2.15.2005

Putting the "fun" back in disfunctional

OK. I admit it. Most of my rants and raves have been a product of my disfunctionalness. Although there have been many things and people who have contributed to my current state, all the blame lays at my feet. The rebel. With or without a cause, you can count on me to be your guy to rebel against the status quo.

"We are half hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered." C.S. Lewis

Over the next few days, I will begin to decompress from my rebellion and take a serious look at my own walk. There a thought.

first off. I take myself way to seriously. Time to relax and enjoy Jesus. In the midst of my son going off to war, can we as parents actually rest in the joy that is our Savior? I hope so. It is, after all, all we have.

living in rebellion takes a lot away from you. It takes the joy of life. It takes away the joy of discovery. It takes calmness. It takes time. To much time. I am officially resigning from the "everyone is retarded and I am right" club that was started by me out of anger at a few folks who I worked for a couple of years ago.

if we cannot live with Joy because of who we are in Jesus, we are to be pitied above all people. We have more stuff than any people group in the world. Yet, we are more anxious and more stressed out than any people on earth. I speak from first hand experience.

I am weary of fighting a battle that was never meant to be fought. If we are truly seekers of Christ and His ways, then the pressure is off us and on Him. I need to be obedient, have Faith, enjoy the ride. Live life. Love my family. Pursue infinite joy. I am weary of dabbling at stuff. I want adventure, joy, longing, intimacy, love, excitement. All these can be found at the feet of Jesus.

sounds like a plan.

2.09.2005

Consumers at the buffet of Christianity

I spoke to a friend today about the movement that is sweeping across our land. We talked about the people we have become. The slick marketing campaigns that have driven products and malls and specialty stores have infiltrated the church...But mostly, it has overtaken me.

my heart sank as I realized that I, along with many like me, seek mostly to satisfy the spiritual hunger that screams from my soul with needs and wants that fit me and my situation. I want worship I like, programs I like, ministry I like. When it gets to where the needs of others, they do not matter.

I have eaten at buffets before and not be hungry. Yet I gorge myself because of the taste. It tastes good, but I am full. Never mind the misery that will follow, it tastes really good. Chineese buffets are the worst. so much food, so little a plate.

for years, even before I began to do the ministry thing, I gorged myself at Gods table. Never really understanding the implications for my actions.

now, I weep over my motivations for doing what I do. I talk about having a heart for my city but I don't. I talk about meeting needs, yet I do so when it is convenient for me. Truth is, I eat what tastes good and is easy to get to. I wear Christian t-shirts and put cool bumper stickers on my car, cause it is cool. I talk against the institution cause I can, cause someone needs to, yet I miss it.

"Who can deliver me from this body of Sin?"

I am a consumer. One who is led into a dizzy feeling of euphoria when the marketing of something new comes along. I live for the book that will make it all better. I want the formula that will lead to goodness, yet despise the thought of them.

the more I try to escape the situation, the more I get sucked back in.

Hi. My name is Jeff. I am a Christian consumer. Can you help me?

2.08.2005

Movements and moments

This whole blog deal is kinda cool. I read about 7 blogs A day, comment on a few and learn what is up with people. I had a person comment a few days ago, turns out he was in my ministry at one point. Pretty cool stuff.

getting my head around being the church lately. Being rather than becoming. Being the church deals with needs. Deals with crackheads, homeless people, hurting folks, folks who admited they have not figured it out yet, non religious.

going to church deals with religion. A place to worship, a place where someone else is supposed to teach my kids scripture and about sex. Someplace where I can tip my hat at Jesus while he comps me for a blessing like I am a gambler at a casino at Vegas.

the funny thing about a movement is that when it takes off, people want to jump on board. Seven sons of a certain Sceva dealt with that when they tried to cast out some demons in the "name of Jesus whom Paul preaches." kind like trying to get the hook up cause my brothers cousin' uncles sister knows a maid of someone in the band.

moments where Jesus reaches a need through obedience and compassion is a place in time when it flows like a Stevie Ray guitar lick on a spring day with the windows down. It fits, seems right, and means something.

moments where my greed and self reliance seem to be the point are like walking through chest high mud trying to get the flip flop you lost on the first step.

moments in the movement where all is right...Where Jesus gives Himself, where worship is not about getting nothing but Him, when the Holy Spirit has to speak cause I do not have any words, when the brightness of His beauty causes me to hide my face, when the glory of His holiness causes me to tremble in fear and wonder, when I can't speak, I can only bow...These times are majestic, wonderful, amazing, untouchable, forever, fascinating, weird, scary, lovely, and welcome.

I read a sign in Starbucks the other day. Describing their new chocolate drink. "If you were to describe it's chocolateness, you would deplete the world of adjectives."

funny. But we should feel like this when we describe our Jesus, or worship or our bible reading, our love for Him.

I, and others I have read, go way out of our way to describe what others should do and where they should go, and how they should act in certain situations. While we relegate words to explaining Jesus to...Awesome.

is that all you got????

2.07.2005

Smoking crack and 20 dollars

It's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

Part of what is so cool about decompressing from religiousness, is the ability to be flexible. We have several homeless folks come to our service each week. They heard there was food, so they come. It has been cool to get to know them. John is a believer who has been somewhat faithful as of late. A well traveled man. A man in need.

last week after the service, as is my habit, I asked each of the guys who come if they had any needs. Jeff needed smokes. So we gave him money to buy some cigarettes. If you have ever smoked, sometimes it is all you have. The tall John needed cash, cause he was sleeping in his car. The other john needed clothes. So this week, we gave him some boots, and one of the guys had some jeans and shirts that fit.

when I asked John if he needed any cash, he said "yes I do. But I cannot take it because I would go buy crack." "I have a problem with money" he said. "to much in my pocket and I can't trust myself. I smoke it up." I asked how much is to much...He said "anything for now."

I thought about that all week. And I wondered at the discipline he had. Turns out he did not make it through the week with out getting high, but he went longer this week than he did last. I still marvel at the discipline to turn down money.

he came back this week, had his bible and took notes. And still, he refused my offer for money. "God is providing" he said, "look, I got new boots, and clothes I did not have last week, plus, Jesus is helping me with the crack problem."

most of those who read this, and all of the folks I know, are not homeless. Yet, for all I have, and all we have , we still find room for complaint and misery. For what? Food? No. Shelter? No. Clothing? No. What then...Selfishness.

I remember the honesty of all the druggies I knew while doing the whole 12 step deal. Honesty and acceptance. Most times, we in the church fail in at least one of these, if not both.

Thank you Jesus for teaching me about simplicity, faith, perseverance, and love from a man who can't even have a 20 bill in his pocket with out using it to buy crack.

2.04.2005

Why? Because we can

As it stands, we have met in out current format for a month. It has been cool to preach again, I really missed it. I feel complete when Jesus gives opportunity to do so.

going from home study to an actual weekly service was met with great expectation and much fanfare. Started with t big band and it was a night of celebration. 45 people were saved, another 36 re-dedicated their lives to Jesus...Not really. There was only 20 of us there. But it was a good night.

since that first night, I have struggled. There was some unconfessed sin, and that was dealt with, but there has been an uneasiness in my spirit. I had mentioned it one night to the folks, but it seemed as though I was being overly sensitive, so I figured I just need to relax. But the uneasiness never left.



2 days ago it hit me like a ton of bricks. We had started out with a vision. A vision that excited every one involved. It was what had brought us together.

when we do not stand guard with much discipline the direction of our vision, it can easily begin to slowly ease back to what you know. In this case what I know is not such a bad thing. After all, Jesus Himself blesses that thought process every day. The problem is this. Why leave if you are going to do the same thing? Why give your life to something if it is the same as what you have left? Why leave a fat job with a fat salary with benefits and retirement for the same thing?

so. We coasted back to where we were. And we knew it, but did not recognize it till a couple of us began to discuss it.

now we are going back to the vision. Why? Cause we can. And because it is where Jesus want us to be. Here is the plan.

we are going to take over our city. Small house churches networked together with similar thoughts and desires, meeting needs and displaying the image of Jesus. We will gather together each month rather than each week to Celebrate. Our desire is to infiltrate the culture. Rather than stand out from them and yell at their sin, we believe we need to meet them where they are. Meet their needs, as we can, and build relationships and share Jesus. Simple. No play book, no manual, no building, no overhead, nothing but Jesus. kinda like "naked Church." developing a community of faith through love and good deeds.

this whole Acts thing can really mess a brother up...

why? why not?

2.02.2005

Work and ministry

I have a major case of the blahs today. Not sure why, but it seems to be contagious. Lee must have given them to me. funny how that stuff just seems to land on us.

My current job is a good deal. I was able to get in on the ground floor of something that hopefully, may turn into something really cool. We are busy one day, dead the next. But I dig what I do and love the folks I work for.

it has been really hard getting used to working again. My career was student ministry for a while. So while I sat behind a desk and did road trips and taught, it was a different kind of job. I had great men and women who had full time careers and families who gave much of their time to minister to students and help out.

I realize now that I did not thank them enough.
this is a thank you to those who have a job, a family and give of their time and talent to the local church.

each week, there are situations that arise that take all focus. Families get sick, cars break down, accidents happen, life gets difficult sometimes. Jobs get crazy, the boss can be a pain, deadlines happen, quotas need to be met. From one day to the next anything can happen in life.

having to work full time now, and prepare a message to preach each week has given me a new appreciation for those who have done it for so long. time is more important now.

for those who have given their "spare" time to serve the local church, as if their is anything such as that, I pray today for the blessings of God himself to rain down on you and fill you with His Spirit.

To all of you who have given your time, talent, cars for trips, served as chaperones, served food, cleaned up a mess in the youth room, served as a bouncer for the youth service, prayed for the salvation of a thug, hurt because a teen was hurting, prayed for your youth minister...I raise my glass to you. For with out you, the person with a job, who has nothing extra, especially time, ministry would not happen.

Thank you to all who supported me, and to those who support others like me.