are supposed to do.

I'm going.

not gonna miss any more opportunities. no more excuses, no more to busy, no more.

I'm going.

either there, or another place. down my street, to Sturgis, to Daytona, to wherever.

I'm going.

anyone what to go with?

the ride home

finished up the road trip where my ministry started. after a few days with the daughter and her family, precious time with the granddaughter, made it over to P-Cola for a quick visit.

spent the day with a brother i have been in contact with for several years, but had not met till Sat. a day of chillin, wings and family time. time well spent.

before heading home, went back to where it all started. what a welcome!. i felt like a rock star as people greeted me. smiles and genuine concern over current situations, and enjoyment over memories. it was good to be there. it seemed like home. spirit filled worship and preaching was good to be part of.

as i leathered up for the ride home, several things came to mind.

i am captivated by Jesus Christ. his will is my desire, his life is my pursuit, his pleasure is my satisfaction.

my family is a joy to me. grand kids are more than i expected. grown kids are special, they are happy, it makes me happy. if i die tonight, my life has been full.

however...

there is much to be done. the stew that cooks now is almost done.

tweaking is coming. change is part of the process.

the event and ministry will be bigger than i had imagined.

man i missed my wife.

i, we, must remain diligent over the small things.

my prayers for L over the months, seems to be developing into a journey.

how cool is it that God uses people we never met to help us, confirm, and encourage.

life is wonderful, difficult, treacherous, painful and worth it.

2 fisted prayer in cool weather, makin my way back home. people responding to what i have on my back. Jesus is moving and i want to be in on it.

back home. great week, great ride, great questions, great answers.

seeds planted, relationships renewed, and direction given...

nice. really nice.

needs a little pepper...

left home yesterday with great anticipation of the various stops to make.

started with my friend dub, who gave me a word from scripture.

Isaiah 42:9 NKJV

"Behold, the former things have come to pass,

And new things I declare;

before they spring forth, I tell you of them."

good stuff. definitely a new work going on in my life. good word.

left there, went to spend the day and night with my son, who, by the way, is wrestling with a call on his life. time well spent. watching him as a father, as a husband, as a student, and now, heading into the family business. deep roots. my grandson is a true joy to me. 3, and difficult, but a source of joy.

left this morning to a cool breeze as i headed up 75 to 10. stopped at the rest area, got of my bike, and spent the next 1/2 hour in prayer and praise to our great God. all decked out in leather and proudly wearing my colors, hands waiving and singing out back of the rest area. sweet worship and prayer. as another word from him came.

let's let that cook for just a bit more. needs a bit of pepper, maybe some tweaking.

these words were poured into my heart and spirit. answers. questions.

back on the road, enjoying 2 fisted communication, then the mind rests. i am reminded of diligence of thought. long forgiven sin erupts into my mind, things that have been long dealt with come rushing to the forefront. time spent remembering. to much time. rebuked them in Jesus name, remained diligent the rest of the day.

arrived at my daughters house this afternoon. blissful time with the granddaughter and daughter.

what happens tomorrow?

questions. answers. pots of stew. 2 fisted prayer.

2 fisted prayer time

taking a week to seek His face.

looking for something.

along the way, time with my kids and grandkids, seeing old friends, meeting a friend for the first time and praying through some stuff.

looking.

asking.

knocking.

expecting.

back in a week.

trivial things for a trivial life

i am in the midst of a change.

to quote Piper , i have been "staggered by the supremacy of God." because of that, the filter through which i have viewed life has become clear. clarity can be a dangerous thing.



the issue for me now is what really matters. having seen and experienced His presence in such a life changing way, everything is now brought into question.



why do i do this? why do i have this? is this needed or wanted? can i give this away? how valuable is this time over that time? how much wasted time do i spend in a day? do i need to go here? should i go there? why don't i have money to give this ministry? what if there is no support? when do we proceed? why did it take so long to understand?



as i begin to deal with the process of becoming more lean, mobile, in-tune, ready and prepared, the task is difficult, but one that is well worth the problems it may cause.



once you see Him...everything changes. nothing looks the same. trivial becomes boring.

once you experience Him...you can never go back. typical becomes trivial.



staggered by the supremacy of God.



one more step.

dark night of the soul

it waits for us. creeping around, silent, mysterious. we never know where exactly where it comes from. but it's there...waiting, crouching...ready to pounce.

it comes when we least expect it. after mountain top events, filled with awe and wonder. coming down from the mountain, going up, heading to church, sitting alone in grief, happy, free, in bondage. it gets us all.

the Quakers called it the dark night of the soul.

it covers us like a blanket of darkness, heavy with discomfort and fear. for some reason we feel alone and empty. prayers seem like brick made in our very mouth falling to the ground in heaps as we try to pray. the soul feels alone. the heart is heavy.

why would he leave us?

although he does not, we think he has.

the key is to do what we have done. persevere. most give up and sit. i have done my share of sitting. done my share of quiting. done my share of...crying in the dark.

no more.

be strong and courageous. break on through. never quit, never give up. cry, scream, fight, but never give in. stand firm, decide not to bow to the heaviness. though your knees may shake from the weight, stand.

why?

because it matters.

You know the day destroys the night

Night divides the day

Tried to run Tried to hide

Break on through to the other side

Break on through to the other side

Break on through to the other side,

yeah We chased our pleasures here

Dug our treasures there

But can you still recall The time we cried

Break on through to the other side

Break on through to the other side

the Doors

rain on me

living in South east Florida, the sureness of rain during the "season" is expected. unless there is a drought. lately we have been drenched. but the ground soaks it up like a desert. some clouds have rain, most are rainless for some reason. so we never know whether the clouds that are rolling in, as menacing as they may seem, will be filled with the rain we need.

spent a bit of time this morning watching students stand in the rain to pray for their schools and leaders at the annual "see ya at the pole" event. i watched as they prayed and became wet with rain. it was a picture of our father blessing them for their efforts to ak Him to move there. they were soaked, with water and with Him.

before i left home, i read Jude. not my usual read, kinda short, but full of wisdom. Jude spends a lot of time dealing with false teachers who are among other names "clouds without rain."

after thinking and praying over that, even now, this is what rose up.

there is nothing worse than thinking it is gonna rain and it doesn't. not a hint of rain. can't smell it (love the smell of a spring rain), can't feel what it provides, nothing but clouds.

lately there have been clouds that God has sent my way. in them he has used people to rain all over me.

L has poured out rain on me, needed, and soaked in. funny thing about this rain is that i was so skeptical of the amount of rain there was. was i wrong and was i blessed...am...continue to be. it matters what you do.

Sheri continues to rain on me. daily she sustains me and refreshes me. this morning, my mother told me of my step father getting baptized this week. he is 86. my face was wet with that rain.

Dub is a source of constant showers.

John is a welcome rain each day.

Steve clouds up and rains on me in the middle of the day.

my kids. the tables are turning here. they are now producing the storm.

there are plenty of people who are rainless. we know who they are. we see them coming, we know what to expect.

what we need is folks who always have enough supply to pour out on others. these folks spend time, real time with the father. not just for them, but to call others, to refresh others.

so you know, if we ever meet, i will cloud up and rain all over you...

on my mind...

i miss my brother.

some people are hungry tonight, i am misserably full.

grandkids are an infinate joy.

i have let people leave the faith with out a fight.

it is easy to kick some one while they are down.

christianity is not what we have been taught.

there is less compassion today.

there is more concern about being right.

ministry has become more about a paycheck than the glory of God.

i am safe tonight.

i miss my kids.

learning about true love was not easy.

God is not now, nor has he ever been fair.

i have never been the most important thing in Gods heart.

God is about the affection of God.

my wife is my true and lasting love.

student ministry has taught me the need for family faith. most don't have it.

many parents are simply clueless about the lives of their kids.

we are 1 generation away from complete godlessness.

there is hope.

time is not an issue.

money is not as important to me as it once was.

stuff is over rated.

fear does not scare me.

joy is real, it is deep, and you can't take it from me.

i still need to lose 20 lbs.

i still want to go to Ireland.

a good cuban is a good thing.

newcastle.

scripture is like a blanket. it is my covering.

i know what the bible says.

pride is still an issue.

i walk with God.

my harley is a treasure. not becasue of how it looks, but becasue of how it makes me feel.

my imagination is still a force to be reconed with.

always will be a mammas boy. i am because of who she is.

music moves me.

nothing like a 12 hour motorcycle ride.

her smile peirces my soul.

God has spoken to me.

church needs to refocus on Him...the real Him.

my name will go on.

i really miss my dad.

thanks for listening.

enjoy the ride.

Simple, godly distractions

there have been a few times in my life when i knew exactly where i was going. timing may be not yet revealed, but the direction is rock solid and sure. we are at this place. we know where we are headed.

sometimes, no matter how sure we are, opportunities arise that seem to rattle that focus. they come from weird places, they can come from left field. they can even come from godly places.

i got a call this week from my uncle. he is an old school baptist pastor. he has been serving the local church for 25 years or so. been at his current church for 15 years. my mom goes to this church, she teaches Sunday school. he has worked hard there. faithfully proclaiming the word, teaching, nurturing, encouraging.

he is retiring.

so i got the first call. he told me what was up and asked if i wanted to become the next pastor of this church. honored and flattered that he would asked, my mind races. genuine desire to pastor has always been on the back burner. student ministry is awesome, but i am close to moving on.

then i prayed. "this is not what i have for you." early in the morning, before the birds sing, before the sun rises, before the days activities take over our thought, these words came into my spirit.

of course i knew this. I knew it before he finished the conversation.

but it seemed so easy. the whole deal would have been so easy...to be distracted for my next deal.

so i called my mom first...she understood...sad but understood. then to uncle. he understood. my direction is in another place.

my life has been turned upside down lately. God has emptied me of my wants and filled me with vision, purpose and direction. nothing about where we are headed is easy. the journey will require great discipline, faithfulness and hard work. but it is what He has for me.

i find it interesting how easily we are distracted. not just by flashy things that call us from faithfulness, but things that we would seem to believe that come fro God himself.

the majority of believers seek what is easy. because of that desire, we are where we are. bouncing from ideal to emotion with no true sense of purpose and direction.

the task is great. the burden of his trust in me is a bit frightful. why he has chosen me for such a task is beyond me. there is nothing special nor is there any great giftedness in me. but he has. and i cling to that with great joy and anticipation and longing. knowing that what ever happens, i shall walk with him. and if nothing else happens from here on out...i still get to walk with him. side by side. alert and ready.

one more step.

Wall of Denial

"A wall of denial - is fallin’ down

Wo it’s fallin’ so hard - down to the ground

Never knew something so strong could be washed away by tears

But this wall of denial was just built on fear"

Stevie Ray Vaughn

i have spent years being controlled and led by the raw emotion of the soul.

reactions are quick, raw and sharp.

the smell of confrontation was intoxicating.

it made me feel alive.

right or wrong, it was the way i lived.

the realization of this has been somewhat difficult as of late.

as i try to move from reaction to understanding and purpose,

the reality is it is a hard road to leave.

as hard as it is to let that go, the frustration of living by that has long

since been overdue.

growth in the word, closeness of him who calls,

and recognition of the onslaught are breaking down the wall.

what was once a welcome feeling of raw emotion

has become a sick and heavy feeling.

change.

it is not always easy, but to actively take part in the

transformation from self to Christ likeness

is just amazing.

becoming.

more

like

Jesus.

tearing out the root so as to feel the pain, laying it at the feet of him who

understands the death oh so well.

remove the bricks that made the wall, so as to clear the foundation.

one more step. less is becoming more.

a day in the life

"now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field that the Lord God had made. and he said to the woman, indeed, has God said...?"

lately, my time in the word has been so fulfilling, it is a time I look forward to even the night before. our great God has poured himself into and on me in ways that have been almost overwhelming. even in areas that would seem boring or tedious, the Spirit has prodded me to push on and the reward has been sweet time of fellowship and joy.

today, i got up late. had an early meeting and did not get to my time with the Father at my usual time. I rushed out the door and headed to met a friend. ate breakfast, went for a ride and headed home.

all the while there was something missing. could not put my finger on it. just a gnawing, a feeling.

got home and realized what it was. had missed my time in the Word.

now. let me say this. I am certainly not a bible nazi. it is not my assertion that one should spend everyday all day submersed in scripture.

i will say that for me, and my relationship, God has led me to a new place and the means of this, the catalyst of this special time has been the "sacred text." in the bible we find Him, his love, his wrath, his mercy, his forgiveness, his greatness, his other thaness, his wonder, his plan, his son, his beauty, his protection, his help, his encouragement, his purpose, his help, his spirit, his work, his love, his world.

while some talk about what they think they know about the word, all i need to know is in the word. some talk about what it is not, i prefer to discuss what it is.

as for me and my deal with my God, he has chosen to use His word to lift me to Him, girded by His spirit and Son.

and for that, my day starts out at 6am filled with anticipation over the content in my bible. i am eternally thankful.

anticipation

it is late. there are numerous thoughts, regrets, fears, and exciting possibilities running through my mind. i sit and think and already i am looking forward to my time with Him. already anticipating Daniel 3. looking forward to our time together has become more and more wonderful.

after some time with Him, i leave for Birmingham AL for a national club meeting. 650 miles one way on my bike is something i have been looking forward to for some time now. i am anticipating some definite direction from the trip. words of confirmation, direction, poured into my mind and heart as i get away for a few days. funny how we, i, me, always have ideas of who, when and where things should take place. things always look different as the vision cooks for a bit. things added that did not taste good then, things taken away after the realization it was not the taste we were looking for.

i am anticipating change. change in my thoughts, change in my attitudes, change in my behaviour, change in my situation. longing for what i do not yet know is a bit testy. resting in the longing has been satisfying but strange.

a door has been closed it seems, but there has been no rush to open another, only wait. no need to crawl through a window, as i have been told before, my Father wants me walking in with eyes wide open.

looking forward to rest.
looking forward to a few moments with my daughter and granddaughter. can only stay a few moments.
looking forward to the soul scratch that is coming.
looking forward to seeing dub for coffee. Lord, thanks for him.
looking forward to 24/7. looking forward to finally getting that stuff sent out.
looking forward to seeing her again. just been gone for a day, but it is always to long.
looking forward to seeing my son and grandson on Sunday, only if for a few moments on the way home.
looking forward to growing old with her.
looking forward to time with Him. more time, sweeter time, unhindered time.
looking forward to then.

enjoying now.
living in now.
resting in now.
free now.
loving now.
changing now.
worshiping now.
dreaming of changing the world now, active in advancing the kingdom now.

going to bed now.

the upgrade

we had the opportunity to take a few days off this week. in desperate need of some chill time after the craziness of summer. i love youth minsitry, but the older i get, the more i need to unload.

time is being marked these days by a sense of excitement of the coming change. i feel it in the air, i can smell the aroma of rain. i breathe it in deep, hold it, enjoy the moment and exhale.

we went to the beach. 4 miles from our home. had a gift cert for a night on the beach in the Marriott. got there, got a huge upgrade. an extra free night, and a move to the presidential suite. water side private balcony and swank by the pound. it was nice, needed, and seen as what it was...a gift from my father. every moment was enjoyed and treasured as such.

i realized something about my walk with our father. most of my life with him, i have settled for a ground floor life. nominally dealing with attitudes, trying to get by, typical ups and downs...you know, basic American faith. i had actually began to believe that God existed to make much of me.

there had to be more to God than just giving me a beter life. that seemed a bit one sided.

i asked for an upgrade a few months ago.

i did not ask for penthouse faith, riches, wisdom, a big house or comfort. i asked for him. all he had to give. i had got to the point where nothing else would do. not the gifts, but the giver. not the blessings, but the blesser. a real moses moment. show me your glory? that is not a prayer that should be take lightly.

since then the most amazing transformation has take place.

in my mind at night is him. in my mind when i wake...him. songs rise up from my soul, prayers are not ceasing, concern grows, love immeasurable, contentment in his mercy...and hunger. my time in the word has consumed an hour or more a day.

visions for ministry that had me paralyzed me with fear have now become a desire of passion.

for those words were heavy, piercing and confirming. challenging and encouraging.

the future is bright with opportunity.
the opportunity to trust his provision.
the opportunity to experience true holiness, face down trembeling in his presence.
the opportunity to wait for his movement and not mine.
the opportunity to walk with him and know him.
the opportunity to live a legacy.
the opportunity to live out side the norm.
the opportunity to be driven by his wishes and carried to his bosom.

upgrade?

yes.

rain gear

two weeks ago, i got caught in a rain storm on my new bike. making a memory is all well and good, but the actual situation can be a pain. rain drops pelted my face and water made its way into every crevice and saturated every part of my body. when i arrived at the Harley store, i was dripping wet. i don't think i had ever been so wet.

my rain gear was at home. dry.

as i stood there in the parking lot, water flowing from me, and pouring out the flood that had gathered in my boots, an astute bystander asked if i had got caught in the storm. i just looked at him as i twisted out the water in my shirt.

my rain gear was at home. dry

similarly, this week, i was caught in another storm of sorts.

when we actually ask, seek and knock, our great God gives of himself to those who would "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

the storm came all at once.

there was no part of me that did not get drenched with the Spirit. all that I am had become soaked with His presence.

and me caught with out a hindrance and wall.
and me caught without any covering.
and me caught under the fountain that flowed from the throne of the creator.

our own understanding is where we get dried up.

somewhere we think we have it all figured out. we become the apple of our eye. we justify our actions and attitudes with what we want and where we want to go. the world has had enough of our understanding. the world needs his understanding. not ours.

his understanding. his outlook and his way. his cause his desires and his purpose.

have a seat. break out the word. take off the protective gear. get vulnerable. ask, seek and knock. get wet. then shake off the excess on to someone else.

"Ears and noses are the trophies of the day..."

Spent the evening in the throws of testosterone laced activities. after an evening ride on the new Harley, a plate of wings and a big glass of sweet tea, I settled into a night of football and finished up with watching The Gangs of New York. the opening scene sets the tone for the whole movie.

I have always enjoyed American History. and while this movie may not accurately represent the happenings then, it comes pretty close.

we have become somewhat diluted in our understanding of our past. while abortion seems to be the outcry of the faithful these days, we as a people have seldom had a respect for life.

it is quite comical actually. with the complete disregard for human life running rampant through out our glorious past, we now have become pleased with our achievements and have made ourselves the chief end of our affections.

lately, the honor has been mine to sit under the flowing mercies and affections of the creator. i have heard it said that "there can be no sense of God with out a sense of sin." in my experience this is true...initially. after the reality of our lack, comes flowing the reality of His supply.
the supply that comes from the riches of who He is and the daily provisions of His storehouse.

while these times have come and gone through out my life, one thing that remains is the desire to have him be my portion.

because of this great love in which he has poured out of me, my thoughts must change. not to make myself the chief end of my affections, but HIM and him alone.

may we seek holiness rather than wholeness.
may our affections be aimed at him and not ourselves.

may ears and noses never be the trophies of the day. but may we be trophies of his grace and mercy.

Ancient Affections

O worship the King, all glorious above,
O gratefully sing His power and His love;
Our Shield and Defender, the Ancient of Days,
Pavilion ed in splendor, and girded with praise.

O tell of His might, O sing of His grace,
Whose robe is the light, whose canopy space,
His chariots of wrath the deep thunderclouds form,
And dark is His path on the wings of the storm.

I stood with my granddaughter as we worshipped our great God this past week. I looked into her 2 month old eyes and affections for my God rose up within me.

at that moment I realized something. what I was participating in was ancient. I looked down the aisle and saw my lovely wife singing, my daughter singing and my son-n-law singing praises to our God. in quite possibly the same fashion that Moses, or David, or Isaiah had done. Maybe they held their kids or grand kids, and realized as they did that the faith, this God would be loved yet again through the next generation.

I presented her to Him as an affectionate offering of love for Him to use her and for His glory to blaze outward from her soul.

as a family we walked forward to receive communion. I looked at her while she cooed, received the bread and juice with thanksgiving for His sacrifice and life, for His death and burial and Resurrection. i wept from the pure joy of a God who would allow me to enjoy the gifts he offers to His children. He drew Himself from deep within my soul and showed Himself to be affectionate and desirous of the same. he doted over her, held me, knew me.

she has no clue to what she participated in that wonderful day.

but burned into my mind will always be a picture of us standing among the body, both present and past to honor, pay homage to, love and sing to the God of heaven.

may we realize the importance of connecting with the reality of the Ancient of Days. help us Lord not to try and make it new. Help us not to hurry past those things that connect us to the early believers.

help us to love you Lord. show us how to show affection to you. help us to realize we are mostly one way in our relationship with you.

may we never forget the ancient affections..

conversation hiatus

i read lots of stuff on the web. news, blogs and other stuff each day...trying to expand my view, take into consideration, listen, learn and grow. as Rob bell says, continuing the conversation, the dialogue...that is important.

there has been, at times, and endless supply of material to draw from in the well. the bucket always came up with something.

as of late i have tried to keep some juices flowing by comparing and complaining...like a good baptist does, but it seems as if there is a leak in the bucket, or there is as not as much in the well.

so. for a while, i will not be adding to the conversation. rather, i need to live it, enjoy my place at the table, saturate the sacred texts, as one has written.

thanks for the visits and words.

back in a while...

crazy love

she is back home. where she is supposed to be. i can breathe a little easier now, her presence fills the house, her smile and her beauty.

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that's where I belong
Yet I'm running to her like a river's song

Chorus:She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

Chorus:Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

And when I'm returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin' brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

Van Morrison

welcome home baby...

come, let us build for ourselves a city, a tower that will reach to heaven.

somewhere along the line, we became smart. we began to build for ourselves idols and barns that would show how smart we had become. we became enamored with our ability to think and reason, we liked the fact we had evolved, as it were, into such wonderful beings.

what once was would be no longer, what once was accepted would be left for new thoughts and creations in our image and our likeness. we left that which was simple and intimate for that which had become cold and distant...all for the sake of knowledge.

we lost the deep respect for the creator. no longer are we as Job was when he was asked to reply to his maker. we do not find it prudent nor of any importance to place our hands over our mouth, rather we have the nerve to demand and question the maker on His motives and His ways.

we set ourselves up on level ground with him, reminding ourselves that because of the image that rests in us we bring a great deal to the table and conversation.

we have become, in our own eyes, that which he is.

the security of holiness has been left for the created. while some seek physical pleasure, what is sought more and more among the chosen ones is the reinvention of the human status.

i have spent some time recently in Genesis. what I find so interesting is the God of mercy creating, destroying, and renewing...then confusing His creation all in the first 1 chapters of the book.

but what saddens me is this...
Gen 6:5-8
the the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
and the Lord was sorry that he made man on the earth, and he was grieved in his heart.
and the Lord said, I will blot our man whom I have created from the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky, for I am sorry that I have made them.

BUT...

Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

it was not long after the beginning, that the efforts of man became evident.

have we changed? have we turned?

the rest of scripture reveals we have not.

imagine, not a child's fairy tale, nor a cartoon, nor a funny modern movie. but imagine the horror of men, women and children as they realized they were meeting their doom with no hope.

the one who laid in them his own image destroyed them. he was sorry he made them.

some would say these are stories of myth. others would say they represent a deeper metaphor. still others would remind us that none of what we read here doesn't really matter anymore. some take all, others take what they like.

how far removed are we from babel?
from the flood?

as far as it is from our feet to our knees.

we are who we are. selfish, sinful, rebellious, hateful, mean, idolatrous, and full of pride.

BUT,

Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

never twain shall meet

i have been reading some ongoing dialogue between to completely opposing view concerning scripture on another blog.



not sure if they could be considered right or left wing stuff, but the chasm between the 2 is huge.



with such a diverse view of what scripture is and what it is not, it amazes me on what is left out of the discussion. in this case, it is god and his judgement on sin, or his lack of judgement on sin, and what sin is for that matter.

basically it turns into a denominational thing.



it could be said that one view is the traditional view and the other the more modern view, but it goes much deeper than that.



as i read, i detect a kind of pity and sometimes arrogance and disdain between the two for each other. maybe it is just me.



there has been lots said on the subject. but to quote another "with all this talk about forgiveness, what happened to holiness?"



true enough.



with all the discussion on what the bible is or is not, there has to be agreement on the intention. direction from God on who he is and how we should live in light of that.



but alas, when we cannot agree on the whole of scripture as being applicable to our lives, when we can pick and choose over one text verses another, then how can we agree on it's impact?



we try and start on a common ground in order to have civil discussions and dialogue. but there can be none of that in this case. i am usually right in the middle of such talk, but it has been interesting to be on the sidelines and watch how things unfold.



love has taken the place of the demands of scripture on repentance and unholiness.

acceptance of various lifestyles seen one way by some and another way by others can no longer be seen as sin, but as differing views on sex.

it has gone as far as one saying that all that matters is the words of Jesus. the rest of the bible is not important.



the others view.



sin is sin and will be judged by God, whether you believe it or not.

the whole bible is God's word. therefore, all that is said about lifestyles must be seen as how it is...still. God is a righteous judge.

read it here. http://www.newlifeemerging.blogspot.com/

i have been known to put on the bible what the bible does not demand of itself. bible nazi might describe it best. while i do relax my views somewhat on certain things concerning scripture, i am convinced of several things.

it is what it is...the word of God.
we do not have the luxury to choose what to believe and not based on our preference of who we may think god is or is not.
it is a wonder, and helpful in our daily lives.
it is amazing that we have such a book.

some look at the bible in a way that honors God and his holiness and judgement toward sin, others look at it in ways that honor God for his love and lack of judgement.

one will not get the other to buy into his way of thinking.

every now and then

every now and then we have the opportunity to look back.

mine is not the life that has commanded greatness nor seen as one that should be envied...in quiet desperation i have lived beyond my ability and in defiance of all that made any sense at all.

there have been no defining moments that have set me apart from others, or warranted acts of praise from others.

my life has been simple.

it would be nice to say i have learned from most of my mistakes, but it would not be true. i seem to struggle with the same issues i did early on in life.

what i have learned and cant seem to get over is true love and grace.

shown first in salvation through Jesus Christ and renewed each day. undeserving adn wonderful, beautiful and wonderous, complete and difficult to understand. knowing that He knows me, all of me, and trying to understand how He loves me inspite of that, leaves me with out proper words.

shown second in my marriage. my wife is more than i could have asked for. again, given by Him who knows what we need and giving. she is everything i am not. there is no me without her. without her in my life, something is not.

the chance to be a father is daunting at best. fear and faith live hand in hand. fear of my lack ability and faith in His. my son and my daughter have grown into adults, married and each with a child. my love for them is beyond my ability to express. having said that, the expression of that love is multilied when it comes to my grandkids. being pop pop magnifies in me all i have come to appreciate about life.

recently a death in our church family has left me thinking about all my shortcomings and the frailty of life.

all the questions we ask when we are first start out about makeing an impact or being diferent tend to make their way back to the well.

has it mattered? is what i gave my life for paying off in the kingdom? have my efforts been my efforts? are the few who remain enough? did i get it right? have i been faithful? what next? well done?

these are the thoughts of a man who looked back today.

some wear the shirt...others ride

had a conversation with a guy wearin a harley shirt while standing in line the other day. when i asked him what he rode, he answered "don't got one...just got the shirt."

i used to be like that. kept the shirt just to keep the dream alive. most of us fantasize about what we want by surrounding ourselves with tokens of what we want.

got me thinking...

no one is in control.
no one is safe.
no one want to suffer.
no one understands the reality of sin.
no one enjoys loss.
no one really believes the hype...do they?


some folks talk, others do.
some folks talk about God, others talk of him.
some folks wear the shirt, others ride.
some folks work to live, others work to live.
some folks complain, others take action.

some people depend on government, others depend on themselves.
some people expect a handout, others work to give.
some people look to get over, others do what it takes.

most of us say we believe...
most of us want a god in our image...
most of us treat the bible with less than...
most of us are short sighted...
most of us do what we want to do...
most of us have dirty little secrets...
most of us need to be reminded...
most of us want more stuff...
most of us want comfort and wealth...

all of us are sinners in need of redemption...
all of us have played the harlott...
all of us can make a difference...
all of us are not the same...
all of us need to remember...
all of us are are a blink away from eternity...
all of us stand in need of forgiveness...
all of us need to share the biblical gospel...mans need and god's provision.
all of us will die.

things of faith are difficult to discuss.
things are coming to an end.

Christ in you the hope of glory.

walk like a man

this pretty much sums up what i feel about getting old...

Walk like a man, and talk like a man.
Walk like a man, hey baby, you can call me your man.

A little girl asked me what am I gonna do,
When I get old and blue and worn clear through?
And I say by that time I ought to be in my prime,
Im gonna strut like a cock until Im ninety-nine.

Im gonna ...Walk Like a man, Talk like a man

Sometimes I feel its gettin late.
In life -- all that settlin down can wait,
till my routine days all seem the same.
Right now, Ive got to get on out, Ive got to make my day.

Im gonna ...

Grand Funk

lost

been home with out my love. i forget how much she means to me, her smell, her smile.
will see her tomorrow, but now i miss her. there is an ache in my soul when she is not here with me.

this is for my baby...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfRies4SRgk

see you soon

rites of passage

if we have lost one thing in our modern culture, it is rites of passage.

moving from childhood to adulthood is done quietly and with out much fanfare anymore. there is a recognition of grads...they get to wear their cap and gowns in church. we do celebrate marriage with drunken evenings, but that is about it.

when my son left home and moved out on his own, we had a family service and sent him out to serve the god of his father. i laid my hands on him, blessed him in jesus name and sent him out as a man. just like Isaac did. just like Jacob did. i am not sure it meant much to my son, but i will never forget it.

tonight, we celebrated a friends ordination.

as i laid my hands on him to pray, it hit me between the eyes. we were participating in the same event that had happend to timothy. there is heritage in that, deep roots in the christian faith. a rite of passage.

as we gloss over many of the traditions that have been in our faith, we must remember that it is in the remeberance of traditions that keep us connected. lest we become to modern and forget our heritage and beginings.

i remembered when i was ordained. as i took my place amoung the thousands who came before me and with my brothers who will come, i recall the laying on of hands and fan into flame the fire that is deep within my soul. i was reminded again tonight, the possibility and opportunity to be called a minister of the gospel. i also remembered the heaviness of responsibility, the reality of teaching true biblical principles, the accountability of being ready and righteous. the harsh ness of a confrontational salvation.

some one asked what his calling was. it made me think of my own...expanding the minds understanding of who god his, what his word says, and how i should live in view of those truths.

it is not ours to rewrite what the early fathers have written, only to continue the conversation. it is not ours to leave the church, but build her up in love and leadership.

taking our place amoung the faithful of god ties me directly with the prophets of old, the disciples and great men who have given their lives for the gospel.

i miss the days when stories were told of great rites of passage. i miss the days when it meant something to be part of a community of faith. i miss the stories of great moves of god that were told around a table or a fire.

oh that we would treasure the passages from one phase to another, one age to another.

on another note...my first grandaughter was born yesterday.

meet Ava Rowan...i have not met her, but she has already wrapped me around her finger.

maybe, just maybe, it will be her and jackson that will change the world. maybe they will live with recklace abandon toward their god. maybe...

i remember

there are many who grieve today. grieve at the loss of a brother, sister, son or daughter...uncle, aunt, dad, mom. lives lost in war.

people who gave their lives for an ideal.

people who believed in what they were doing.

people who sacrificed the ultimate...their lives.

i remember them today.

this country was built on the blood and sacrifice of those who have fought in wars. war that defended our way of life. i can bitch and moan at the degridation of morality and faith becasue otehrs died to make it so.

for all the freedoms i enjoy were purchased on the death of men and women who gave.

what pisses me off the most is what makes us great. difference. we cannot expect to be heard unless we are willing to listen. we cannot expect to live free untill others are willing to die. we cannot realize safety until someone stands guard on the wall.

to all who gave, thanks. for all who remain in service, thanks. for you who are abroad and fighting while we back here complain...i am sorry. you are who we need to be. thanks for your sacrifice and your willingness.

american 1

day at disney and pirate wood

after spewing bile from the depths of my frustration last week, it was a pleasure to spend the day with my son and his family for the big 3rd birthday celebration of my grandson jackson. it had been a while since i have been to dinsey, and quite honestly, had reservations about how things would go.

most people start out well at those places, then after bout an hour, things seem to go awry. such was the case with us. from the begining of the day till the time we left it was most pleasant and enjoyable.

watching the wonder in the eyes of a 3 year old is something i would suggest everyone do. there is a beauty inside the soul of a child as they see things for the first time.

my son and his wife have become wonderful parents. it is a pleasure to see them interact with their son.

the most interesting ride of the day had to be the pirate ride. it was all going quite well till the end. i look up at the trio of sea going outlaws as they played the old pirates life for me bit, and was taken aback by what was seemingly staring me in the face. the guitar playing pirate was sporting a bit of pirate wood. not sure i know what else to say about that.

i am continually amazed at how both my kids have grown into wonderful people. expectations of how parents will fit into the whole picture after marriage are often difficult at best. but after a while, after a bit of re thinking, things seem to settle into the way they will be.

as i get older i realize that family means more to me than it did in my 20's. it is a trip we all have to make. the trouble is no one listens till they have to make it.

i have learned several things about my kids. they are different. they change even now every few years. they will be great parents and learn the way we did...by doing.

i have learned something about my self...i want many grandkids. and i am not at all interested in the pirate life anymore.

primal urgency

over the years i have tried to understand the trends of faith in our country. i have been lured into thoughts that seemed right, only to be reminded of the deception. post modern, modern, traditional, contemporary...all thoughts to salve our personal agendas. if it is old, it can't be right. we are special, this is how it is supposed to be.

it seems that the further we get from the cross of jesus (in time and focus), the further we are away from the actual teachings of Jesus, the further removed we are from ancient, the more willing we become to dilute and demean the gospels and scripture over all. sometimes i place on scripture what it does not place on itself...but it is a guide, a plum line, a cornerstone to hold as examples, doctirne and surity.

i have noticed as i read certain writings that a great deal talk about the acceptance of sin as hang ups and lifestyles, there exists a double standard of sorts. but the same people will write of an all encompassing love that makes it ok as long as you just love. at the same time any one who tries to dialogue about scripture, they are demeaned and dismissed as lacking in gnosis. like they have been enlightened. so love can't be there starting point...it must be agenda.

as we all know this is nothing new. for thousands of years people have rose from the ashes of orthodoxy and stated that the early fathers of the faith had it wrong. if they were influential, they were not at all right in their thinking.

we now have the benefit of hindsight, but we are as blind as ever.

most of the discussion comes at the thought of the american doctrine of ease and non confrontation. live and let live. don't judge, jesus did not so we should not. we are not allowed to stand against any teaching on love because to do so states that you are not loving.

we twist and manipulates words found not only in scripture, but make op thoughts and schemes to justify our own desire to be accepting for all BUT those who would be attempting to live in accordance with the morals found in scripture.

the sad thing is that it will get worse.

within 20 years the american church will lose it's non profit status. ministers who are now supported by the gifts of their congregation will become forced to hold jobs and preach. we should lose 75% of pastors then. members will stop giving when it does not become a tax issue.
people by the thousands will be rocked by some event that will send the membership fleeing from our churches because their faith will be thought to be proved wrong.

we will loses our influence in government. which will be a blessing, and then our faith will cease to be a political party, only to come to the realization that we have been whores since the days of Constantine

we will be forced back underground where we belong. returning to a movement that rises up to effect real change. not from the glorious houses of worship we now sit in, but from street corners and in ally ways and inner cities. not from the halls of government, but inside the skin suit.

our hope is only found in jesus christ. not the made up jesus we are hearing about, but the ugly one who was hung on a stick for the glory of his father.

we must conform to him as told in the old and new testaments, not our american version we have made into a cross between a rock star, a psycologist and mother teresa. we cannot pick and choose what we shall believe just to justify our sin and unwillingness to live in holiness.

our churches are filled with men whose egos are larger than the buildings in which they sit. the majority of us who serve on staff do none of the things we ask those who sit under our leadership to do. unless it is directly related to our career as ministers, we seldom are sharing jesus with others, we seldom look for accountability, we seldom are involved in any ministry that would bring us into community.

yet, we talk down to others who fall from grace as it were, who did not have the checks and ballances we tell our people to have (or us for that matter), look with pity on those who fail to reach the stature we have.

these rambelings come from a frustration in my own life for my own lack of passion for the kingdom of jesus. how dare me not be involved in a life or people around me outside my job.

come now...let us return to the lord. though we are as scarlet, he shall make us white as snow.

stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths,
where the good way is, and walk in it;
and you will find rest for your souls.

the end, newness and a tribute

sometimes things happen that catch us by suprise. things are said at the right time, a look is given and a realization comes that this may be a new direction.

I have been married for 26 years.

i am no longer in love with the woman i married. over the years, she became some one else, i became someone else. it has been difficult to try and keep returning to that one place in life when it was her i married. that was then, this is now.

i cant really say when it happened, i guess it does not matter. somewhere along the line, things changed. we evolved into different people.

what has happened that give me great hope for the future is a newness. it all started with a glimpse, a smile. it was innocent enough at first, but quickly turned into something more serious. call it a mid life crisis, call it weird, call it what ever you like. it is my life and i will do as i please.

we are madly in live with each other.

she gives me that giddy feeling when i see her. the smell of her hair when she is close drives me crazy, her smile is meant for me alone. she has had life experience that brings conversation that is intriuging. she dreams big and has purpose in her eyes.

she is not the same person i married. she has grown into a woman of deep faith and honor. she is loyal and energetic. she is beautiful and wholesome. she is sexy and crazy. she meets my every need. she is truly my helper in life.

she has endured pain and frustration, anger and fear. stepped out in faith and soared in freedom.

she is the mother of 2 grown kids and 2 grandkids. she led them both to faith in christ. they know who she is and understand her love for them. if they could tap into just a portion of her love she has shown to her husband, and apply it to their spouse, their lives would be amazing.

she is strong and gentle. she is sure of her abilities, yet shy in situations. she looks at me and and i know she will always support me.

she is not the woman i married. she is so much more.

happy mothers day baby...

i am madly in love with you. because of you, i am a better man. because of you, this world is a better place. because of you, i have been able to experience love i did not know existed.

now a few words from her kids...

What can I say about my mom? She’s the sweetest person I have ever known. She’s kind, caring, and loves her family more than anything in the world. She’s one of my best friends. We tell each other practically everything. If I’ve ever needed something, she’s always been there for me. She’s been an incredible “Nannie” to my nephew Jackson and I know that she will be to my little girl when she gets here! My mom is a person who loves God with all her heart. She’s a prayer warrior. She’s come through so much in her life by purely trusting God alone. I think that He has blessed that loyalty and made her a deliriously happy person. I love my mom so much and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She deserves more than just one day to celebrate her incredible “motherness.” Happy Mother’s Day, Momma! I miss you and can’t wait to see you!

Linsey


My mother is loving, caring and hospitable. She is always thinking of others before herself. She has had to deal with a lot over the years, and she should be given a medal for handling everything in life the way she has. I definitely didn't make it easy on her when I was growing up, but she has always loved me for who I am. She has always been the one I can talk to when things go wrong, and she lovingly tells me the truth. She truly cares about everyone around her and shows that in every way she can. My mother's great and I love her with all of my heart. Happy Mother's Day Momma. TJ