3.25.2007

the line

I keep a Close Watch on This Heart Of Mine
I Keep my Eyes wide open all The Time
I Keep The Ends Out for The Tie That Binds
Because your Mine
I Walk The Line

I Find It Very Very Easy To Be True
I Find Myself Alone When The Day Is Through
Yes, I'll Admit That I'm A fool For You
Because Your Mine I walk The Line
As Sure as Night Is Dark And Day Is Light
I Keep You On My Mind Both Day And Night
And Happiness I've Known Proves That It's Right
Because Your Mine I Walk The Line

You've Got A Way To Keep Me On your Side
You Give Me Cause For Love That I Can't Hide
For You I Know I'd Even Try To Turn The Tide
Because Your Mine I Walk The Line

I Keep A Close Watch On This Heart Of Mine
I Keep My Eyes Wide Open All The Time
I Keep The Ends Out For The Tie That Binds
Because Your Mine I Walk The Line





there is a line.





most of the time we are not close enough to see it but it is there.





our words may not mention it but it is there.





we walk it so easily, make mention of it in our prayers. all the while, we fear it.





as long as the issue is nameless, as long as the perpetrator is faceless all is well.





the line is huge now. names and faces are all along it. familiar faces.





i remember jesus writing some stuff on a line in the sand. the harlotte was not behind bars though. she was with him.





is this different?





how can I stand on one side and talk across to the other? do i encourage others to do the same.





truth is, sooner or later, all this becomes a memory. sometimes a purposeful memory. we want it to fade away...quitely.





the line.





johnny walked it in one way.





i struggle to walk it here.





for his sake and mine.

3.22.2007

The least of these?


"Brethren, do not be children in your thinking; yet in evil be infants, but in your thinking be mature." 1 Cor 14:20

I walked up to the door, pushed the button. I was asked my name and my purpose. "enter and have a seat. some one will be with you shortly."

20 min later I was escorted to the cafeteria. stainless steel tables. no pictures on the wall. a broken clock.

another 20 min and there he was. dressed in the county issued jumpsuit. sad. hopeless. helpless. ashamed.

I woke up early yesterday with a feeling in my gut that something was gonna happen. even though i did not know what, I knew it would be bad. prayed up...for everyone who came to mind. my family, students, friends, whoever.

the feeling stayed with me all day.

I got the news around 2.

it is worse that i could have imagined. this kids life as he knew it is over. the likely scenario is he will not be free for many years.

be infants in evil.

this kid is about 1/2 a bubble off. just not right. but he is faithful. always here and always part. there is no way i would have ever thought what was going on.

simple. that is how my dad would have described him. surely, this one is an infant in evil.

there are certain things kids should not know about. yet, their minds are at ease with evil. thoughts turn into actions. now the opposite is true. infants in mature thinking, mature in evil.

the truth is the kid is guilty. simple or not. we have no place for those who did what he did. how can we?

as i looked in his eyes, there was no reality of his situation. shame yes, but manily cause he got caught. no real understanding of what lies ahead.

we talked about when he gave his life to Christ. he smiled. I reminded him about his security in that. he was not alone.

i told him even though his sin was deplorable, I loved him and would not turn my back on him.

we chatted for a bit. I prayed over him. he returned to his cell. I was escorted out.

i pushed the button again. name? Jeff leaving. he was staying.

i sat on my motorcycle for a bit and tears welled up in my eyes. and that feeling was back. it was as if he slipped out of my hands and off a cliff and I was watching him fall...unable to do anything but watch.

what is this grace? how can we ignore so great a salvation?

i have, in my life, used love as a form of currency (blue like jazz) giving out with great generosity to those who had earned it, being stingy and mizerly with those who did not.

Matthew 25:40 The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

i am not al all confident in how to handle this. mom died 2 years ago. dad is a drunk. his childhood, if that is what it was, is over. juvenile detention and most likely jail is certain.

I should have hugged him.

he is no longer an infant in regards to evil. he lives there now.

3.12.2007

livin some one elses dream...


went for a ride yesterday. and the day before. and again today. when the sun shines...i ride. when it is cloudy, i ride.
but alas...i digress.
something happens to my soul when i ride. freedom, excitement, giddyness. there is no other activity i am involved in that stimulates all my senses like this...well maybe just one. after all, I am not an idiot.
I am behind some traffic and begin to pull out to pass. up to about 90 or so when i notice a thumbs up sign from a bmw I pass.
I look over and see the same look i had last year. i remember all the years of want and desire of riding and realized that i had become what i dreamed of for so long. now i was the guy who was living anothers dream.
now when i hear the rumble of the pipes, it is not a want but an understanding.
i looked again and saw a smile on the guys face as he showed me the thumbs up. i looked at him and thought "yea, I know. and yes, it is as good as you think."
lost in that moment and well over 100 mph i realize just for a moment that god has blessed me with a gift. an answer to a long prayer.
some would say what ever. but i say every good thing comes from above.
so today, i revel in his gifts. and i thank him for the opportunity to see his creation with 2 fists in the wind.
“Make friends for yourselves with unrighteous mammon that they might receive you into eternal habitations.”
funny. something i always wanted, can be used for reaching others.
is this some one elses dream...or mine?

3.08.2007

my love does it good...

for my baby...



And When I Go Away
I Know My Heart Can Stay With My Love
It's Understood

It's In The Hands Of My Love
And My Love Does It Good
Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo
My Love Does It Good

And When The Cupboards Bare
I'll Still Find Something There
With My Love
It's Understood

It's Everywhere With My Love
And My Love Does It Good
Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo
My Love Does It Good
I Love Oh Wo......

My Love Only My Love Holds
The Other Key To Me Oh....
My Love Oh...My Love
Only My Love Does It Good To Me
Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo
My Love Does It Good

Don't Ever Ask Me Why
I Never Say Goodbye To My Love
It's Understood

It's Everywhere With My Love
And My Love Does It Good
Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo
My Love Does It Good Oh....My Love Oh...My Love

Only My Love Does It Good To Me

Paul McCartney listen here...http://youtube.com/watch?v=zX5qf75qI4c

3.07.2007

today is her birthday


I like the way she looks at me.

it has not always been as pleasant as it is now. we have had to be reminded of the treasure that is our marriage. we have had to bare knuckle fight for what we have. there are scars and weary miles. recent realities have caused us to look hard into the soul of our marriage. we may have not liked everything we saw, i liked it when she looked at me.

she is a true beauty.
the type of beauty that lights up a room.

I like to rub her wrist as she looks at me.

she is as tough as nails. it comes with living with an ass like me.

she is tender and compassionate in ways that are foreign to me.

her heart is orginal servant passed down from one who knows service.

she is original...primal...hard core.

i like the way she smells.


today is her birthday.

and while our marriage has not been at all easy on occasions, it certainly is not for wussies, she is my wife.

today is her birthday.

happy birthday baby. I am utterly devoted to you.

3.06.2007

public apology

a comrad at arms is no longer in the game.

and while there was a time when I would have rejoiced in what could be seen as kharma, a fellow journeyman has fallen. i should not, nor should any take pleasure in that.

so brother, as i have held a root of bitterness in my heart because of percieved attacks, and as I have said things concerning those deeds to others wanting to gain my "pound of flesh", I confess i was wrong.

whether you did what I thought you did gave me no right to say those things. I was wrong and I apologize.

I hope Jesus will guide and restore you and your family to a place of service...in or out of his workplace.

3.05.2007

just wanted you to know...

thought about you a little while ago. "wish you were here" always makes me think about you. funny. it seems like a life time ago since you were here.

lots has changed.

tiff grew into a beautiful young woman. she has your smile. you have a grandson. good lookin kid. but you knew that. you would be proud.

mother is ok. we don't spend the time together as we should. there never seems to be enough time. she misses you.

i miss you.

tj was in iraq. 5 year marine. he wanted to be like you. lins is with child. soon to have a granddaughter. sheri is still the best thing ever. but you knew that.

have not talked to our brother in a while. can't seem to come together. there is always a hurdle i am supposed to jump, an attitude i have to change, an aoplogy i need to make. it got to hard. sad thing is i don't really care any more.

our sisters are ok i guess. bout the same. i miss them. they miss you.

you always had a way of keeping the roads open between us. i guess we just got lazy. i know a day lies ahead where regret will flow over me, but I am so unwilling to be the door mat again.

i wonder how things would be different if you were here. would we be as close now as then? i imagine you and sitting on the front porch sippin sweet tea and talking about kids and grand kids.

i think of you from time to time. a gnawing in my gut reminds me that even after 18 years, the finality of it all still hurts.

"he was not one who went through life with out seeking you." that is what one of the preachers said that day. i guess you did. we never really talked about it much. not like now, which is all i tend to talk to every one about.

as i sit here and stare at the screen wondering what i would say if you were here...i just wanted you to know i miss you. my life is not as full with out you in it.

just wanted you to know

3.02.2007

What the freak?

each day is pretty much the same for me. more than not it begins with several chapers in the Parchments and prayer, then an hour of news and several cups o joe.

today was backward. started with the news.

for the first time in a long while I was overcome by hopelessness and pain for the world we live in. death by tornado, bus crash, shootings, bank robbers, can some one please bury that poor sad woman?

Sheri leaves for her walk and I open the word and emotion rushes from the deep place I try and keep it locked in. tears flow over my copy of the text and I am overwhelmed at what seems to be a hopeless culture where daily life is trumped by tragic life and tragic death...especially young people.

as I try and bring in the focus to my spere, It seems even more difficult.

what is man that you would be mindful of him?

how can i lead this people?

mine enemy is on all sides seeking to hem me in.

no relief, no comfort, no easy and reassuring pat on the back.

the world is dieing. people are with out hope. children are being sacrificed and parents are turning their eyes away. darkness seems to abound. it is what it is.

but all is not lost.

Do not fear. for I have over come the world.

all is not lost.