last night...i worshiped.

so, in the midst of this life, i have been allowed audience in the throne room of our great God. there has been many with me at times, others only a few. but have been blessed to have been there.

last night, we gathered with about 2000 of my closest friends. we sang songs of great love, of great salvation, of great mercy, of great faith, of great healing...of his greatness. we sang we worshiped, we raised our hands and pledged our undying love and allegiance to Him.

it was simply...amazing.

for a brief moment, there was no idle chat about difficulty, about politics, about pain, about economic woes, about foreclosures, about jobs...the aroma of worship filled the room. as best i could, in my own backwoods way, i flung myself on the altar and sked him to accept my boold drenched sacrifice. i would not leave untill there was acceptance and i was consumed. there was no disapointment.

worship spilled out into a restaurant as we were invited spur of the moment to dine with some friends as a birthday was celebrated. friends talking, laughing, enjoying who we are.

it is on my mind this morning as i hear of difficulty in yet another church setting. pain is rampant, people unsettled and confused, families hurting and the once clear path of the future is now filled with haze and uncertainty.

i know what it feels like to be tossed aside, left outside the party, not part of the group, outsider, sinner, thief, addict, liar. when i was these things, it was expected to feel pain, rejection and fear.

i also know what it feel like to be inside, and still not part, treated as typical, told you are not what we need, although your gifts are good for a particular kind of people...on the team but not suited up to participate, in the room with the varsity, and yet knowing i was JV.

through all these life situations i have learned to comfortable in my own skin. could care less about what i do not have, or who i don't know, or know for that matter. i rub people the wrong way, like a rusted piece of metal brushing up the skin. it may cut you, annoy you, but prolly wont kill you. just enough displeasure to know that it is there.

all this is said to get to this...through all the life changes, disappointments, growth opportunities, and failures...one thing has remained steadfast and immovable in my life. Him. Jesus. and through all that junk, even now, worship is that place where i lose myself.

just for a glimpse...a glance, a touch of that garment that seems so elusive.

i will not settle for anything less.

not sure what you did last night. if you had discussions over the ramifications of your political stance, or if you waded deep into the fear of financial loss, or if you wept over hunger in the world, or if there was little thought or opportunity to involved. either way, you, me, us...we all occupied our time with something. trivial or full of impact.

me? last night...i worshiped.

my messy faith

got this from my dear friend Lisa. She is a magnificent writer and follower of Jesus. find her here http://theuprising.typepad.com/ be careful. you may not leave as you arrived.

but i claim it, not as the writer, but the reality of the words in my life. while beautiful, my faith journey has been difficult, messy and downright dirty. there is nothing slick and clean about full sacrifice. blood spews out on everything, drenches the receiver as well the sacrificed.

"I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - No.Mine is a much messier quest. I'm courting Him like a cocaine addict - counting worthless & selling off anything that stands between having what I seek.... Scouring the deep recesses of all my comfort zones for any remnant of change that may have slipped between the cushions... every penny counts & everything that is mine is handed over that I might apprehend Him, know Him, walk in the pleasure of His presence, & in His resurrection life... Even if it means fellowshipping with suffering.

Here, anchored in the sweat & snot & tears & shakes of a morning 'episode' .. my longing overtakes my logic & reason. I curse my brokenness, swear through a vow, & hand over all my gods & goods for another sight of His face, his heart, His soul... Him.I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - This morning my Philippians 3:7-12 is a much, much messier quest - I court Him like a cocaine addict."

because of my messy pursuit, my life and thoughts are a little more raw, little harsh, little blunt. because i am an former addict, this resonates deep. it affects my views on life, religion, politics, and even worship. it affects how i live, my laugh, my passion, my thought.

some are slick, pretty even, romantic in their pursuits. mine is more of a tear soaked, finger nails dirty from grasping at the ground as i lay face down in the dirt and try to peer upward. completely drenched with the blood of not only His sacrifice, but, mercy like rain poured over me. screamin not for material wealth, nor hoping for comfort, or health or safety. screaming for just a glimpse of his greatness from my cleft in the rock. reachin upward to take hold of his hand and willing to go, do, and be what ever it is my willingness and his grace and direction can take me.

thanks L, for saying what i have felt. this, and so much more.

messy. but oh so beautiful.

What if???

what if...

the "christian right" had spent as much time praying for Bush as they did praying against Obama if George would have been less of an idiot.

all the evangelicals bottle up the anti Obama sentiments and put it toward talking about Jesus to folks?

being politically informed had nothing to do with claiming the other side was evil, the anti Christ, and actually believing that Jesus was the head of your party?

the money spent by evangelicals for the election went to their local churches as a tithe?

justice really was an issue we all would get behind?

the church treated those who were not ideologically the same, were treated with love and respect?

we stop using the pulpit to promote politics and start loving the nominal in our society?

we heard from evangelicals on love issues, rather than every 4 years about political issues?

we loved people away from abortion, rather than standing there with a sign of a dead baby?

the media would show an evangelical actually worshiping, and their face did not look like they were in pain from hemorrhoids?

we, as the body of Christ, actually get behind the agenda of Jesus and live outside our walls?

we stopped being the reason people are leaving the church?

the opportunity to be grace givers wins out over brow beaters?

we celebrate the fact that our country has just elected the first black man as president in history, and stop whining about what we really don't know or have control over?

we replace all the time we spent talking about, condemning, judging, being arrogant over the election and its candidates, in prayer and fasting over holiness and acceptance of people?

we really understand that the church as we know it has lost her voice in the public market place. and maybe we need to return to our roots as an underground movement full of life changed Jesus followers?

we act as how the rest of the country sees us. arrogant, judgemental, loveless, separatists,
argumentative, antagonists, hypocritical, the same, talking heads as we ever were?

we embraced the fact that there are more people, more money, more church buildings, more conferences, more self help books, more or everything EXCEPT new followers of Christ, as a challenge to invade our culture with an infusion of Jesus?

nothing changes...and we just sit by and complain. again.