Do that thing I like...

I am alone for the week. My lovely bride has gone off to attend things that work has prohibited me from.

I am preparing to teach tomorrow, so I am pondering a few things. What follows is an overflow... or stagnant pools of leftover...not really sure

Grace still has me dumbfounded.

I have sat in a dark hole only to see the hand of Light pick me up and allow me to lean on Him. He has also left me in the whole to contemplate my stupidity.

It amazes me how I have set myself up to sin. Looking back, I have manipulated situations weeks earlier with a disobedient attitude, then acted supprised at the guilt of being so damn stupid.

every sin I have committed has been on purpose. All my temptation has come from within my heart. And because of the darkness that has risen up in the past, that still freaks me out.

as a recovering addict, I often forget and think I am recovered. Not true. With little or no warning, cravings still rise for things that almost destroyed me.

there has been much opportunity to influcence many folks. It is a joy to hear from the ones who were affected by what He said through me.

my ducks have never been in a row.

sometimes I ask the wrong questions looking for the right answers. For instance..."Who do you say I am?" not at all like "who am I?"

it would be really cool if the journey could be shared more intimately with others. But, sometimes I want to be alone. Sometimes I do not want to share.

at 43, there is a chance I have lived longer than I am going to.

whan was the last time I was really broken before Him? recently. and it did not last long enough. why? seems to me when God touches me, He actually expects me to do something with it. what is that all about???

understanding grace, and trying to do something to appreciate it is not the same.

sometimes, freedom looks more like prison.

I thought about David today as I read about Jesus asking the disciples about who they thought He was. A bit odd really. A man after Gods own heart. Sang all the time, talked with God. Yet was just as retarded as I am. He never had a quiet time. I have pushed those down peoples throats for years. I wonder sometimes if we really understand what scripture is really for. some make so much efort to read It, but their attitudes are so non Bible like. God forbid if you pull out infront of me....err I mean them. I cannot stand to be around me...errr I mean those people whn they start gossipping...I mean really, it it reall that bad when i take something from work? it was just a pen...errr I mean it was only a moniter. wel I did not take the monitor, but I have figured how to do it and make myself feel pretty good about doing it.

I am all about Scripture, reading and studying and loving. But we need to be a bit more fluid about our walk, rather than pie charting it and calling the big part Bible reading time. It would be cool if we could just get a grip on what we actually read and actually apply it to our lives. Imagine that.

She has been gone for 24 hours and I already miss her. I am such a wussy with out my wife.

the question of the day "Who do you say that I am?"

the answer to that deals with every situation of your life. whether you spend all day asking for forgiveness for sin that has already been dealt with, or how you pray, or how you act when you are alone, or how you sing, or what you say to ugly people, or where you worship, or what you look at, or freedoms you think you need, how loved you can actually be today, right now and tommorwrow... Or what happens when you die.

questions matter. So do answers.
holiness matters. But I am of the mind it has more to do with understanding than effort.
and by the way, if you get your feelings hurt cause someone told you happy holidays instead of merry Christmas, get a sack and tell them about Jesus and why He was born in the first place.
"In the fullness of time..."

I told a co worker the other day how much I missed ministry in the church. being all backwards, becasue he is from a 3rd world country and stuff, he had the nerve to tell me "you don't have to me in a church to help people." backsward ass Guatamallen. He don't know me! of course only ministers on staff can affect change in peoples lives. duuuhhh

be carefull as you come inside. there are scars that repulse some. There is a Soprano's poster hanging up. broken dreams and big hopes. but it is not dark in here anymore. it is a lots cleaner and smells better. The mind is a deep place. there has only been one who repelled down the depths and was not ashamed to be there. we are still adding on. there are plans for another room, maybe a library. He keeps saying it will look better each day. and He is right. I barely recognize the place. even though the wind may bring an aroma that is recognized and even wanted, mostly, it just smells like Jesus, forgiveness and acceptance. smells good up in here.

I understand that.

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

this was my battle cry for the 1st half of my life. it was screamed at more partie, concerts and just waking up than any other thing I had heard or said. it summed up my wants, my desires, and my pleasures.

I have been a follower of Jesus for quite sometime now. I fancie myself sort of a cultural commentator. I try not to get as personal as i used to, but somethings just need to be said.

a major part what i notice comes from the preachers that bring the word to Gods people each week.

it is no secret that American Christians are in decline. it is no secret that we have lost the morality war. it is no secret that we have become ineffective. it is no secret that most folks can tell no difference. it is a secret that most churches do not know we are in dire straits.

we are so screwed up we need lawyers to make people to tell us Merry Christmas. What the FREAK has happened to us?

we need laws to impute Christian ideals on pagans. anybody realize pagans act that way cause their...PAGANS!!!???

maybe we all oughtta move to antartica. heck its cold, and everything is the same color. just like most mega churches.

imagination is something we lack. inspiration from a timeless book.

how can we expect, or maybe we don't expect our congregants to attack a world of pain, a world of divorce, a world of immorality, a world of addiction , a world of false security in money and status, a world of complete insecurity, when we send them out with no inspiring message from the great God of Heaven?

living a moral life cannot save someone.
not drinking cannot save anyone,
nor can most of the lists of donts we have adopted over a life of inspiration of a world takeover.

we are given the message that isaiah recieved in Ch 6, which left him so screwed up he was convinced he had to tell someone...he even knew they would not listen. yet he went. He responded with the same intensity of the message. He gave it all, cause God gave him all.

we are so focused on changing the country with politics that we forget there are hurting people who need something to grab ono to keep them from actually drowning. something of substance, something more than themselves. something more than a testimony.

how is it we can ever hope to change the world when our marching orders are less than our reality?
how can we be expected to respond to a message abaout trivial issues? by living a trivial life.

it is no wonder 95% of believers never share their faith. there seems to nothing inspiring to share.

I read scripture and it raises my blood pressure and heart rate. I cannot wait to tell some one something. to inspire them with a big God who does big things and expects big commitment.

we need to understand that with inspirational words from Scripture each week, we leave with what we came for, a hunger for truth, a hunger for more, and defening scream of Jesus calling us to the fields which are white with the harvest...

I am convinced our lives must represent our God. Big. Full. Free. giving. loving, confrontational, reconciling and most of all inspiring.

Lord allow us to see you for who you are.

not the mullet jesus we have turned you into. but the risen King whoose kingom knows no end.

teach us to live free. teach us to follow you...even to death...of our wants, the american dream and selfish attitudes...and alive to holiness and securuty and freedom.

Long Live the King!
Long Live the Kingdom!


no longer is my mantra sex drugs and rock and roll...

freedom, inspiration and life in Christ is my desire.

may it be so Lord.

The Return of the Prodical

you know the story.

today it was mine. we came home today. after wandering in the wilderness, wasting time and effort to get away from the father's provision and protection, seeking to be parted from the herd, trying to create my own idea of who She should be. but today...The Spepard met us back where we started...in His fold, back as official sheep, in His gates.

Joing a fellowship of believers is not as big a deal as it used to be. but for us it is huge. not becasue others were bad, not becasue others did not do it right, not becasue the people were wrong or right. but because it is where He brought us to. each step of the way, we can see His guiding hand.

I believe in the leadership. it has been a while since I could say that. I trust them. I see Jesus in their eyes. I see humility and faith in their actions. I see hope, vision and authentic purpose. and it looks good. We will support them in every way.

the events of today will some and go as just another day in the lives of a million people. but to me, it is when I came home to Her...the bride.

I have missed her. longed for Her, desire Her from afar. cheated on Her, and talked about Her. But it is through Her His will shall be carried out. and it is with this thought in mind, I stand to be counted a faithful member of this local body of believers, Jesus followers and worshipers of the Most High God.

There is so much to be done. But for this day, I am glad to be where i belong...In the Church.

Call of the Wild

I woke yesterday from a dead sleep. Being pulled from my slumber by something familiar, something gnawing at my insides.

I began my reading in Philippians as if He was guiding my hand. What stuck in my heart was this..."Being confident of these very thing,that He who has begun a good work in you, will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

I have always thought of faith in Jesus as more that it had been portrayed to me as a child and teen. I mean what about all the adventure in the Bible? We just supposed to just blow that off and become well...What we are? seems kind of pointless, if all we are to do is not be...whatever.

in my heart there is a wildness that roams in the midnights of my soul. Something has always seemed to call me to more...more than.

at the same time, I wonder as I drive home in Southeast Florida traffic each day after work what that looks like. To possess a wild Faith that I read about in Scripture. The life of Jehu, David, Paul and Jesus.

There are not a lot of models for such faith today. Most men are just happy to live a life that has them withdrawing from everything and calling that faith. No living, no experiencing, nothing that inspires the people to strive to be inspired. just setteling into weekly services, the occasional deacons meeting, then loosing it during a sports event. that primal stuff has to get out somewhere. certainly can't do it at church.

it is funny though, as the Jews got really proud of themselves and the Temple had built for them, as they became leaders of the Law and as they were pillars of the religious community...When all that happened, God sent a wild man freak from the wilderness to usher in the Kingdom. Some ragged looking, bug eating, camel skinned dude preparing the way for the King Himself. No white robes, no pretty ties, no big pulpits, no need for pasrking no need for choirs...Just a simple message..."Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand." wonder what would happen if a rough looking dude showed up at 1 mega church place and said he had a word from God? would we be spiritually attentive enough to know if he actually had a word?

it seems to me that the freak, the wild man has always been at the anti message that reminded the complacent and the comfortable that it was time for a change.

in the beauty and wonder that is the mega church age, where thousands flock each week like cattle to feeding, it is like a tribe. Mostly middle to upper class white folks who drive SUV's. we all hang out together, seldom coming in contact with people "other than" us. folks on the outer banks of life. you know the ones, the ones we would not want in our life boat if the ship was going down.

in all the conferences I have attended, called moves of God, there have been few people of color. We were all the same. white bread folks, praising a dark skinned Jesus who looks more like people we persecute than us.

but the wild man still roams the countryside spreading his message of repentance and offering more than status quo. He does not know the church language, but has a message from God Himself..."Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand." a message so powerful, yet so simple, it peirces the heart and calls for action of some kind.

and from time to time, there rises out of the slumber that has fallen on the American church one who hears and senses something more...Hears the howling of the wind that is the Spirit, feels the smallest taste of freedom to break free from the mundaness that has calmed down the beast within.

I know of 2 men who are like this.

Burger King Faith, or faith my way, is easy enough. Basically it is sin management, or closet faith. It requires nothing more than a polite love for others, the traffic wave, and a hello, or even merry Christmas from time to time...It certainly requires no repentance or transformation of life that would lead to change at the very core of our being.

because there is no call to die, and a call to be consumed by this God who is a "consuming fire", our Faith, or reflection of what was once a underground movement that people were dyeing to be part of, is now tamed like a trained and well kept poodle, so what we have are political believers who desire change be made through legislation rather than Gospel powered changed lives.

I heard the howl of the wind again this morning, I read Colossians.
Col 1:24-27
24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I do my share on behalf of His body (which is the church) in filling up that which is lacking in Christ's afflictions. 25 Of this church I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God, 26 that is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations; but has now been manifested to His saints, 27 to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.28 And we proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ. 29 And for this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.

It has been to long since I have heard the call of the wild. 2 years to be exact. I had thought that he had decided to keep me on the bench. BUT, "He who began a good work in me will complete it..."

it aint over. not by a long shot. Matter of fact...If you listen closely, you can hear the rustle of leaves as He moves across the Forrest that is our soul. If you concentrate, He may ask you to do something that may have others questioning your sanity. But one thing you will hear is the whisper to die...die to your self and live to Him. Not part, but all

Jesus did not come to give you a good life, He came to kill you so he could live through you.

"He is not safe...But He is good."

Simple Man

I am not sure my heart has ever grasped the gravity of having a son. There are so many things that cause a man to swell with pride. Some good, others bad. But having a son, your own name sake, really caused me to be proud.

I remember introducing him to people and saying the words "this is my son".

I remember watching wrestling each week, and finally having to stop because he clotheslined me off his dresser.

I watched him get his first hit on the football field. He cold cocked the kid and stood over him like a warrior from long ago...Adrenaline pumping and me screaming for joy at a distance.

I watched him be different from the crowd. Had his own style, his own attitude.

he is a huge dreamer.

He was a little badd ass. He fought a lot. I went to school one day to spend some time in his class. During recess, he beat down some kid for talking junk about me. I should not have been , but I was proud he cared enough to stick up for me.

as a kid, he was not afraid to try anything.

advice flowed like the Niagara in those days. The big sex talk was ongoing from age 10. But as I did, TJ learned the way he needed to. Sometimes it was the hard way, something it was easier.


We walk a like, we talk alike. I taught him to walk in a way that when he entered a room, people knew he was there. He is a confident young man. I taught him that he never had to feel less than a man around anyone.

when he graduated, we had a family ceremony. I laid my hands on him and blessed him, as Isaac did his sons. As Abraham did. He was sent out into the world with the knowledge of who his God was, and given the opportunity to one day convey that blessing to his family. It was probably cheesy to him then. But it stands out as a defining moment in the life of our family in my heart.

He has married the love of his life, and he now has a son. She is perfect for him. In every way. A great mother and a wonderful addition to the craziness of our family. I still find myself trying to give advise and be all wise. I wish I could see him more, spend more time with him. But the truth is, he will find his way. As he leads his family, he will ask the same questions I did, deal with the same issues my dad did, struggle with the same things most men do.

I love to watch him with his son. he is a good father.

He is a child of the Most High God. He is a man. A husband, a father and a Marine. He has served in Iraq. And I am proud to call him my son.

above all else my son, seek God. Lead your wife to seek Him. And teach your son to seek Him. For in this, your Blessing will be realized.

Simple Man
Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this It will help you some sunny day.

Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find the woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son, There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son, If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied.

Boy, don't you worry...
you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied.

Don't Give me no lines...

When she looked at me for the first time and smiled, she took something she has never given back. my heart. the first time she held my hand as we walked is forever etched in my mind.

When she hugged me, she hugged me with a true love. when she kissed her "sugar spot" on the bald spot on my face, she always smiled. OOOOEeeee was the word for the day.

her eyes have always been filled with a bit of innocence and beauty. a beauty that had escaped most. Since my first connection with her eyes only one has gotten close enough to look at the deep beauty that lies within.

She has been a daddy's girl since she was born. every step of the way, I wanted her to know she would never have to be afraid of being alone, afraid, worried about the acceptance of others and most of all, punks who would come looking for one thing but finding another/ she has been loved completely, taught what it means to love, follows her God, and inspite growing up in daddy's youth group, turned out pretty well.

I, we, have taught her the value of trust and faith in a big God. We have taught her the value of holiness and what it means to be a woman of virtue.

I have, and will always protect her from all that would harm or threaten. it is a fathers love.

I knew the day would come, we even prayed for the day to come, that the one man she dated would be the one she would marry. I am not yet sure this is him, but she is deeply in love with a young man who tenderly looks at her, and her face lights up. I knew it was coming, but I do not welcome it. not because of him, but becasue of the process.

I saw a picture of them together the other day. and for the first time, I did not see my little girl, I saw a young beautiful in love.

her face was radient, hopeful, full of dreams and longing, filled with the thought of completenness.

I recognize that look. I first saw it in her mother 25 years ago. on a sunny day in Lake Walk In Water, Sheri looked at me and I knew from that moment on, I would love her. her beauty has grown , her eyes are still full of that love for me, that hope for the future and excitement about the future.

I pray for my little girl, the love I have been allowed to share, the joy of a lifetime with another, the excitement of what has not been done or dreamed of. but most of all, I pray that those beautiful eyes will be filled with the love she so desires.

always my baby girl...

The fog that is

recently, I posted an event in my life. the event has left me in a fog with no energy and about a 1/2 tick off.

as the fog begins to recede and clearness begins to submerge, I am left with a few questions and thoughts.

My thoughts are, I had a major panic attact. The doctor will have to tell me otherwise on WED.

Stress, from places we do not expect comes out in certain ways in certain people. apparently this has been my deal. undealt with stress.

my mind is clearing, along with other things but it was freaky. very freaky and real.

a few years ago I would have thought this is result of something I had done, and as a result, God is getting my attention. however, it seems as though I have blown a gasket let some pressure out and cleared the air. I am not at all sure the same could have been done mearly with a fart.

lately, there has been much joy and wonder in my daily times of prayer and acripture reading. The Lords spoke to me clearly last wed night and spoke into my heart "You have been restored". after weeping over my pride I had been set free from it. no longer was it needed to walk the wilderness, no longer do I need be ashamed for my lack of not knowing and missing what God had for me.

so. I will not go silently. stress or not.

Kingdon leader and teacher. It is His call on my life.

as I woke the last few mornings with not much sleep, there has been a sence of walking through the forrest, thick with fog and wet with mist. trying desperatly to escape, I realized the dampness was the mist of His Holy Sprit, soaking my mind and heart. As a friend told me...I just wallered around in it for a bit. the smell of holy was sweet in my nostrils, the security was strong and the place was full of grace.

then I look at the mirror and saw the beast that I am...only now the brow was not so furled and there was no stress.

to many times I havetried to leave this place of learning and difficulty. but now it is my desire to stay and let the rain fall on me ...Rain On mE.

difficulties of life are seen by some as coincedience, some see out side powers s the culprit. some are physical, some are just our own stupidity. I am not sure what this was, but I will continue to look into the belly of the beast.

if it is repentance that is needed...it shall be so.

I lay myself on the altar of god asking for Him to trust me with Himself. not for fame or the ability to sway folks with great words, not the gift of anything rather than Himself.

Lord if it be so, I would lay on the altar, no need to be placed there. I submit to you and your plan.

May I be counted worthy of being you kingom person.

The Darkness

Darkness fell. all that was light was covered as my eyes struggled to adjust to the vast emptiness that seemed to pounce on me as a preditor waits for his prey. unprepared for what came and from where it came.

breath seems fleeting. thoughts race searching for understanding, reason.

sweat oozes from my pours. my skin feels hot. I am in flee mode for fear of being caught...but from what?. sounds become louder and closer.

my heart scrambles to keep up with the pace that has quickened becasue of what feels like somekind of attack from the outside. breath is deeper but shorter as I prepare to flee from what ever awaits. I can hear my breathing, hear my heart, feel it in my throte as the quickened pace contiues.

emotion breaks loose as a prisoner held in a dam that has broken and floods my soul. raw emotion. ancient fear from questions I dare not ask yet cannot seem to run away from.

Light breaks through. but I look at the Light from below as if in a box. the Light can be seen but not enjoyed. am I gonna die?

I look up...and there I am. sitting on the edge of my bed looking in the mirror and face to face with the beast that is me.

what the hell just happened to me?

Walk The Line

I woke up thinking about my daddy today. He has been with Jesus for about 14 years. Still seems weird. Every now and then, I get a whiff of him in the air.

Big Jim was a player long before thuglets put on baggy pants and cocked their caps to the side. He was a man of the game. He was a trucker, amoung many other things... Once his truck got reposessed, he broke in the lot, made a trip to calif, and put it back in the lot before they knew he was gone, walked up to the man and gave him a check. He played the game for years. He was a gambler ,He lost more money than I will ever earn in my life. He liked diamond rings, Rolex watches and when he walked into a room, every one knew it. He became very successful in transportation. At one time in the early 80's, he was it in the southeast. It was cool to see.

in the early 70's, there was a movement in California called the "lay renewal movement." he was a big part of that. He came to know Jesus and freaked all his outlaw buddies out. freaked me out.

His life was spent from one extreme to another. On fire or burned out, no in between.

he had the biggest forearms I have ever seen.

my kids have some memories of him. The paw paw memories. But I am afraid they will not know him the way he really was.

as quick as he was to make a buck, he was just as quick to give one away. He was a hardy man with great stories. Rough and wild, but gentle at times. A man of great reputation, not always good, but great in stature. "one of a kind" as his stone says.

people have lived and died and then are forgotten.

Big Jim lives on in my heart because I miss him. My whole life was spent trying to please him. Some after he died I think.

I ran away as a teen, leaving a note saying I had to "find myself." he always asked me if that ever happened.

I broke his heart. Hurt him in personal ways because I was thinking about me and my wants. As a parent, I understand why he took things so personal.

he loved my kids. TJ was his first grandchild. He loved him very much. I hope and pray TJ's son looks at me the way TJ looked at my daddy.

He loved snuggling with Linsey. He tried to hide it, but tears would well up as she kissed his rough face.

he never told me he loved me. "I would not take anything for how you turned out" he said once.

he had a strong hand shake and demanded I had one.

he was a boxer, played catcher for the 3A St. Louis Cardinals, collected money for the mob, spent several nights in the "box" of a southern work camp, could run the table on any pool game, was a carnie for a while, plowed a field with a mule, and I am sure he walked to school up hill both ways in the snow, fished bass tourneys, becacme a avid golfer and for most of the 30 what ever years they were married, he loved my mother.

I saw him knock a man smooth out for trying to tell him how to deal with his business.

I saw him cry when I got married. He knew I was to young, he knew we would struggle...But he was there.

He died too young. 54. for almost 7 years, every sick day I had from work, every vacation day was spent with him at the hospital. heart almost gone. organs to far gone because of heart problems. once a year, he would alost die...then go home.

for as young as he was, he lived more in those 54 years than most do who live to be 100.

I would not trade one moment for any of those days. he could have died any time the doc said, but he held on. after all that, he did not pass away in a hospital room, but home in his sleep. alone...with his stupid poodle that never left his side for 4 years. we all hated that dog.

A movie about Johnny Cash is out. My daddy embodied the spirit of Cash and his rebellious and redemptive ways.

we never had to wait till Christmas to open gifts. His child like excitement never made it that far. With five kids, we were always enjoying the gifts a few days before, against my mothers wishes.

this is for you Big daddy. Of all the memories, I wish I could just sit and talk for a while. Things are different now. I understand a bit more of what life is about. It would be cool just to chat and reminisce. Come to think of it...That is what we are doing. I miss you. I miss you sitting with my son, my grandson, my little girl is not so little anymore.

Walk the Line Big Daddy...Walk the line.

If the house is a rockin...

Dancing has never been my thing. When I was doing lots of chemicals, I always thought I could dance, but I never really could. Slow dancing was cool. I remember holding my wife close, smelling her hair, looking into her eyes trying to sing what ever drunken song that was playing. But as most, I really thought I had a little move or two on the floor. I could keep a beat for a few moments, but in the end, I was like most drunken rednecks and just flailed my hips around like I was some caveman looking for a mate.

Never liked watching dancing either. Dancing with the stars? You gotta be kidding me!!!

Someone mentioned today "waltzing with God's Spirit" on a comment. For a brief moment, I let my mind wander...What follows is the end of that process.

Lately, scripture has been as sweet as Tupelo Honey to my lips. Passion that I thought had been lost during the dispersion seemed to only need be uncovered. desire that rises up in me as I read each day is an ancient longing that can only come from One who died but now is alive.

we are to easy to forget and leave behind that Ancient of days that calls from eternity past in order to embrace a so called newness.

we try and keep in step with the Spirit, or "waltz" if you will, to the soothing melodies of a wild lover calling from beyond our comfort into a world we do not know, with wonder beyond our understanding and the unknown longing as deep calls to deep.

yet the tunes we seek to move to are often not the same tune that supports our form of movement.

I love the blues. Texas Blues. Even more specific, Stevie Ray blues. But I am also drawn to the old black man sitting on a chair tapping his foot and bellowing out hurts from a love gone wrong and a women gone bad. Delta blues.

sometimes, the movement He calls me to involves a different beat, a slow down, or even a speed up. But because I seem to be stuck in my own deal, I miss great opportunities that would allow others to hear and move to His calling and His leading.

I closed my eyes as we worshiped with others and wanted to actually dance around. You remember what it was like as a kid when we could close our eyes, lift our hands and move about like the wind was carrying us? That is how I felt today. Of course, I did not do this. Out of fear of being seen as an idiot, but mostly out of unwillingness to really let myself go and experience worship rather than just do worship.

I love my God. I am deeply in love with Jesus. He asked me to dance today. I pretended like I did not hear him. I stood alongside the back wall with all the other geeks waiting for some action, and when He showed up, I freaked out.

not sure how it will turn out next time. But he did tell me he would be back. Hopefully, my response will be different.

not sure I am into living my life for what could have been.

anybody wanna dance?

"if the house is a rocking, don't bother knockin...come on in" SRV

Night Moves

I love it when Jackson just sits with me. these are times that are fleeting and must be enjoyed with much affection. I like it when he sleeps on my shoulders.

Most of my reading as of late has been spent with John. Each morn about 6 am, I roll my big booty out of bed grab a cup of java, and head to the ole chair under the light.

This morning, I had the priveledge to read again the account of the Last Supper. Small things catch my attention each day as I try and not rush through something my eyes have seen many times before. Hints of danger each day have come as Jesus freaks people out about commitment. You can amost smell the disdain the religious had for Jesus.

but today there was no danger, no deep hidden truth, no theological meaning, just one phrase.

"now there was leaning on on Jesus' bosom one one of His disciples, whom He loved."

open your mind to this for a moment.

we get the picture of all the guys on one side of the table looking all...what ever.

here is what I saw as I gazed into this point and time.

there was a moment in between the bread and the wine, just before judas did his deal...and while there was a moment, this man, whom Jesus loved, laid his head on the chest of Jesus. as a child, he rests on the one who loved him dearly was was loved in return.

sometimes we need to remember the kingship of Jesus and bow before Him in humility.
sometimes we out to bow before Him in His grandure and holiness.
sometimes we need to be broken over ourselves for our stupidity.

and sometimes we need to just lay on His chest. catching a moment, ever how fleeting , just to remind us we can...and he can.

I had no specdial needs today, other than the grace given for what lay ahead. nothing that had me stop everything and seek a miracle. there have been those. this was no day for anxious thoughts over lack of funds, or protection of children. it was a day that I prayed for the Bride...and I simply lay on His bosom.

in the midst of life, may you steal away for a time of rest on the bosom of our Lord.

Last wish or life's desire?

I am sure this will make it way across blog world. but having dealt with the recent death of a co-worker, the truth here is universal.

Live. And Live Well.

BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now.
On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.
If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.
Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.
If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.
Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.
If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.
If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well.
At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life.
Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift.


From Kyle Lake's last sermon as read at his funeral and exactly as he wrote it (via Dan Kimball at Vintage Faith)

"Shorter of Breath and One Day Closer to Death"

A few years ago, there were some posters that came out that were pictures in a picture so to speak. The thing was to let your eyes relax as you stared at this thing, and another totally different picture would emerge...Sort of a 3d kinda deal. Sometimes I would see the hidden picture, other times I would look like an idiot staring at the wall.

I have been tryin to look at life as a whole for the past few years. Sometimes I get messed up by getting real close to the canvas and focusing on one little detail for a while, but mostly, I have tried to look at the big picture.

There are certain things that are clearer in my life since I am no longer a staff member of the local Body.

most of my time spent on staff was spent with other believers. I was constantly surrounded by those who believed as I did. While there were some minor differences, it was pretty much the same. Hours were spent looking at a particular part of the canvas, discussing and pointing out difficulties we saw on the actual mural. At the end of the day, we seldom looked very far back, nor did we spend much time looking very far forward.

the farther I walk away from the canvas, in order to get a better look at the bigness of life, I find myself running to people who are focused on a different part of the picture. While it is interesting to try and dialogue with those who see the canvas different than I do, it has been difficult realizing I may have been focused on the wrong thing.

many believers will spend more time looking at a bizarre color on Revelation and miss the picture all together. Many will spend way to much time on another area than I would. But we all tend to look at one part of the canvas to justify our own individual thought process.

More and more I try and read stuff that is different from what I actually believe. Understanding another's ideals may be difficult, but it can help us to understand folks. As hard nosed as I am about certain things, I find there are others that are the same in their understanding.

Scripture for me has been more than an old book of stories. I have found with in its pages life, understanding and confrontation. From the beginning to the end, the picture of redemption is a beautiful painting painted with care, purpose and desire by the most wonderful of Artists.

many lose the completeness of the painting by simply treaing is not as a work of beauty and purpose, but as a super wal-mart. With so much stuff, you cannot buy it all, so we can pick and choose which parts we may want to take home.

the good thing about buffet style thinking is having the ability to look and choose what one wants, what one can use, what seems to be needed.

we cannot apply the same thoughts to what is to be taken as complete.

Bargain shopping at the mall of convenience cannot be the attitude we take when dealing with the Words of Scripture. Nor can we use excuses with what is breathed and inspired by Him who is seated on the Throne above the Earth.

As a young man, I have shaken my fist at the establishment leaders while crying out "you do not understand! There has to be more to this! You cannot take what is given to man and twist it into your own agenda!"

as an older man. "shorter of breath and one day closer to death", I am finding that it is those who are against Christ as Judge, but for Christ as love. For Christ as savior, but against Christ as divider of men. For John 3:16, but against John 3:18.

my point is this.

we cannot pick and choose based on convenience, what parts of the whole picture we will take and which we will leave behind.

we were created to give glory to God. We cannot do that by reading scripture as if it is a irrelevant dated book written by people who were somewhat ditzy. Nor can we look at part of redemption history as children stories and object lessons. Nor can we try and take the edge of what is "sharper than any two edged sword." nor can we pick and choose truths and directions like picking grapes off while leaving others since they are not to our liking.

I desire to know what it means to be in it but no of it. I desire to know the full life I was promised. I desire to be part of a greater cause. I desire to know Him, His character, His heart and His face. I desire to walk in transforming resurrection power that reanscends problems and issues that distract.

in a country that has embraced weak and easy faith, it is vital we become people of the Word.

I read about Wycliffe. He was burned at the stake for what he did by translating scripture. Years later, they still hated him so bad, they dug up his bones and burned them again.

today, Americans treat scripture as a Harry Potter book. It is nice to read, but all these stories can't possibly be real...Can they?

Show me how to live

Sometimes life smaks of emotion and adrenaline. Sometimes darkness is heavy. Sometimes we grieve. Sometimes we overflow with good. Sometimes paperwork is a pain in the left cheek.

life rolls on. Day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year. Many have come before and many will come after. Not all will ask the questions that raise issue. Most will live and die. For the road is narrow. Much more narrow than I realized before this morning.

I try to get the most out of the day. Headaches and work, breakdowns and situations often try and steal away those precious moments when we forget we are alive.

being challenged by the faith of another or lack thereof, being challenged by the beliefs of another, or lack thereof, being reminded of how little I know keeps a bit of the fire raging in my head and heart.

Lately, as I told a friend, a majestic Lord has beckoned me to His presence. A great king, full of glory and wonder seated on His throne, ruling absolutely has called me out of slumber. The enormity of this One who spoke into existence all that is quite humbling to say the least. But for Jesus, I could not approach...But not for Jesus, I am not sure I would want to. Holiness cause me to tremble at times, as I get a glimpse of the floor before Him.

I had thought at one point in life that it was all good. Figured out and laid out. It did not work out as I had planned.

so this morning, I am in John, digging the Canaan visit. Digging the fact Jesus was at a wedding and digging the fact His mom was trying to do her mom deal. For a moment, I realized why I am loving Him so much. For a moment, I am picturing Jesus and a few of His boys hanging out drinking a glass of wine, talking about life, picturing Him smile as He puts His arm around someone and asks how they are. And unlike us, really wanting...And already knowing. It was cool to meditate on that. Soak it all in.

then...This...

John 2:23-25
23 Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, beholding His signs which He was doing. 24 But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, 25 and because He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man for He Himself knew what was in man.

is it possible that this still happens?

ok. I think I trust Jesus. But turns out that is not all to the equation. I trust Him, because...(insert stuff here).
cause He saved me?
cause he loves me?
cause he forgave me?
cause he blesses me?
cause he brought my son home from Iraq?
cause my daughter is safe?
cause my family is healthy?
cause my life is good?

turns out, I trust Him, but He may not trust me. He withheld Himself from men because he knew them. What the freak? This really smaks out the universalism view of all roads leading to God.

he knows us. The games we play, the lies we tell and keep secret. He knows us better than we realize.

now obviously, there are some He did not withhold himself from. Obviously, this is a light look at a very serious and heavy thought.

next time you wonder why the Holy Spirit is not moving in your life and the transformation power of the resurrection is not visible to those around you, the next time you wonder why you don't desire God, or why He does not allow you to play a bigger part in the kingdom...Ask yourself this question...

Does Jesus trust me? why or why not?



In with the early dawn
moving right along
I couldn't buy an eye of sleep
and in the aching night
under satellite
I was not received
with the stolen parts
a telephone in my heart
someone get me a priest
to put my mind to bed
this ringing in my head
is this a cure is or is this a disease

hey hey I said
near as I can figure
you gave me life now
show me how to live
hey hey I said
near as I can figure
you gave me life now
show me how to live
in the afterbirth
on the quiet earth
let this things remind me
you thought you made amend
you better think again
before my row defines you

hey hey i said
near as i an figure
you gave me life now show me how to live
hey hey i said
near as i can figure
you gave me life now
show me how to live

and in your waiting hands
i will land
and roll out of my skin
and in your final hours i will stand
ready to begin
ready to begin
ready to begin
ready to begin

hey hey i said
near as i can figure
you gave me life now
show me how to live
hey hey i said
near as i can figure
you gave me life now
show me how to live
show me how to live
show me how to live
show me how to live
show me how to live


AudioSlave

Hurt

The stench of death looms in the atmosphere of my world. thick, heavy and full of sorrow. The air stinks.

Mike died on Monday. As hurricane Wilma swept through South FL, winds driving, breaking and destroying, Mike lay lifeless and alone.

He drank too much. He was in poor health. He had become increasingly undependable at work. He was miserable, yet unresponsive to the Gospel. He was a co worker. He helped me out a great deal when I arrived here. more than I told him. He was here, now, as if a memory from a breif meeting long ago...he is gone. No clue of his eternal destiny. there is huge regret in my heart. I really do not want to dwell on that. I will block this out, as most do, to keep the guilt of silence at bay.

funny how the discussion I have had about church seems meaningless now. traditional, relevant, emerging...all these are words I have spent much time over. throwing rocks at and embracing. trying to change to make my existance seem valid. yet through all the words and discussions, the fact remains...Mike is dead. the church that is me did not reach him.

all the time I had talked down at the church, I was actually talking down to myself. As we are the chucrh, I am the church, I have to take responsibility for the lack of concern and love shown to the least of these. the lack of encouragement needed by people like Mike everyday. people who need. people who are.

funny how when things get personal we decide to act. funny when some one I know dies, I get it. funny how when we deal with something, we think every one should deal with it. funny how I can turn the death of a man I barely knew into something about me. Funny how when I see something Jesus sees every day I get all Jesusy.

not funny how damn selfish I am.

for the first time, the reality of a world that is with out Jesus hits home.

for the first time, the excuses of not sharing Jesus hold no sway.

for the first time, theology has skin.

for the last time, my lips are sealed.


I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything


What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here


What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Nine Inch Nails

Sympathy for the Devil

The following is what has risen up in me as part of a discussion over the issue of compassion and honesty in regards to the exclusivity of Jesus (or lack thereof) among American Christians.

This may be difficult for you to believe (if you actually know me), but I am not, nor am I the son of a compassionate man. I have in recent years gained a few points on the mercy gifts as I test for my Spiritual giftedness. But I have always strived to be honest. Blunt is also a word that has been used to describe me.

somewhere along the line, being honest with people about certain things has led most to believe that if you are honest, even in a way as not to desire to hurt or bring them down, you have no compassion or concern for the wellbeing of that person.

at the same time, we embrace a sense of deception that is running rampant in or society. As we struggle with the reality of the "Faith of our Fathers", we are left with nominalizing what was once a high standard and a warning for those who would trifle with lack of commitment. Individualized and non communal Americans have achieved more and have more than any generation in history. But, while achieving the dream that has brought millions to this great land, we have become desperate not to offend and confront with the truth out of fear of being alienated, having tithes withdrawn, hurting feelings and losing members.

I contend that you cannot not offend with a Gospel that was designed to offend and be contrary.

contrary to who we are at the core.

contrary to what we understand life to be.

contrary to culture.

How can something that began as underground movement that centered on Faith in a Guy that was killed cause He hammered the establishment...is alive now and he will transform you if you just believe...become so, well, sweet?

what if...

when we walked the aisle, took the preacher man by the hand, looked in his eyes and with a tear rolling down our cheek told him we wanted to be saved...and he said this...

Here the deal slick. when Jesus went back to heaven, He left this whole church deal in the hands of 12 men who ended up dieing for their Faith. but before they did, they changed the world. saw things most people never did. experienced things people only read about. they were beaten, jailed, disowned and sometimes, they were alone. but they were never ingored. thousands of people have followed in their footsteps. it is not an easy life, but if you believe that Jesus did what he did, said what he said, people may mistreat you, Jesus may ask you to die alone on a foreign land for this, you may suffer, you may not have wealth or live in a big house or drive a nice car. but if you give your life to this Man who died...you will truly live. Truly live.

My pastor did not say those things to me.

truth is, no one ever said those things to me. and if they did, I am not at all confident i would want that gig.

but is that not what we should be telling people? should we not tell them what Jesus actually requires from them?

I contend that we do not understand what we get into when we say we trust Jesus.

I contend that what we hear today is Jesus helps you stop (insert sin here)...

I contend within 20 years, the church will lose tax exemption, and millions will leave.

I contend we live on the back side of a morality war that we did not have an interest in winning.

I contend that most Americans actually believe Jesus was white and was good looking. After all, who wants to follow an ugly Jesus?

when we do not give people the whole story...you know, Jesus loves you, but He expects you to die, we contribute to a less than Gospel.

I am not a prophet nor do I speak with the authority of a denomination or church. however, i do speak to what I see and have seen and have heard.

and, just like many of you, I am adding to the discussion

I also contend Steve Ray is playing for the Father at the Throne on blues night.

Words of unity

There is a lot of discussion in our country and our churches for that matter, about unity. We must come together for a common purpose and goal to be effective.

these words echo in multi million dollar cooperation's, educational institutions, locker room speeches, and video rental stores.

it is clear, unity brings strength and focus.

as I surfed through the several hundred channels on my TV, preparing for a full day of college football and snacking, I came across an event on C-Span called the Million More Movement. A celebration of the 10th anniversary of the Million Man March, which was organized by the Right Mininster Louis=s Farrakhan, leader of the Nation of Islam.

Back ground.

I am from Mississippi. Therefore, I, and most of my family, not all, but most, were or are racists. Jesus has set me free from that, and loving people regardless of skin color has become a part of my life.

as I watched and listened, what I learned was very profound.

I watched as clergy from almost every faith were presented, each touting their dedication to their race, their rescue of those suffering from Katrina and Rita. Each giving respect and love and Honor to the leader of the movement.

besides the clergy, various leaders of various seperatist movements, whose sole aim seems to be separation and destruction of the oppression by any means needed.

as leaders came forward, they began to mention in the same breath, with the same honor, Allah, Jehovah, and God. All seemingly flowing from the same truth and understanding.

regarless of what I may think of this event, this doctrine they teach, they have a unity we will never understand. their unity comes from oppression as a race of people. they have laid aside purity of doctrinal teaching about the exclusivity of Jesus Christ to come together for a common purpose. overcoming oppression.

Because I am an American, and a southern man, I am proud of my country. I am not proud of how we as a nation have opressed Black folks, Native American, immigrants, women and children in our racist past.

having said that, lets us jump to the point.

Because we speak of unity in the church, let me make one thing clear.
The Church, set in place by God the Father, cleansed by the atonal sacrificial death of Jesus Christ, and guided by the Holy Spirit, can not stand in unity with any movement, and faith, any person that does not have faith in the exclusivity of Jesus Christ as the only way to Salvation.

no matter how many covenants we speak of, no matter how we are ridiculed, no matter how we may offend those we are trying to reach...

God does not have the name Allah. He is not the same God under a different name. All roads do not lead to the same God. We are not all moving toward the same understanding on a spiritual plane.

even though the American Church has become one of many places of worship, along side various temples and other establishments, and we may seem to be in competition for the same people, so that we may justify salaries and programs, Salvation comes from Jesus and Jesus alone.

we must not compromise on this issue. But alas, I fear we have already lost the influence that once help shape a generation.

we have placed our faith in a political party to change culture and legislate morality rather than stand on Biblical principals and understanding.

Our President (and affiliated political parties)
who reside in Washington,
much is our dedication.
A second terms has come
can we hang on
to give us more legislation?
Give this day a Supreme court justice
that will over turn abortion
and we will give you allegance
from our pulpits.
look not upon our lives and how we live,
and we will vote for you
when the democrats rise again.

American Idiot

A friend of mine said "most people settle for the church they attend. They seldom go where they really want to."

I believe to a large extent that is true. We are so stuck in the rutness of life that we settle. We settle on most things. The majority of people do not work where they want to, but where the benefits are good. We give up on dreams and adventure and settle for mundaness and existence.

"What did you want to be?"
"I don't know, I cant remember...But it wasn't this."
Jerry Sienfeld and Elaine Bennis

We as a culture have embraced self preservation in such a huge way, it has taken over the thoughts and actions of our daily and Spiritual lives. My pastor told us last night "we live in the mega-Church age, but we baptize less people now than we did in 1965. There are less people per generation going to church than the previous one. 80% of all church programs are funded by those 55 and older, when they die, the church as we know it will cease to exist."

I think about these issues and think about how so many of those who name the name of Christ have taken a defensive stand in our culture. Not offering words and lives of transformation, but pointing the finger of judgment and degradation...not to the lost, but to the very ones they are supposed to walk along side.

It has been cool not to settle for a place to attend and serve the Bride. The leadership is sharp, not concerned about pleasing a select few, humble to stand on The Word, and very passionate about the Gospel and true honest theology.

somewhere the issue stopped being about discussion and transformation and became about preservation and rock throwing. I among all men am the most guilty here.

somewhere along the line we became afraid to call sin sin.

somewhere along the line we got pretty and put on a sweater vest and Tommy cologne.

somewhere somehow we stopped trying to be what we are supposed to be.

somewhere we figured Christian is Greek for republican.

somehow we lost the roar that once echoed in the streets of a great and mighty Warrior who rules with majesty. We seldom hear of His majesty and Holiness now. But lest we forget, He loves you and has a plan for your life. Which is true. However, trying to make Jesus one dimensional is like trying to dam up Niagara with a shovel.

Somewhere someone told all musicians to put out a praise and worship CD. Not only that, but they told them to rehash all the songs someone else wrote. Never mind about original stuff. Watch for Alice Cooper newest PW CD coming soon. He did get saved...Right?

So. There you have it. Thoughts from an American idiot from SE FL.


American Idiot by Green Day

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new media.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mindf*** America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Well that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Well that's enough to argue.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information nation of hysteria.
It's going out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow

Smokin weed, Rock & Roll, getting Old(er) and Good Friends

A couple of weeks ago, I met some friends at a concert. We hung out for a few hours caught up on good conversation and went to see Journey. Lots of memories with that band. Several songs became favorites of mine and Sheri's through the years. Smoked mucho weed in HS listening to them.

there was a group of early twenty somethings who were apparently drunk for the first time a few rows down. Loud, rowdy, drinking and smoking weed. Memories of days gone by made me smile as we all got a kick from their foolery. A good time was had by all.

they new all the words to all the old Journey stuff. It kind of freaked me out. It made me realize something. Although my musical tastes differ from the mood I am in, good rock and roll is still my mantra. It amazed me how ten thoudand people could worship in such a way and not know that is what they were doing.

music touches our soul. Helps us deal with pain, gets us through situations and often brightens our day. Spring time Stevie Ray with the windows down sends chills down my spine just thinking about it. I am glad God gave us Rock and Roll. From Motown to Nickel Creek, it moves me. Lightens my day. Relaxes me.

My reality has been clear over the last few months. As I grow older, so do my children. Not good for me. The reality of parenthood is this...Our kids grow and move into their own lives and their own families. There is a point in all this where we (me) are not primary. While that is not bad, it is definitely weird. Letting go of one is more difficult. I have spent a great deal of time through the years letting her know she is safe. Encouraged her to live outloud, but knowing there was always a safety net. Not sure I like this crossroad.

I dig my wife. She is more to me now than ever. It is cool to look back and see we made it through the tough times. Was not easy, but now well worth it. I am not who I am with out her. She is as important to me than breath. We will be funny together as we get older. I can see it now. Walking , or me wandering through wal-mart and her having to herd me down the aisle, or keep telling me which way to go. But...That happens now. I am glad she is my wife.

I have had few dear friends in my life. The guys I hung out with are among those who I call friends. It is a comforting thing to know that there are guys like this in my life. Conversation about the reality of faith, and the freedom to look and make a call with out the fear of being hung out to dry. Thanks bro's. Got one friend I have never met. Conversations over the phone and a soul connection quickened that. Who knows what lies ahead with that.

I am drawing closer to returning to the fold. The opportunity to teach again has me more than ready. It has been too long. It is time to get back into the game. The self imposed exile is over. It was never as bad as I had thought. I was more idealistic that I should have been.

but we all were. I hung out with several other guys who were doing the same stuff I was. We spoke for hours of the ills of the Bride. Funny, now none of us are in the Church now. I call this time my Post Modern menopause.

life seldom turns out like I expect. Bobbing and weaving like a boxer in a title bout has become part of the deal. Take a punch, deal with it. Fall down, get up, or better yet, let your friends help you up.

"from the foundation of the world."

This is who we are

As I sit and try and get my head and heart around the devastation that has come to our land, sadness grips me. Unable to understand, just like the recent Tsunami's. The only thing that is certain is Him who reigns on high. May He grant mercy during this time.

as the news coverage shows us the horror of the destruction, there are clear pictures of our humanity. Helpless, people are wandering down interstate hiways, clinging to roof tops, and reaching for anything to hold on to. In desperate need of rescue. Some one to point the way, give instruction, show mercy, reach out and offer a hand. Wandering around as if confused, lost with no home, no direction, in shock. Gone. Everything gone.
this is who we are.

sinking into the depths of depravity, some are looting gun stores and clothing stores and jewelry stores. Belongings. In the middle of a flood zone.
this is who we are.

rising up from slumber, there are those who risk personal safety to help and rescue others. People they do not know. People who seem like the least of these.
this is who HE is.

I pray that who He is will shine brightly. Where there is nothing, I pray for His Spirit to be provider...Of mercy, need, support, comfort and belonging...But most of all, love.
this is who He is.

Identity

I had to fire a guy on Friday. It was the first time. It has been with me all weekend and still there is a gnawing in my gut. Nothing personal, it just had to be done. I did not like it. I hope I always feel this way when I have to make such a hard decision.

Part of why it was so hard is this...Men have the problem of being known and having their self worth determined by what they do. Their job. It becomes such a part of them, me, that there is no separation between the job and the rest of their lives. I can say this with all conviction.

for almost 10 years, my career was Student Ministry. I lived to speak to students. It was my passion and desire. I used to tell folks I felt most complete when I was speaking, or preaching. I have since learned thjat is not the case. But not doing that anymore has left a void in my life I did not expect. Although I am starting to see otherwise, the desire is still there.

This week end, Sheri and I spent 4 glorious days with our grandson Jackson. As usual, he has taught me something. something from God.

It did not matter to Jackson what I had done. He did not know me as a great communicator of the Gospel, nor did he know me as a man of great passion for the Word. It did not cross his mind that I had been employed at 2 huge churches. He just knew me as pop pop.

when he saw me, he would light up and say pop pop. He knew me for who I was, not what I did. All week end, it was the same. pop pop.

I had tried to tell him all the great things I had done. About all the students I had spoken to. About all the conferences I had been to, all the revivals I had done, and all the emerging church books I had read. And how I was really able to tell him the wave of the future in ministry and church life.

all I got was pop pop.

and you know what. That is all I really need. And finally, it is all I want.

I am not a player in the emerging scene. Not a player in big time student ministry, or even in life.

I am daddy to my little girl, old man to my son, crazy to his wife, just Jeff to others, sweetie to the love of my life...And pop pop to a 15 month old theologian.

I am cool with that.

The most dangerous Thing...

I saw this on a movie preview. It smaks of thought...

"The most dangerous thing is...More."

more what?
lets explore that.

being the pious type, I, of course, would say more of God. But that in it self is wrong. For we all know God gives us all we can handle. We do not need, nor could we handle more of God. ifwe lack knowledge it is our fault, not His. If we lack intimacy, it is our fqault, not His.

the issue here is God getting more of us. And the danger in that is us loosing our thought of self preservation. The danger of God having more of us comes when we die. Jim Elliot once said, "I prayed a strange prayer today. I prayed God would magnify Himself in me to the utmost, or slay me. By His grace I will not have His second best."

the danger in that is Jim dies a few years later in Ecuador trying to reach the Auca Indians.

the danger in God having more of us is seen in John the Baptist decreasing attitude toward himself. He dies in prison while Jesus is ministering a few miles away.

the danger is seeing God as He is. Moses did. Or at least he tried. Ended up face down in the dirt.

the danger is in understanding God will kill His children to further His kingdom. Ask Stephen.

Today we want to let people see how loving God is. And this is true. After all, it is "His kindness that leads us to repentance."

Hebrews 10:31
"It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

Let us not forget that with great love, there is great holiness. We trifle with that as if God was Santa. Many men have tried to trifle with God. It did not work then, it will not work now.

in an age of "let's all just get along", let us remember our place. And His place.

thoughts about Faith and other stuff from South East FL

Re-thinking how we do Church

The following was written by Ross King on Jan 8 2004. it is long, but well worth the read.

REASONS TO (perhaps) RETHINK YOUR church SITUATION:
If you judge your community of faith primarily by the preaching and the music on Sunday morning, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church.(1 Corinthians 1-3, esp. 1:17, 2:3-5, 3:4-15, and 4:6-7)
If the whole of your involvement is from 10 to 12 on Sundays, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church. (Acts 2:42-47 and4:33-35)
If you are a member (or whatever you call it at your particular faith community) of your church and you've never actually had a real conversation with the primary ("senior") pastor, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church.(see above)
If the teaching pastor of your church has become an across-the-nation celebrity, be careful. That's all I'm going to say about that one. Be careful. Oh, and pray for him. His job (and his responsibility) will get tougher as he gets more famous and in-demand. (James 3:1, Matthew 23)
If any of your pastors drive $60,000 cars (an admittedly ambiguous, but certainly not unfair figure), you might want to rethink the way you're doing church. (1 Timothy 6:3-21, 1 John 3:16-18, 1 Thessalonians 2:6-9, Luke 6:20-24)
If you’ve known your pastor for a significant period of time (an intentionally ambiguous phrasing) and you’ve never heard him admit that he is wrong or was ever wrong, you might want to rethink the way you’re doing church.
If you find that you're consistently criticizing your church and/or its leadership, but you never lovingly share those frustrations with your pastors, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church. (Acts 2:42, 1 Timothy 4:1-6, 2 Timothy 2:23-26 and 4:2-5, Titus 2 and 3, Ephesians 4:25-32 and 5:21, Matthew 5:23-25)
If you find that you're consistently criticizing your church and/or its leadership, and you have lovingly shared those frustrations with your pastors, but nothing has changed and you're still frustrated, what are you doing there in the first place? And don't give me that "God has called me to this church to help get it straight" business. That's a crock, and you are part of the problem, not part of the solution. You're probably driving your pastor crazy. You're probably in sin. If you want to change a church, pastor it. Or at least, pray for it. Serve it. Love it. But don't pester it. (same passages as above, plus Psalm 133, Colossians 2:1-5, 1 Corinthians 1:10-13, 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians 4)
If none of your closest friends are part of your church, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church.(same passages as above)
If you don't trust your pastor(s), or if you are always suspicious of their actions and/or words, please rethink the way you are doing church.(same passages as the last three, not to mention Romans 13)
If your pastor consistently gives cheap tips (or, God forbid, plan-of-salvation tracts instead of tips) to waiters and waitresses, you might want to rethink the way you’re doing church. By the same token, if your pastor is always trying to get a cheap deal, you might want to rethink. There’s a difference between stewardship and stingy-ness. (1 Timothy 6, Jeremiah 22:13-14, Isaiah 58:1-7)
If you don't consistently, sacrificially give money to your church, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church. (Matthew 6, 2 Corinthians 8)
If your church has a congregation-wide vote to make all of its major decisions, you might want to rethink the way you're doing church.
If your pastor’s teaching/living never confuses or frustrates you, you might want to rethink the way you’re doing church.(John 6, Luke 6:22-26)
If your church is so big that you begin to see the Acts 2 model as impossible, impractical, or irrelevant, you might want to rethink the way you’re doing church.
I think that’s enough for now. As always, dialogue is welcome. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I hope to provide you with a few questions that I think deserve a Spirit-filled, biblical answer. And I realize that it's difficult to find a church home that really fulfills the biblical mandates as you understand them. I feel very blessed to be in a church situation where the leadership and membership are honestly seeking the Truth. I pray the same for all of God's children. Blessings!
1/8/2004

Porn, the Heiress, and Purpose driven life.

I, along with the majority of men, have had my bout with porn. Moved past it, by His hand. This morning before we went to church, we watched in comical disbelief as High Society's Gloria Vanderbilt described her book and mentioned with great pride the number of times she had romances with married men, and countless romantic interludes during her 82 years of life.

now, before I sound to harsh, let me say this...You gotta be freaking kidding me!

what the hell happened to our value system? We have certainly gotten out of line.

it seems as though if you are wealthy, extremely wealthy, it is ok by society's standards to live like a slut and be called daring and edgy. Especially if there is some kind of art involved. After all, she was just looking for the love of her mother she never received.

however, it seems less artistic when a poor woman who lives in poverty and has no hope lives the same way. By the same way, sleeping around, ruining marriages, and destroying homes.

this broad should have been on Jerry Springer telling her tale of immoral activity, but we have celebrated her on a major news program, just because she is who she is.

say what you want, but the bottom line is this...When rich folks are involved in porn, we want to see it, hear about it, listen to it and see it again. Paris Hilton, Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson...You get the picture.

poor folks on the other hand, seem to be less interesting when it comes to there porn.

I am simply amazed at what we have become.

the next news was how "Purpose driven life" has become our new BIBLE. They have set up tables outside church to sell products before and after service. YEA market driven church. I wonder how many of the churches that went through that still respond how I heard one pastor respond..."Giving is up and so is attendance...It can't be all bad." I wonder how many pastors are still wearing the same kind of shirts old Rick wears?

we got to worship this morning and the message was on John 2 and Jesus cleaning out the Temple. it kinda freaked me out but I am sure it was just a coincidence. After all, we don't sell stuff at church...We don't do anything that would distract from what God intended the church to be...Right?

Just another commentary on life here in Beautiful South East Florida.

Legacy

Life is different when you understand a few things. The following is what I have learned after a weekend with my now walking Grandson...Jackson.

-I hurry way to much
-Living in the moment is more than a saying...It is truly a gift.
-Communication is still basically about pointing and grunting.
-The son of my son. He will be a better father than I was.
-I will be a better grandfather than mine was. Why? Cause I want to.
-Funny, I did not think at all about the post modern, emerging or traditional church. I thought about his place in the Kingdom. Him knowing the God of his father and his grandfather.
-I want 10 grandkids.

The issues that clouded my mind for so long mean nothing now. Not because I do not think they were important, but because they were misguided efforts at a revolution.

Jesus spoke to me this week end..."The revolution you seek is one of the heart, and it begins in your heart, and the hearts of your family. Teach them, teach them to teach their children. There was only one man who did it all, and it was not you...It was Me."

Legacy. This is mine.

That Smell

"Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars
Oak tree you're in my way
There's too much coke and too much smoke
Look what's going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you"

Lynyrd Skynyrd

A few years ago, I as at a youth camp with a couple of other churches. The speaker for the week, and I were standing around talking about stuff. Then it happened. They came walking around the corner. He was pimped out in the normal teen garb, hat turned sideways, and pants falling off his arse, wearing a "wife beater." She, scantily clad and snuggled up close while his well placed hand cradled her left cheek. When they saw us, they parted, only to get closer as they thought we were out of sight. The air reeked of cologne and perfume as they passed.

My friend took a deep breath of air and said "do you smell that?" "what, the perfume?" I asked. "No my friend, that is the unmistakable smell of depravity." He took another stong breath and said "Smell the depravity."

I laughed. But the comment has stayed with me through the years.

Being a recovering addict, I often refer to the lyrics above. Years of abuse left me all but hopeless, with the stench of death looming, waiting to crouch at my every display of addictive actions.

But the smell of depravity is quite different. What I have learned is that most of the time, when I would get a whiff of it, it came from an outside source. Not the case this week.

I have been in conversations with Mike about life, marriage, faith and addictions. While we are making some progress, he is not yet been rousted by the Holy Spirit. and all the conversations we have had has opened up a memory bank that i had only refered to in the past, actually thought I had locked away, looking back from time to time so as to check the door to make sure it was still locked.

Redemption is a gloriuos act of a loving and pursuing God. with out cause, but by His own greatness and grace, He has saved me.

Sometimes, when the relationship is clicking on all cylenders, there is a sweetness in the air. An odor of the wondrous, a smell of the Holy.

the last year of my life has been filled with the stench of pride and depravity. I tried to cover the odor with perfumes, actions and other things, just as I tried to cover the smell of weed in my room when my mother would knock on the door. it did not work then, it does not work now.

but like death, depravity has an overpowering smell. It cannot be covered. If ignored it can affect food, simple daily things and family. thoughts, actions and reality.

I have been beating my self with out mercy for my actions in the past year. Leaving and turning away from ministry, running away with my tail between my legs in shame. I missed something. somewhere i missed a road sign, did not listen to direction. and it cost me, dearly.

enough is enough.

forgiveness and restoration are not mythical acts of a distant God, nor are they theoretical thoughts we cannot understand. They are truths found in Scripture and concrete places I am standing...Firm, with great resolve. The games I have played with my self in order to play out this self imposed exile are over. And I lost.

Wilderness wanderings can teach great lessons. IF we look truthfully at the cause.

The sweetness of a Honey Suckle flower on a spring day fills the air as the breeze sends it across the area. The same is true of That Smell of Presence. It is permeating the room in which I sit. It over powers even the smell depravity, death and pride.

simple lessons learned from a scared past, laced with pride, salvation and forgiveness.

Take a deep breath...Breathe deep. Breathe in all that He is and all that we are not. Breathe in all He has given and exhale all He is not.

just breathe. Can you smell it?

I can. Finally.

True Equality

Probably one of the last places in this country where people cannot get over by who they know, where they live, how much money they have, or what kind of car they drive, is the Drivers license office.

Today I sat and was amazed at the different people who came through that office. Rich, poor, black, white, brown, yellow, young, old...They all were there. And no matter who they were before they came in that office, they, we, were all reduced to a number when we sat down.

next to me was a man from India, or someplace who smelled like BO, or strong onions. On the otherside was a wanna be rapper. Across from me was a nicely dressed woman and her preppie son. A Spanish man and his wife sat quietly main g no eye contact with anyone. An old man was talking to any one who would listen. We were all brought together for a moment in time for the same purpose. Driving.

I thought about all my years as a minister and professional Christian. Each Sunday and Wed I was with so many different types of people, but mostly the same color, for a purpose. But then I realized how many times I had come to church with my own agenda. Sucking up to certain people to get something, playing the game. Then I realized that if I had done this, others must have to. Thinking the agenda was the same, but now understanding that most of the time I had come not to see Jesus, but to fulfill a certain duty or get something for my self.

every body there today was there to get or fix their driving priveledges. All I needed to do was change the address on mine, but the same was true.

Salvation is a common need for all people. Color, creed, standing in the community does not matter. Today was a big deal for me. All my life I have gone to churches with white bread middle class people. No color in the crowd but blue...(hair) if we are all as believers going to worship around the throne of God, why not get a jump on that?

My thinking has been challenged. Just by getting my drivers license changed.

what is it going to take for us all to wake up to the inclusiveness of the Gospel?

Same old song and dance

His world is falling down around him. His wife has had enough of constant drinking and neglect. He will not see his kids each day. She is packing up and moving and he is not on the packing list.

His name is Mike. He works with me. His heart is broken. He has realized the err of his ways, possibly to late.

Oddly, I believe it is part of my calling to minister to him. I am al to familiar with the situation. I have walked this road before. I have known the pain of separation, the hurt of loss, the lack of desire to go forward.

I am asking you who read to pray for Mike. Not for the return of what he has lost, but an open heart for Jesus to save him.

and for me as I minister grace to his hurting heart.

thanks

Cuban cigars

I read an article about a youth group that ministered in an inner city. Good stuff. It is cool to hear of a youth guy who has missions and actually sharing the Gospel as a priority. Funny though, so many youth groups are expected to do that...But so many pastors go a year and never share the Gospel.

The article mentioned this phrase..."When God shows up."

no knock on the writer, cause I have used this phrase many times, as have many others. But as I read, I was reminded of David. "Where can I go from Your presence?"
Truth is, it is not God who shows up, it is us. He is already there...Preparing, moving, loving, healing and saving. We just get to see it happen.

I had a conversation with a true thinker today. A man who is not satisfied with milk toast faith. These men are not many in numbers. Most of us (me too) are not interested in the real emphasis of being a people of God, we just want blessings personally. Corperately, as a people of God we are brain dead. But, after all God loves you...And that includes your mind. I long for the day when I can love Him with all that I am, including the mind that seems to be filled with stuff that will make MY life better...Protect MY family...Keep Me from hardships...Give ME a good day. You get the picture.

This week, there will continue to be more arguing and trash talking about something that has not yet happened than concern about lost souls. I wish we as a people of God would be more concerned about those who live and die with out Jesus than a supreme court nominee. Hey...Is that you in that political picture? Or is that you at visitation? Or maybe that is you at the shelter...

I have learned more about relaxation by being at a minor league ball game than from anything I have done.

it is possible we have now become what fear most? Ineffective? Irrelevant? I was such a huge advocate of technology in ministry, yet now I fear that I may have tried to create an atmosphere of eye candy rather than give Scripture it's place...

Billy Graham is a democrat! HAHAHAHA!!! That messed up a large number of right winger evangelical. Funny...Could Jesus really not be republican? Will the heavens split open and the waters dry up? Stay tuned...Clinton is a Southern Baptist...Just goes to show ya. Politics and religion. You never know.

Why is it that all these so called prophets and televangelists claim to have the answers to health, success and happiness, yet, they sell their wares? If it will really change our lives...As a believer, shouldn't it be free??? Why is there no faith healers in the emergency room? And why, someone please tell me why do they have the combover? Can't Jesus heal that???

I took a look back today. If I were to die tonight, I am content with my life. coulda done more, said more, but I have loved deeply, been loved passionately and have had the opportunity to do what I love. My life is good. My wife is a wonder, my kids are grown and know Jesus, and I have grandchildren. Smoked a Cuban cigar, tasted some fine brew, tasted great food, seen many magnificent places on His creation and have been blessed with some great friends. From this point on...Every thing else is gravy. Thanks for this life Lord.

Billy Graham and Las Vegas

"What happens here, stays here."

Seems like a good slogan to build an advertising push. After all, why not offer what every one wants anyway? A chance to get away from the responsibilities of life, the job, the family, and just go some where and party like you really want to...With the realization that when it is over, it is over. No guilt, no remorse, no problem.

deep down, most of us want that. A place to let it out and not worry about the whispers of someone who may have seen us in a bar, walking into a nudie joint, or being seen with some one other than our spouse.

Enter Vegas. A place where your sinful desires can be realized and when it is over...It all stays there.

actually, a lot of that is happening at home...But there is that whisper thing when we go to church.

I watched an interview with Billy Graham last week. It made me sad. The last of a dying breed. A generation that will be soon forgotten. After all...He is not post modern.

I was sad because of his simple message. "God loves you." somewhere along the line, that was not enough for me, or for many of those emergent types I ran with. Somewhere along the line, we figured we needed more...It could not be as simple as love...Could it?

The simple, faithful, honest life of integrity this man led is an inspiration for me. God gave him a message to deliver and he did his part.

Today, many religious types believe God is going to use politics to change the world. Many demand a seat in the political arena simply because they are Christians. That is ok I guess. God wants you to have political representation. It just does not have the same ring as God loves you.

The life long pursuit of a simple Gospel delivery. Offering man the love of a God who created him and reminding him of the result of death with out that God. I never saw him preach in person. But I remember as a kid, my dad would have us all sit down and watch every night of every crusade that was on TV.

What happens in Vegas never stays in Vegas. We know that. We cannot hide from our sin, just like we cannot hide from the pursuing love of a Creator who killed His own Son that we may know Him. Billy Graham has been seen by more people in person than any man alive...and he told them all God loves them.

Here's to ya Billy! Thanks for being a model of life and faithfulness. If we do not see each other in this life...See you at the feast!

HARDCORE? Or just soft shell?

I was in Home Depot today buying some stuff. There was a man in front of me in line with a ball cap on that read "Hardcore Christian."
I wanted to ask him what it meant, but he was gone to quickly.

so, as usual, I pondered the word...Hardcore.

I have heard the word to describe several things over the years, such as:

Porn
Music
Hunting
Football
Bodybuilding
4 wheeling
Skating
Drug use
and last but not least, now, Christianity.

so what is the line between Christian and hardcore Christian? It seems to me that we get a kick out of adding adjectives to the word Christian, which was given by pagans to begin with, just to make our faith more cool, or mainstream, more vibrant.

Christianity, real Christianity is already hardcore, already radical, already simple, already freakish, already, WWJD, already wide open, already out of the norm. Why do we find it necessary to add adjectives to something already completely outrageous?

I saw a T-shirt from a camp a few years ago that read "extremely saved." is there any other form of Salvation?

using words that are used to describe porn and sports and other things really makes no sense to me. Jesus was the biggest freak and radical rebel who ever lived. But we want to put sandals and a cross necklace on Him, give Him blonde hair and blue eyes and forget words like "eat my flesh" and "take up your cross." and what every you do, do not mention anything about "bearing fruit" or being "cut down and cast into the fire." I call this guy "Mullet Jesus."

but, as usual, we Americanize things. "Normal" Christianity does not seem Hardcore, nor does it seem radical. That is why each summer, youth camps come out with these words that offer a different kind of faith, better, stronger, more real than what the students see at their churches and sadly in their homes.

this is harsh, but if we would back up a bit and analyze the situation, we would see the problem.

we have dumbed down the faith in such a way as to allow the money changers an opportunity to cash in on our lack of vitality and fervor.

Was Jesus radical? Was Jesus hardcore? Most would say yes. And if you compare the words of Jesus to what we hear today, His words are still that way.

so how do we explain to youth, and adults for that matter, why we never adopted Jesus radical and hardcore ways.

Jesus should not be thought of today as a radical, but the beginning of a radical movement. Christianity today should not be thought of as hardcore, but merely the continuation of a hardcore way of life that was introduced 2000 years ago.

but because we have settled for a less than way of life, Christians need to be reminded that we are hardcore and radical...By wearing hats, t-shirts and bumper stickers. This way, people can read it and we don't have to say anything.

no doubt this will anger a few. It hit a nerve with me. But hard core Faith is more than a membership. More than a slogan. It looks more like someone taking food to the homeless, selling everything and moving to the mission field, helping someone who we are less likely to help, getting our hands dirty when we don't want to, going out of our way to make the unlikely feel loved.

I look for opportunities like that more than I used to. I used to be stuck up and full of my self. Using service opportunities to pat myself on the back, lift myself up in my own eyes. Pride has brought me to my knees. It has not been a pleasant journey.

I think it was James who said something about true religion and orphans and widows and prisoners. If we focused more on the "poor" Jesus read about in Isaiah and less about the people of status so we can keep our buildings open...We might have a revival in this country.

"The least we can do", as I remember hearing a friend say, "is what Paul did. He gave his life for his faith." somewhere along the line, it turned into a choice. I can see the signs now...

Hardcore to the left, this line will include missionaries, and those willing to loose it all to gain it all, but the road will be hard, you will see Jesus as most do not, and it will be a difficult road. Softshells to the right, this line will include those who want a relationship with Jesus, but are not really interested in Him changing much, only offering success and comfort. We have room for both...No pushing please...There is plenty of room.

I fear I may have chosen one while wanting the other.