Do that thing I like...

I am alone for the week. My lovely bride has gone off to attend things that work has prohibited me from.

I am preparing to teach tomorrow, so I am pondering a few things. What follows is an overflow... or stagnant pools of leftover...not really sure

Grace still has me dumbfounded.

I have sat in a dark hole only to see the hand of Light pick me up and allow me to lean on Him. He has also left me in the whole to contemplate my stupidity.

It amazes me how I have set myself up to sin. Looking back, I have manipulated situations weeks earlier with a disobedient attitude, then acted supprised at the guilt of being so damn stupid.

every sin I have committed has been on purpose. All my temptation has come from within my heart. And because of the darkness that has risen up in the past, that still freaks me out.

as a recovering addict, I often forget and think I am recovered. Not true. With little or no warning, cravings still rise for things that almost destroyed me.

there has been much opportunity to influcence many folks. It is a joy to hear from the ones who were affected by what He said through me.

my ducks have never been in a row.

sometimes I ask the wrong questions looking for the right answers. For instance..."Who do you say I am?" not at all like "who am I?"

it would be really cool if the journey could be shared more intimately with others. But, sometimes I want to be alone. Sometimes I do not want to share.

at 43, there is a chance I have lived longer than I am going to.

whan was the last time I was really broken before Him? recently. and it did not last long enough. why? seems to me when God touches me, He actually expects me to do something with it. what is that all about???

understanding grace, and trying to do something to appreciate it is not the same.

sometimes, freedom looks more like prison.

I thought about David today as I read about Jesus asking the disciples about who they thought He was. A bit odd really. A man after Gods own heart. Sang all the time, talked with God. Yet was just as retarded as I am. He never had a quiet time. I have pushed those down peoples throats for years. I wonder sometimes if we really understand what scripture is really for. some make so much efort to read It, but their attitudes are so non Bible like. God forbid if you pull out infront of me....err I mean them. I cannot stand to be around me...errr I mean those people whn they start gossipping...I mean really, it it reall that bad when i take something from work? it was just a pen...errr I mean it was only a moniter. wel I did not take the monitor, but I have figured how to do it and make myself feel pretty good about doing it.

I am all about Scripture, reading and studying and loving. But we need to be a bit more fluid about our walk, rather than pie charting it and calling the big part Bible reading time. It would be cool if we could just get a grip on what we actually read and actually apply it to our lives. Imagine that.

She has been gone for 24 hours and I already miss her. I am such a wussy with out my wife.

the question of the day "Who do you say that I am?"

the answer to that deals with every situation of your life. whether you spend all day asking for forgiveness for sin that has already been dealt with, or how you pray, or how you act when you are alone, or how you sing, or what you say to ugly people, or where you worship, or what you look at, or freedoms you think you need, how loved you can actually be today, right now and tommorwrow... Or what happens when you die.

questions matter. So do answers.
holiness matters. But I am of the mind it has more to do with understanding than effort.
and by the way, if you get your feelings hurt cause someone told you happy holidays instead of merry Christmas, get a sack and tell them about Jesus and why He was born in the first place.
"In the fullness of time..."

I told a co worker the other day how much I missed ministry in the church. being all backwards, becasue he is from a 3rd world country and stuff, he had the nerve to tell me "you don't have to me in a church to help people." backsward ass Guatamallen. He don't know me! of course only ministers on staff can affect change in peoples lives. duuuhhh

be carefull as you come inside. there are scars that repulse some. There is a Soprano's poster hanging up. broken dreams and big hopes. but it is not dark in here anymore. it is a lots cleaner and smells better. The mind is a deep place. there has only been one who repelled down the depths and was not ashamed to be there. we are still adding on. there are plans for another room, maybe a library. He keeps saying it will look better each day. and He is right. I barely recognize the place. even though the wind may bring an aroma that is recognized and even wanted, mostly, it just smells like Jesus, forgiveness and acceptance. smells good up in here.

I understand that.

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

this was my battle cry for the 1st half of my life. it was screamed at more partie, concerts and just waking up than any other thing I had heard or said. it summed up my wants, my desires, and my pleasures.

I have been a follower of Jesus for quite sometime now. I fancie myself sort of a cultural commentator. I try not to get as personal as i used to, but somethings just need to be said.

a major part what i notice comes from the preachers that bring the word to Gods people each week.

it is no secret that American Christians are in decline. it is no secret that we have lost the morality war. it is no secret that we have become ineffective. it is no secret that most folks can tell no difference. it is a secret that most churches do not know we are in dire straits.

we are so screwed up we need lawyers to make people to tell us Merry Christmas. What the FREAK has happened to us?

we need laws to impute Christian ideals on pagans. anybody realize pagans act that way cause their...PAGANS!!!???

maybe we all oughtta move to antartica. heck its cold, and everything is the same color. just like most mega churches.

imagination is something we lack. inspiration from a timeless book.

how can we expect, or maybe we don't expect our congregants to attack a world of pain, a world of divorce, a world of immorality, a world of addiction , a world of false security in money and status, a world of complete insecurity, when we send them out with no inspiring message from the great God of Heaven?

living a moral life cannot save someone.
not drinking cannot save anyone,
nor can most of the lists of donts we have adopted over a life of inspiration of a world takeover.

we are given the message that isaiah recieved in Ch 6, which left him so screwed up he was convinced he had to tell someone...he even knew they would not listen. yet he went. He responded with the same intensity of the message. He gave it all, cause God gave him all.

we are so focused on changing the country with politics that we forget there are hurting people who need something to grab ono to keep them from actually drowning. something of substance, something more than themselves. something more than a testimony.

how is it we can ever hope to change the world when our marching orders are less than our reality?
how can we be expected to respond to a message abaout trivial issues? by living a trivial life.

it is no wonder 95% of believers never share their faith. there seems to nothing inspiring to share.

I read scripture and it raises my blood pressure and heart rate. I cannot wait to tell some one something. to inspire them with a big God who does big things and expects big commitment.

we need to understand that with inspirational words from Scripture each week, we leave with what we came for, a hunger for truth, a hunger for more, and defening scream of Jesus calling us to the fields which are white with the harvest...

I am convinced our lives must represent our God. Big. Full. Free. giving. loving, confrontational, reconciling and most of all inspiring.

Lord allow us to see you for who you are.

not the mullet jesus we have turned you into. but the risen King whoose kingom knows no end.

teach us to live free. teach us to follow you...even to death...of our wants, the american dream and selfish attitudes...and alive to holiness and securuty and freedom.

Long Live the King!
Long Live the Kingdom!


no longer is my mantra sex drugs and rock and roll...

freedom, inspiration and life in Christ is my desire.

may it be so Lord.

The Return of the Prodical

you know the story.

today it was mine. we came home today. after wandering in the wilderness, wasting time and effort to get away from the father's provision and protection, seeking to be parted from the herd, trying to create my own idea of who She should be. but today...The Spepard met us back where we started...in His fold, back as official sheep, in His gates.

Joing a fellowship of believers is not as big a deal as it used to be. but for us it is huge. not becasue others were bad, not becasue others did not do it right, not becasue the people were wrong or right. but because it is where He brought us to. each step of the way, we can see His guiding hand.

I believe in the leadership. it has been a while since I could say that. I trust them. I see Jesus in their eyes. I see humility and faith in their actions. I see hope, vision and authentic purpose. and it looks good. We will support them in every way.

the events of today will some and go as just another day in the lives of a million people. but to me, it is when I came home to Her...the bride.

I have missed her. longed for Her, desire Her from afar. cheated on Her, and talked about Her. But it is through Her His will shall be carried out. and it is with this thought in mind, I stand to be counted a faithful member of this local body of believers, Jesus followers and worshipers of the Most High God.

There is so much to be done. But for this day, I am glad to be where i belong...In the Church.

Call of the Wild

I woke yesterday from a dead sleep. Being pulled from my slumber by something familiar, something gnawing at my insides.

I began my reading in Philippians as if He was guiding my hand. What stuck in my heart was this..."Being confident of these very thing,that He who has begun a good work in you, will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

I have always thought of faith in Jesus as more that it had been portrayed to me as a child and teen. I mean what about all the adventure in the Bible? We just supposed to just blow that off and become well...What we are? seems kind of pointless, if all we are to do is not be...whatever.

in my heart there is a wildness that roams in the midnights of my soul. Something has always seemed to call me to more...more than.

at the same time, I wonder as I drive home in Southeast Florida traffic each day after work what that looks like. To possess a wild Faith that I read about in Scripture. The life of Jehu, David, Paul and Jesus.

There are not a lot of models for such faith today. Most men are just happy to live a life that has them withdrawing from everything and calling that faith. No living, no experiencing, nothing that inspires the people to strive to be inspired. just setteling into weekly services, the occasional deacons meeting, then loosing it during a sports event. that primal stuff has to get out somewhere. certainly can't do it at church.

it is funny though, as the Jews got really proud of themselves and the Temple had built for them, as they became leaders of the Law and as they were pillars of the religious community...When all that happened, God sent a wild man freak from the wilderness to usher in the Kingdom. Some ragged looking, bug eating, camel skinned dude preparing the way for the King Himself. No white robes, no pretty ties, no big pulpits, no need for pasrking no need for choirs...Just a simple message..."Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand." wonder what would happen if a rough looking dude showed up at 1 mega church place and said he had a word from God? would we be spiritually attentive enough to know if he actually had a word?

it seems to me that the freak, the wild man has always been at the anti message that reminded the complacent and the comfortable that it was time for a change.

in the beauty and wonder that is the mega church age, where thousands flock each week like cattle to feeding, it is like a tribe. Mostly middle to upper class white folks who drive SUV's. we all hang out together, seldom coming in contact with people "other than" us. folks on the outer banks of life. you know the ones, the ones we would not want in our life boat if the ship was going down.

in all the conferences I have attended, called moves of God, there have been few people of color. We were all the same. white bread folks, praising a dark skinned Jesus who looks more like people we persecute than us.

but the wild man still roams the countryside spreading his message of repentance and offering more than status quo. He does not know the church language, but has a message from God Himself..."Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand." a message so powerful, yet so simple, it peirces the heart and calls for action of some kind.

and from time to time, there rises out of the slumber that has fallen on the American church one who hears and senses something more...Hears the howling of the wind that is the Spirit, feels the smallest taste of freedom to break free from the mundaness that has calmed down the beast within.

I know of 2 men who are like this.

Burger King Faith, or faith my way, is easy enough. Basically it is sin management, or closet faith. It requires nothing more than a polite love for others, the traffic wave, and a hello, or even merry Christmas from time to time...It certainly requires no repentance or transformation of life that would lead to change at the very core of our being.

because there is no call to die, and a call to be consumed by this God who is a "consuming fire", our Faith, or reflection of what was once a underground movement that people were dyeing to be part of, is now tamed like a trained and well kept poodle, so what we have are political believers who desire change be made through legislation rather than Gospel powered changed lives.

I heard the howl of the wind again this morning, I read Colossians.
Col 1:24-27
24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I do my share on behalf of His body (which is the church) in filling up that which is lacking in Christ's afflictions. 25 Of this church I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God, 26 that is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations; but has now been manifested to His saints, 27 to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.28 And we proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ. 29 And for this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.

It has been to long since I have heard the call of the wild. 2 years to be exact. I had thought that he had decided to keep me on the bench. BUT, "He who began a good work in me will complete it..."

it aint over. not by a long shot. Matter of fact...If you listen closely, you can hear the rustle of leaves as He moves across the Forrest that is our soul. If you concentrate, He may ask you to do something that may have others questioning your sanity. But one thing you will hear is the whisper to die...die to your self and live to Him. Not part, but all

Jesus did not come to give you a good life, He came to kill you so he could live through you.

"He is not safe...But He is good."

Simple Man

I am not sure my heart has ever grasped the gravity of having a son. There are so many things that cause a man to swell with pride. Some good, others bad. But having a son, your own name sake, really caused me to be proud.

I remember introducing him to people and saying the words "this is my son".

I remember watching wrestling each week, and finally having to stop because he clotheslined me off his dresser.

I watched him get his first hit on the football field. He cold cocked the kid and stood over him like a warrior from long ago...Adrenaline pumping and me screaming for joy at a distance.

I watched him be different from the crowd. Had his own style, his own attitude.

he is a huge dreamer.

He was a little badd ass. He fought a lot. I went to school one day to spend some time in his class. During recess, he beat down some kid for talking junk about me. I should not have been , but I was proud he cared enough to stick up for me.

as a kid, he was not afraid to try anything.

advice flowed like the Niagara in those days. The big sex talk was ongoing from age 10. But as I did, TJ learned the way he needed to. Sometimes it was the hard way, something it was easier.


We walk a like, we talk alike. I taught him to walk in a way that when he entered a room, people knew he was there. He is a confident young man. I taught him that he never had to feel less than a man around anyone.

when he graduated, we had a family ceremony. I laid my hands on him and blessed him, as Isaac did his sons. As Abraham did. He was sent out into the world with the knowledge of who his God was, and given the opportunity to one day convey that blessing to his family. It was probably cheesy to him then. But it stands out as a defining moment in the life of our family in my heart.

He has married the love of his life, and he now has a son. She is perfect for him. In every way. A great mother and a wonderful addition to the craziness of our family. I still find myself trying to give advise and be all wise. I wish I could see him more, spend more time with him. But the truth is, he will find his way. As he leads his family, he will ask the same questions I did, deal with the same issues my dad did, struggle with the same things most men do.

I love to watch him with his son. he is a good father.

He is a child of the Most High God. He is a man. A husband, a father and a Marine. He has served in Iraq. And I am proud to call him my son.

above all else my son, seek God. Lead your wife to seek Him. And teach your son to seek Him. For in this, your Blessing will be realized.

Simple Man
Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this It will help you some sunny day.

Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find the woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son, There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son, If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied.

Boy, don't you worry...
you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied.

Don't Give me no lines...

When she looked at me for the first time and smiled, she took something she has never given back. my heart. the first time she held my hand as we walked is forever etched in my mind.

When she hugged me, she hugged me with a true love. when she kissed her "sugar spot" on the bald spot on my face, she always smiled. OOOOEeeee was the word for the day.

her eyes have always been filled with a bit of innocence and beauty. a beauty that had escaped most. Since my first connection with her eyes only one has gotten close enough to look at the deep beauty that lies within.

She has been a daddy's girl since she was born. every step of the way, I wanted her to know she would never have to be afraid of being alone, afraid, worried about the acceptance of others and most of all, punks who would come looking for one thing but finding another/ she has been loved completely, taught what it means to love, follows her God, and inspite growing up in daddy's youth group, turned out pretty well.

I, we, have taught her the value of trust and faith in a big God. We have taught her the value of holiness and what it means to be a woman of virtue.

I have, and will always protect her from all that would harm or threaten. it is a fathers love.

I knew the day would come, we even prayed for the day to come, that the one man she dated would be the one she would marry. I am not yet sure this is him, but she is deeply in love with a young man who tenderly looks at her, and her face lights up. I knew it was coming, but I do not welcome it. not because of him, but becasue of the process.

I saw a picture of them together the other day. and for the first time, I did not see my little girl, I saw a young beautiful in love.

her face was radient, hopeful, full of dreams and longing, filled with the thought of completenness.

I recognize that look. I first saw it in her mother 25 years ago. on a sunny day in Lake Walk In Water, Sheri looked at me and I knew from that moment on, I would love her. her beauty has grown , her eyes are still full of that love for me, that hope for the future and excitement about the future.

I pray for my little girl, the love I have been allowed to share, the joy of a lifetime with another, the excitement of what has not been done or dreamed of. but most of all, I pray that those beautiful eyes will be filled with the love she so desires.

always my baby girl...