9.27.2007

dark night of the soul


it waits for us. creeping around, silent, mysterious. we never know where exactly where it comes from. but it's there...waiting, crouching...ready to pounce.
it comes when we least expect it. after mountain top events, filled with awe and wonder. coming down from the mountain, going up, heading to church, sitting alone in grief, happy, free, in bondage. it gets us all.
the Quakers called it the dark night of the soul.
it covers us like a blanket of darkness, heavy with discomfort and fear. for some reason we feel alone and empty. prayers seem like brick made in our very mouth falling to the ground in heaps as we try to pray. the soul feels alone. the heart is heavy.
why would he leave us?
although he does not, we think he has.
the key is to do what we have done. persevere. most give up and sit. i have done my share of sitting. done my share of quiting. done my share of...crying in the dark.
no more.
be strong and courageous. break on through. never quit, never give up. cry, scream, fight, but never give in. stand firm, decide not to bow to the heaviness. though your knees may shake from the weight, stand.
why?
because it matters.
You know the day destroys the night
Night divides the day
Tried to run Tried to hide
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side,
yeah We chased our pleasures here
Dug our treasures there
But can you still recall The time we cried
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
the Doors

9.26.2007

rain on me



living in South east Florida, the sureness of rain during the "season" is expected. unless there is a drought. lately we have been drenched. but the ground soaks it up like a desert. some clouds have rain, most are rainless for some reason. so we never know whether the clouds that are rolling in, as menacing as they may seem, will be filled with the rain we need.


spent a bit of time this morning watching students stand in the rain to pray for their schools and leaders at the annual "see ya at the pole" event. i watched as they prayed and became wet with rain. it was a picture of our father blessing them for their efforts to ak Him to move there. they were soaked, with water and with Him.


before i left home, i read Jude. not my usual read, kinda short, but full of wisdom. Jude spends a lot of time dealing with false teachers who are among other names "clouds without rain."


after thinking and praying over that, even now, this is what rose up.


there is nothing worse than thinking it is gonna rain and it doesn't. not a hint of rain. can't smell it (love the smell of a spring rain), can't feel what it provides, nothing but clouds.


lately there have been clouds that God has sent my way. in them he has used people to rain all over me.

L has poured out rain on me, needed, and soaked in. funny thing about this rain is that i was so skeptical of the amount of rain there was. was i wrong and was i blessed...am...continue to be. it matters what you do.
Sheri continues to rain on me. daily she sustains me and refreshes me. this morning, my mother told me of my step father getting baptized this week. he is 86. my face was wet with that rain.
Dub is a source of constant showers.
John is a welcome rain each day.
Steve clouds up and rains on me in the middle of the day.
my kids. the tables are turning here. they are now producing the storm.
there are plenty of people who are rainless. we know who they are. we see them coming, we know what to expect.
what we need is folks who always have enough supply to pour out on others. these folks spend time, real time with the father. not just for them, but to call others, to refresh others.
so you know, if we ever meet, i will cloud up and rain all over you...

9.21.2007

on my mind...

i miss my brother.

some people are hungry tonight, i am misserably full.


grandkids are an infinate joy.


i have let people leave the faith with out a fight.


it is easy to kick some one while they are down.


christianity is not what we have been taught.


there is less compassion today.


there is more concern about being right.


ministry has become more about a paycheck than the glory of God.


i am safe tonight.


i miss my kids.


learning about true love was not easy.


God is not now, nor has he ever been fair.


i have never been the most important thing in Gods heart.


God is about the affection of God.


my wife is my true and lasting love.


student ministry has taught me the need for family faith. most don't have it.


many parents are simply clueless about the lives of their kids.


we are 1 generation away from complete godlessness.


there is hope.


time is not an issue.


money is not as important to me as it once was.


stuff is over rated.


fear does not scare me.


joy is real, it is deep, and you can't take it from me.


i still need to lose 20 lbs.


i still want to go to Ireland.


a good cuban is a good thing.


newcastle.


scripture is like a blanket. it is my covering.


i know what the bible says.


pride is still an issue.


i walk with God.


my harley is a treasure. not becasue of how it looks, but becasue of how it makes me feel.


my imagination is still a force to be reconed with.


always will be a mammas boy. i am because of who she is.


music moves me.


nothing like a 12 hour motorcycle ride.


her smile peirces my soul.


God has spoken to me.


church needs to refocus on Him...the real Him.


my name will go on.


i really miss my dad.




thanks for listening.


enjoy the ride.

9.20.2007

Simple, godly distractions

there have been a few times in my life when i knew exactly where i was going. timing may be not yet revealed, but the direction is rock solid and sure. we are at this place. we know where we are headed.

sometimes, no matter how sure we are, opportunities arise that seem to rattle that focus. they come from weird places, they can come from left field. they can even come from godly places.

i got a call this week from my uncle. he is an old school baptist pastor. he has been serving the local church for 25 years or so. been at his current church for 15 years. my mom goes to this church, she teaches Sunday school. he has worked hard there. faithfully proclaiming the word, teaching, nurturing, encouraging.

he is retiring.

so i got the first call. he told me what was up and asked if i wanted to become the next pastor of this church. honored and flattered that he would asked, my mind races. genuine desire to pastor has always been on the back burner. student ministry is awesome, but i am close to moving on.

then i prayed. "this is not what i have for you." early in the morning, before the birds sing, before the sun rises, before the days activities take over our thought, these words came into my spirit.

of course i knew this. I knew it before he finished the conversation.

but it seemed so easy. the whole deal would have been so easy...to be distracted for my next deal.

so i called my mom first...she understood...sad but understood. then to uncle. he understood. my direction is in another place.

my life has been turned upside down lately. God has emptied me of my wants and filled me with vision, purpose and direction. nothing about where we are headed is easy. the journey will require great discipline, faithfulness and hard work. but it is what He has for me.

i find it interesting how easily we are distracted. not just by flashy things that call us from faithfulness, but things that we would seem to believe that come fro God himself.

the majority of believers seek what is easy. because of that desire, we are where we are. bouncing from ideal to emotion with no true sense of purpose and direction.

the task is great. the burden of his trust in me is a bit frightful. why he has chosen me for such a task is beyond me. there is nothing special nor is there any great giftedness in me. but he has. and i cling to that with great joy and anticipation and longing. knowing that what ever happens, i shall walk with him. and if nothing else happens from here on out...i still get to walk with him. side by side. alert and ready.

one more step.

9.19.2007

Wall of Denial




"A wall of denial - is fallin’ down

Wo it’s fallin’ so hard - down to the ground

Never knew something so strong could be washed away by tears

But this wall of denial was just built on fear"
Stevie Ray Vaughn


i have spent years being controlled and led by the raw emotion of the soul.

reactions are quick, raw and sharp.

the smell of confrontation was intoxicating.

it made me feel alive.

right or wrong, it was the way i lived.


the realization of this has been somewhat difficult as of late.

as i try to move from reaction to understanding and purpose,

the reality is it is a hard road to leave.

as hard as it is to let that go, the frustration of living by that has long

since been overdue.


growth in the word, closeness of him who calls,

and recognition of the onslaught are breaking down the wall.


what was once a welcome feeling of raw emotion

has become a sick and heavy feeling.


change.


it is not always easy, but to actively take part in the

transformation from self to Christ likeness

is just amazing.


becoming.


more


like


Jesus.


tearing out the root so as to feel the pain, laying it at the feet of him who

understands the death oh so well.

remove the bricks that made the wall, so as to clear the foundation.


one more step. less is becoming more.

9.08.2007

a day in the life



"now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field that the Lord God had made. and he said to the woman, indeed, has God said...?"


lately, my time in the word has been so fulfilling, it is a time I look forward to even the night before. our great God has poured himself into and on me in ways that have been almost overwhelming. even in areas that would seem boring or tedious, the Spirit has prodded me to push on and the reward has been sweet time of fellowship and joy.


today, i got up late. had an early meeting and did not get to my time with the Father at my usual time. I rushed out the door and headed to met a friend. ate breakfast, went for a ride and headed home.


all the while there was something missing. could not put my finger on it. just a gnawing, a feeling.


got home and realized what it was. had missed my time in the Word.


now. let me say this. I am certainly not a bible nazi. it is not my assertion that one should spend everyday all day submersed in scripture.


i will say that for me, and my relationship, God has led me to a new place and the means of this, the catalyst of this special time has been the "sacred text." in the bible we find Him, his love, his wrath, his mercy, his forgiveness, his greatness, his other thaness, his wonder, his plan, his son, his beauty, his protection, his help, his encouragement, his purpose, his help, his spirit, his work, his love, his world.


while some talk about what they think they know about the word, all i need to know is in the word. some talk about what it is not, i prefer to discuss what it is.


as for me and my deal with my God, he has chosen to use His word to lift me to Him, girded by His spirit and Son.


and for that, my day starts out at 6am filled with anticipation over the content in my bible. i am eternally thankful.