our world is a maze of contracting viewpoints all clammoring for a bit of time and space.
each has a heartfelt passion that calls for cold hard belief. people are moved each day to put their thoughts down on paper, blogs and in song to push a point of view or a belief that demands a side be chosen.
so many of these views and ideas slide for the less friction route. easy, non committal and comfortable.
others are diametrically opposed thoughts that try and work in several thoughts in order to justify actions.
kids were becoming to competitive, so we stopped keeping score at T-ball games, so as to teach them equal time and fun. but recently, the end result has become a society that is all competition. from dancing to singing, the thought is if you are not good enough, the tribe has spoken.
almost every aspect of daily life is affected by these to conflicting views.
Faith for instance.
the spiritual realm in our country is quickly becoming an exasperating list of "what if's". each view point (as well as mine) rushing to the Areopagus to stand and be recognized as valid. all looking for acceptance, but few things changing in our land.
more is written about faith and spiritual issues today than any other time in history, yet we as a people still look inside ourselves for justification and acceptance.
we bring down the majesty of a holy god by deciding to make him human. we put human characteristics on him, demand he be fair, stand in his presence with no respect as we call on him to change others, cry out for injustice when we experienceing the least bit of suffering, all the while deciding that he conform to our thought process concerning history, his word, and his purposes.
of all these things, I am chief.
yet my soul yearns for all that he is. having settled it in my heart that he is more, I am forced away from the mirror and driven to my knees.
we all walk a tight rope of sorts. some struggling to get ballance, others hoping there is a net. while still there are others who know the net exists refuse to go very far from the comfort of a hand rail.
we hope god is as we picture. we hope that our theology is how we think. can there be so many conflicting views? can we talk of a god who who is one way with such a confidence so as to be forced to ask the really difficult questions?
can so many be wrong?
can so many be right?
I fear we ask only the questions that we are alowed to ask...here, in the safety of free speech. for what good is a question of faith and belief if it cannot be ask where it is against the law to ask?
can we be so confident of our views and thoughts as to be willing to die a death left only for so called blasphemers and heretics?
ours is a country of convenience where a generation rests on the shoulders of those who were willing to sacrifice for a cause. this is a generation that has sought for the niceties of scoreless t-ball games, but screams for the competition that allows for a better than you reality.
Jesus spoke of a narrow road and a recognition of the Master when a life of service had been lived and poured out like an offering.
the reward of an eternity with the one who created us has been replaced with blue prints of a big mansion to pat us on the back for a lifetime of pew sitting and being part of the "not club."
with so many who claim to have been enlightened with truth, why is it that so many remain without hope? with so many books written about how to find a purpose, 10 ways to unlock your financial blessings in Jesus, setting free the blessings in you, becoming all you are meant to be...one would think that attitudes about self and church would be different.
Caught up in a whirlwind, can't catch my breath.
Knee deep in hot water, broke out in cold sweat.
Can't catch a turtle, in this rat race.
Feels like I'm losing ground, at a breakneck pace.
Afraid of my own shadow, in the face of grace.
Heart full of darkness, spotlight on my face.
There was love all around me, but I was looking for revenge.
Thank God it never found me, would have been the end.
Walkin' the tight rope, steppin on my friends
Walkin' the tight rope, was a shame and a sin.
Walkin' the tight rope, between wrong and right.
Walkin' the tight rope, both day and night.
Lookin' back in front of me, in the mirror's grin.
Through eyes of love I see, I'm really lookin at a friend
We've had all our problems, that's the way life is.
My heart goes out to others, who are there to make amends.
(Walkin' the tightrope) Trying to make it right
Every day and every night Bring it all around.
From the lost to found. Streched around the world.
Save the boys and girls. Let's make it right.
Do it, do it tonight.
Walkin the tightrope.
Stevie Ray Vaughn
2.27.2006
2.19.2006
"Searching for a handle on the moment?"
Moments.
Good ones, bad one. String some together and an event happens. But it is the moments that so quickly pass us by, leaving us searching for a handle that we might hold on just a bit longer.
we stood there in the lake that day. The sun was shining off her eyes. She was so beautiful. Breath taking. I kissed her. We were so young. I had no clue what I was doing. She knew that.
I rolled over and looked at her, lying there as a glow seemed to cover her face. Beauty that comes from commitment and loyalty, beauty that comes from within. Peacefully she slept. I thought of all the wonderful moments we have shared together through the years. When she wakes, she smiles. And the light shines in the room.
He was so tiny. As I carried him I talked to him. He slept most of the walk. I was so young, he was so small. When I told him how much I loved him he woke up and our eyes met. He recognized me, or at least it looked like he did. Even if he didn't, it could not have happened at a more wonderful time.
She was in so much pain. Her ears hurt so bad. I held her tight and she cried. A couple of times as the pain subsided, she would look at me and smile. She did not understand why she was hurting. But she knew if daddy could take the pain away, he would. She cried, I cried and we waited. Finally the nurse called us to the back. She was scared but she knew I would protect her.
We got to the part when it was my turn to speak. I looked at him and at her and began to read the words trying to choke back the lump that had grew in my throat. But my notes were different than what he said. We were both supposed to say the same thing. He spoke to his daughter, I spoke to my son. But he left off part of my notes. He had them memorized, but I had only done 2 weddings. But we got through. He mumbled under his breath loud enough for me to hear. I repeated what he said, and my son repeated what I said.
He walked into the room where we had been waiting for what seemed to be an eternity. His face was red, his eyes were watering. Joy fell from him as drops of rain falling from the sky. The room was filled with anticipation. As eloquently as he knew how, he described his own son as he was born. "he is so freaking beautiful" he cried. He cried, we all cried.
her eyes were filled with sadness. Tears were drippin from her face onto the blanket in her lap. She is grown now, I thought. My little girl is all grown up. But through the disappointment and sadness, and even in the midst of anger, my little girl peeked through and I was reminded where love reigns.
It actually felt like my body had come off the floor and I was floating around the building. I heard my self praying, but there was a presence there. I was both excited and filled with terror. Words came from my spirit, deep groanings that seemed to call out to the very throne. Time seemed to stand still. A river flowed from my heart and what seemed like a mist settled over the room. I said Amen, and returned to the seat along side my wife. Yet the sense of holiness and wonder had not left. I could not sing, I could not speak, all I could do was cry. In the midst of 3500 people, I was alone on the mount looking directly into the Bush that had burned since eternity past. I was on holy ground.
I was waken from a dead sleep. He called my name, and immediately, I knew the voice. As I crawled from bed I noticed it was 3 am. For the next 3 hours, this loving God I had come to know and recently taken so much for granted, had showered me with His wrath. For three hours I wept. Whom He loves, He reproves.
To this day a phone that rings while I sleep sends shivers down my spine. Weeping violently on the other end of the phone line my mother choked out the words "Jeff he is dead. Tony is dead"
the 3 hour drive was spent mostly in quiet assurance that there had been some sort of mistake. There was no way this was real. I knew when I pulled up in the yard he would be there. He was not.
These are a few moments in my life. The handle as faded on some, no grip to get my hand onto from years of trying to hold on. Others, however, call out to me from a deep place and I hopelessly try to get some grip.
I find that pain and joy fill the same place. I find that loss and hope both are more dear.
control has always been a lie.
moments in time make up our lives. Some hurt, other feel good. I am sure I would take one over the other, but the chance or the offer has never been given.
Good ones, bad one. String some together and an event happens. But it is the moments that so quickly pass us by, leaving us searching for a handle that we might hold on just a bit longer.
we stood there in the lake that day. The sun was shining off her eyes. She was so beautiful. Breath taking. I kissed her. We were so young. I had no clue what I was doing. She knew that.
I rolled over and looked at her, lying there as a glow seemed to cover her face. Beauty that comes from commitment and loyalty, beauty that comes from within. Peacefully she slept. I thought of all the wonderful moments we have shared together through the years. When she wakes, she smiles. And the light shines in the room.
He was so tiny. As I carried him I talked to him. He slept most of the walk. I was so young, he was so small. When I told him how much I loved him he woke up and our eyes met. He recognized me, or at least it looked like he did. Even if he didn't, it could not have happened at a more wonderful time.
She was in so much pain. Her ears hurt so bad. I held her tight and she cried. A couple of times as the pain subsided, she would look at me and smile. She did not understand why she was hurting. But she knew if daddy could take the pain away, he would. She cried, I cried and we waited. Finally the nurse called us to the back. She was scared but she knew I would protect her.
We got to the part when it was my turn to speak. I looked at him and at her and began to read the words trying to choke back the lump that had grew in my throat. But my notes were different than what he said. We were both supposed to say the same thing. He spoke to his daughter, I spoke to my son. But he left off part of my notes. He had them memorized, but I had only done 2 weddings. But we got through. He mumbled under his breath loud enough for me to hear. I repeated what he said, and my son repeated what I said.
He walked into the room where we had been waiting for what seemed to be an eternity. His face was red, his eyes were watering. Joy fell from him as drops of rain falling from the sky. The room was filled with anticipation. As eloquently as he knew how, he described his own son as he was born. "he is so freaking beautiful" he cried. He cried, we all cried.
her eyes were filled with sadness. Tears were drippin from her face onto the blanket in her lap. She is grown now, I thought. My little girl is all grown up. But through the disappointment and sadness, and even in the midst of anger, my little girl peeked through and I was reminded where love reigns.
It actually felt like my body had come off the floor and I was floating around the building. I heard my self praying, but there was a presence there. I was both excited and filled with terror. Words came from my spirit, deep groanings that seemed to call out to the very throne. Time seemed to stand still. A river flowed from my heart and what seemed like a mist settled over the room. I said Amen, and returned to the seat along side my wife. Yet the sense of holiness and wonder had not left. I could not sing, I could not speak, all I could do was cry. In the midst of 3500 people, I was alone on the mount looking directly into the Bush that had burned since eternity past. I was on holy ground.
I was waken from a dead sleep. He called my name, and immediately, I knew the voice. As I crawled from bed I noticed it was 3 am. For the next 3 hours, this loving God I had come to know and recently taken so much for granted, had showered me with His wrath. For three hours I wept. Whom He loves, He reproves.
To this day a phone that rings while I sleep sends shivers down my spine. Weeping violently on the other end of the phone line my mother choked out the words "Jeff he is dead. Tony is dead"
the 3 hour drive was spent mostly in quiet assurance that there had been some sort of mistake. There was no way this was real. I knew when I pulled up in the yard he would be there. He was not.
These are a few moments in my life. The handle as faded on some, no grip to get my hand onto from years of trying to hold on. Others, however, call out to me from a deep place and I hopelessly try to get some grip.
I find that pain and joy fill the same place. I find that loss and hope both are more dear.
control has always been a lie.
moments in time make up our lives. Some hurt, other feel good. I am sure I would take one over the other, but the chance or the offer has never been given.
2.13.2006
Hatchet man
Today was the 3rd time i have had to fire some one in 8 months. there was no other way. it had to be done for the betterment of the company and the branch.
life can be difficult. people loose there jobs every day. laid off, fired, what ever.
it is never easy, and I do not like the way I fealt afterward.
sometimes sacrifice must be made by one to keep the unity of the group.
we spent the week end with the youth at our church at a disciple now. been a while. I actually wanted it to go bad so as not to reignite the flame that seems to continually burn for students. it went well, and the flame seems to burn even brighter. the look of hope and excitement in theie eyes as they were told of our magnificent God is so intoxicating. It turns out that i miss student ministry. I must me crazy.
I am not as pliable as I once was. we played paintball and the bruises of the attacks linger and remain much more painful than i remembered. the ground is not as soft as i remember.
or...
it may be I am out of shape and in need of a regiman.
The Holy Spirit flooded my soul yesterday.
funny, all the talks I hav had about church and the difference believers are to make in the world was left with out the key ingredidnt. The Holy Spirit.
for with out His power, we are mearly clanging cymbals, fruitless garderners, loveless people, and powerless wannabe's.
may He remind us of the need to be guided, filled, and evident of the filling of His great Spirit.
empowerment for witness. grace for compassion. hope for the world. passionate for worship.
all brought to you by the death of jesus and sealed by His Spirit.
Breathe on me.
life can be difficult. people loose there jobs every day. laid off, fired, what ever.
it is never easy, and I do not like the way I fealt afterward.
sometimes sacrifice must be made by one to keep the unity of the group.
we spent the week end with the youth at our church at a disciple now. been a while. I actually wanted it to go bad so as not to reignite the flame that seems to continually burn for students. it went well, and the flame seems to burn even brighter. the look of hope and excitement in theie eyes as they were told of our magnificent God is so intoxicating. It turns out that i miss student ministry. I must me crazy.
I am not as pliable as I once was. we played paintball and the bruises of the attacks linger and remain much more painful than i remembered. the ground is not as soft as i remember.
or...
it may be I am out of shape and in need of a regiman.
The Holy Spirit flooded my soul yesterday.
funny, all the talks I hav had about church and the difference believers are to make in the world was left with out the key ingredidnt. The Holy Spirit.
for with out His power, we are mearly clanging cymbals, fruitless garderners, loveless people, and powerless wannabe's.
may He remind us of the need to be guided, filled, and evident of the filling of His great Spirit.
empowerment for witness. grace for compassion. hope for the world. passionate for worship.
all brought to you by the death of jesus and sealed by His Spirit.
Breathe on me.
2.12.2006
Islam proetest, and the American Church
in Muslim countires all over the world, people are viontly protesting how their God or Prohphet was seemingly in a free society newspaper. Muslim folks have become violent and that vioe;ence is spreading across Europe. I find that type of commitment to ones relegion, as it were, very refresshing.
I also fing the Ameican responce to years of nisrepresentation of our God, ridiculed in the market place, his likeness, for lack of a better word, placed in a vile of urine and called art. people have mocked my savior and I have said nothing.
I am a child of grace. it is for love Icommit to be a voice , a presece, a word of love and part of the battle.
rather that turn the news off and do something else. it is time for Holy Spirit Transformed people to stand up and be counted
being pushed out of the market place, over run becasue lack of backbone and mostly to see God honored amoung the nations, have brought us once again to our secret weapon...The Political arena. where all can be made right just by voting the right person into office.
1 Sam 17:26-27
26 Then David spoke to the men who were standing by him, saying, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine, and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?""
we need more men filled with the holy spirit of God to stand and be strong against those who would pervert the thruth, understand that the battle belongs to the Lord.
Here to the battle ahead....plus I got this cool sword I wanna use.
I also fing the Ameican responce to years of nisrepresentation of our God, ridiculed in the market place, his likeness, for lack of a better word, placed in a vile of urine and called art. people have mocked my savior and I have said nothing.
I am a child of grace. it is for love Icommit to be a voice , a presece, a word of love and part of the battle.
rather that turn the news off and do something else. it is time for Holy Spirit Transformed people to stand up and be counted
being pushed out of the market place, over run becasue lack of backbone and mostly to see God honored amoung the nations, have brought us once again to our secret weapon...The Political arena. where all can be made right just by voting the right person into office.
1 Sam 17:26-27
26 Then David spoke to the men who were standing by him, saying, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine, and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?""
we need more men filled with the holy spirit of God to stand and be strong against those who would pervert the thruth, understand that the battle belongs to the Lord.
Here to the battle ahead....plus I got this cool sword I wanna use.
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