12.30.2006

The comb-over is alive and well...


I tend to get a bit analitical this time of year. my view is this...faith ought to inspire. if faith in Christ does not inspire me to make the world a better place, lead me to continue to seek after Him who gives faith, be a better husband, father, grandfather...if this does not happen each year, then I am a fool, for faith becomes no more than a social activity that drains time and effort.


Sheri and I were at the mall this week, and it could very well be that there was a hair club for men meeting that no one told me about.


I am happy to report that contrary to popular belief, the comb over is alive and well in south florida.


walk with me for a bit.


we all hide things. men especially.


for some reason, hiding the baldness of our head causes some of us to view things from a distorted angle. how is it that some of these guys who go so far tohide a bald spot can look in the mirror and say..."yea...that looks good."


if we dont try to cover it up, then we color it. middle aged men, some youth ministers I know get highlights in their hair for crying out loud. not sure if they are trying to be younger or impress someone.


I go tuckless. it hides my belly. which seems to be a bit swole up after all the holiday grub as of late.


I have a goat tee so as to hide my large yellow squash face.


we spend a great deal of time and effort trying to hide a reality. some go to extremes, others go extremely silly. either way, there is vanity there.


one of my students told me that he was looking forward to getting out of high school. enjoy it i said. cause the sad truth is, men actually believe their lives peaked there and spend most of their lives trying to recapture a bit of the old majic they tell their wives they had but really did not.


here is the point...


I would just as soon shave my head as comb it over. turth is I got a full head of hair...I have shaved it on several occasions and will do it again I am sure. truth is, it makes me look mean. guys like to be intimidating. grey seems to be the color of my reality now. Sheri tells me I look distinguished. but I refuse to color it.


this is who I am. middle aged and loving it. morhping into jesus a bit more each day. he promised he would finish the work. why cover it? why try for something else?


we started the year in limbo. church attenders on a sabatical of sorts. now, most of my time involves leading a group to encounter jesus. and I actually get paid for that.


no...I do not dress nor act like the students I serve. I dress and act like a 44 year old man...with a Harley. which means I wear more black t-shirts than I used to. still got to get that chain drive wallet...


I am not their buddy. they have enough of those. we do not have sleep overs, that would be weird. I am their pastor. crazy? yes. love life? yes. have fun? yes. but demad respect? dang skippy.


there is nothing to cover up or hide there.


faith ought to inspire. inspire them to grow, make the world a better place, live and love.


faith ought to inspire. inspire me to be myself. bald spots and all.

12.23.2006

In Me...

I usually do a lot of reflecting around the holidays.

the fam is gathering. Lins and keith are here, TJ, Tara and Jackson will be here tomorrow. this will be the first time in a while we will be together on Christmas day. time gets split with in laws...you know how it is.

the boy grows with each passing day. amazing. I love giving him stuff. I love listening to him. talking to him. I want to show him everything. I wish he could be closer. if it were up to me I would spend everyday with him. looks like there will be another boy here next summer. awesome.

as I have read through the majority of the NT in the last few days, something has been rumbling across the hallowed areas of my soul.

i spend a lot of time teaching the spiritual disciplines as a tool that keeps us in the "use me Pile" of Gods tool box. foundational thinking that has been the cornerstone to early church fathers and teachers.

I have realized that I tend to put on scripture what it does not put on itself (Bible). I tend to put on me what scripture does not put on me, nor did Jesus. these things are certainly not useless weights that are hindrances. rather they are good solid attitudes and actions we can incorporate into our lives now that we have them available to us.

but doing is not being.

and being does not require much doing...else it would be do and not be.

what I am realizing is this...

Paul reminded me as I read through Collosians yesterday. "Christ in you, the hope of glory."

we need more emphasis in Christ in us. we need to be more in tune with Christ in us. we need to be more concerned with the fluidity of Him in us and living out of that. to go where he leads, say what he nudges, stop when he says stop, help when he says help, cry when we see need, laugh when we see, but always listening, yearning, longing. I read "lovesick steps" somewhere.

there is so much more that we have not tapped into, so much more we can let go of, so much less to be concerned about, so much of Him in us...

to dwell in the shadow of the Almighty.

in me, over there, right here, at home, at the church building, on my harley, in my car...

in me.

in me.

in me.

"when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman under the law, so He could redeem those who were under the law."

now, the reality of sacred is closer, more tangible, more sacred.

now, the fam is more sacred.

now, the reality and portion of service becomes more precious.

now. in me.

today. in me.

tom morrow. in me.

in you?

12.18.2006

"The weather's about to change"

when I was a kid, I would hear my grandpa say certain things that would make me think he was the smartest man in the world. even now, some 25 years after his death, I get a glipse of him as I remember words and phrases he would say.

He mostly would quote scripture to questions i would ask. but I did not know then what I know now.

things seemed so simple to him. as far as he was concerned, if his knee was hurting, "the weather's about to change."

sometimes I get an aching. it seldom underscores much, but I wonder.

there are groanings deep within when I read certain things...certain people tend to wake that beast that lies dormant. 24-7 has been beating on the door of my heart and it's messenger is not what I had hoped for or expected. not bad...just not what i thought.

I question the structure I have built to do my deal in, the halls are adorned with my thoughts and perceptions of the way it should be. I question everything, yet when the question is answered by a word or a challenge to my structure, like a turtle, i sink back and retreat.

through out my life, I have chosen what I thought would be the way of His leading. upon arriving I have taken the less traveled path at times, only to relax and ease through situations and allow the typical to flourish.

lately there has been a change in the weather. I seem to be less of who He desires in my reactions to people, especially my dear one, less patient, more willing to react than respond, more willing to cause frustration than not.

I am not sure from where this comes, although there is always some sense of dis-satisfaction with the state of life.

there is a desire to be poured out as a drink offering, yet too many times i fail to draw from the well. there is a desire to be in the game, yet the calling is to equip. I envy the students I teach. would that i were on the cusp of a revolution and not concerned about the trivial.

always looking to understand the situation, seeking for more, yet hoping the fruit that is to be eaten fresh, will be able to be eaten another day...when I am in the mood for fruit.

There is longing and yearning, yet the discipline falls so short.

it has rained here for a week. sloppy, wet, miserable, grey, and mostly draining. The sun came out today. called me for a ride in it's warmth and brightness.

the weather is about to change. to what I am not sure. but something is brewing. as i keep my eyes on the horizon, I hope for readiness and prepare for what comes. oh that i would be swept away and consumed by the coming change. leaving all that is not of Him burned, frozen, blown away and gone.

the structure I have built does not hold my thoughts any longer. like new wineskins it has been strtched and is in disrepair. it certainly does not hold Him. never did. I realize now that most of my views and thoughts of Him were from inside the structure.

yea. it's coming. can you feel it?

12.13.2006

"Pop Pop's Motorcycle too loud!"


we have a desire that those we love will love the things we love. we go to extraordinary measures to make sure that happens.
when my little grandson came to visit last month, I wanted him to fall in love with the new addition to my life...my new Harley.
well, as it were, it did not happen. he really liked looking at it, even talking about it, but he did not want to hear it rumble. "too loud too loud...pop pop motorcycle too loud!!!"
so to remedy the problem, I have taken it on myself to shower the boy in all stuff Harley. after all, after he sees the mystique he will love it like I love it...right? got him a Leather Harley bike jacket, zippers and all. Harley skull cap, Harley toy bikes, Harley t-shirt, Harley coloring book, and boots will be next. it may take a while, but he should come around by age 4-5. not long to wait. after all, he is 2 1/2.
just another opportunity to see life through his eyes.
faith lived out in a person who is completely sold out and devoted to Christ is a beautiful vision. these folks want their family and friends to have what they have, live like they do, feel what they feel. natural.
so how is it that folks can't see the reality of Jesus in the lives of the true believers?
the same reason folks in the bible did not see Jesus for who he was then.
he does not want them to.
we must come to the realization that the author and finisher of our faith is the determining factor for these things.
no matter how many wwjd bracelets we give out, no matter how many worship Cd's we listen to, no matter how much we try, it is the will and desire of God himself to save. we are to plant seeds with our lives as incense and glory in the lives of others. we are to be faithful and obedient. we are to remain...yet it is all up to him.
more than anything I want Jackson to know Jesus. his chances are better than other kids in the world. the heritage he has runs deep in service to the King. he will hear, and hear much about the greatness of God. he will see and see much in service of his family to the Bride.
but ultimately it is God who saves.
I am glad for that.
for now, we teach him to pray. we show him faith, we read over him as he sleeps. and we pray for him. to know the God who loves and grants mercy. to know the God whose "enemy flees before Him in the darkness." to know the God who said "let there be"...and there is.
Heritage is more than a name for Harley...it is how he came to be. it may be to loud now...it may be to complex now...but he will grow, and he will learn.

12.04.2006

soap box and cigerette buts

as i reach middle age, I have found the need to become more active. so Sheri and I walk and I work out. Sheri has turned into a walk nazi. walking the bridge has become a delight and a thorn. but...it is needed.

as we made it to the top of the bridge, I realized the need to soap box a bit...more of a venting than anything. we as Americans are so self centered and small minded, I need to be reminded that the Manger was actually a cave full of manure and not a holiday inn.

if you smoke, dispose of your buts in an appropriate way. the planet can only take so many buts on the bridge and the side of roads.

if you smoke, please move to the side of an entrance to a building. while I support your right to smoke, I do not desire to inhale it while I am going into a store. you can smoke till you hock up a spleen, but I am not interested in smelling like you. so please, move.

if you are an active church member, rather than coming to an event one time and offering a plethora of ways to make it better, why not just enjoy...or at least but some time in before you dog it.

if you are not an active church member, then get active. we have enough wussy believers. the quota has been met. get involved...change the world.

worship is less about music and more about submission.

Stop blaming God for the crap you get your self into. the fact you have no money or relationships could be traced to your in-ability to discipline your spending, or deal with your people skills.

God does not exist to make much of you. you exist to make much of God. (Piper) realize that God is not an American, and He is working in the world. you are not the center of the universe.

take some responsibility for your life. if you are fat, don't blame McDonald's. if you smoke, don't blame Phillip Morris. if you are an addict, stop blaming every one else. if you don't like the way you are...change. lose weight, stop using, stop smoking. you do what you want to do.

athletes and entertainers are not role models.

make your daughter dress appropriately. if she dresses like a hoochie, stop her. be a parent.

if your kids are not spiritual it is your fault. bring them up in the admonition of the Lord. make them come to church. you make them go to school. you make them eat. be a parent.

spend time with your kids. be a parent.

kids are not in charge. if you spend more time reacting than loving and nurturing, do what ever it takes to get back your family. be a parent.

if they are more into video games than you, it is your fault. you bought them the game. take it away and reclaim your family. be a parent.

take the fish off your car. at least then, Jesus won't get blamed for your lack of driving skills.

take a stand. be about something. stop letting politicians decide your faith. don't whore yourself out just because of your lack of conviction on issues. Jesus is not a republican...or democrat.

read your Bible. with your family.

stop complaining about your church. don't like it? go somewhere else. stop settling for a community...make one happen. work at it.

pray for your pastor. don't like what he says, you probably are being convicted, if not...find a place where you will.

tithe. to many churches are under budget because you don't tithe. the ones who give the least gripe the most.

the church is not your personal agenda store with monthly sales that put your agenda out for everyone to like. join in on what God is doing. if your church is about anything less than God...find another one.

God does not offer you relief from life. He offers Himself. I would Rather have Him than anything.

for you to believe that God actually wants you to be more successful financially while He was supported by a group of women (Luke 8) sounds more like culture than Gospel. try telling those believers in Darfure and Somalia and other regions of Africa that God wants them to be financially secure and see how that is received.

God is the God of His Earth. His might and mercy know no country or nation. His tenderness and love are not a north American thought. He is God of all.

whether you believe God chose us before the foundations of the world does not change the fact.

whether you submit to His authority as sovereign ruler of the universe does not change the fact that he is God. grab your right knee. fell how it is bent. recognize how the curve of the knee supports the leg. then realize you will bow before His greatness.

that ought to do it for now...

11.15.2006

stolen gates




reflection on the visit of my son and his family usually happen when I view the pictures we take. I always smile. both my kids are married now. both are blessing us with children. both are great spouses.

I am an awesome grandfather.

Sheri snapped this picture. I thought of his future.

funny. someone actually stole the gate. it is not there. there is no hinderance to the exit. but he knew how far he could go based on several reminders from daddy. so he sits and watches what could be.
what should be. in his mind, he knows he should be out there...living, playing, seeking and exploring. he knows in his heart. he wants it...desires of a 2 1/2 year old are fresh, innocent, primal. they see it, like it, and want it.

my earnest prayer is that we never replace the gate in his life.

my hope is that he never stops at a hinderance, but fights through, contantly seeking, knocking, asking. wow...that sounds familiar.

somwhere along the line most adults stop at the gate. never quite experiencing all God has for us. not quite feeling the exileration of the wind, the sound of freedom.

someway I want to be part of that journey for him. standing beside his father, encouraging after the fall, promising it won't hurt long, dusting off the dust.

this is my legacy.

11.14.2006

Stank

we live in a house that is about 30 yards from a dumpster. most of the time that is not an issue.

sometime on Sat, some crackhead brought their fishy garbage that was left over from some event at their home. the odor began to eminate sometime Sunday.

stank. nasty. disgusting. as the cool afternoon breeze began to blow yesterday, the fog of funk eased up to the back porch as i worked out. I was having to smell some one elses trash. my junk is bad enough...but having to smell the stank that did not belong to me really pissed me off.

as usual, it got me to thinking.

much has happened to the more visible of some of my christian brothers and sisters over the last few years. immorality and deciet have found it's way to the front page of the newspaper and evening news on more than one occasion.

we tend to get on the band wagon of writers, pastors, worship leaders, tv personalities and entertainers so quickly these days. all it takes for us to be sucked into trust and idol worship is a slick sales pitch and a smile. we as christians are sluts. we don't even sell ourselves any more. we give it away.

stank.

I am aware of sin and it's consequences. I am also aware of forgiveness. I am certainly aware of resoration. what i seem to be not so aware of is accountability.

stank.

what we do as leaders affect the people who are in our lives and close to us.

stank.

I was made aware of a man (who I had held in esteem for his faithfulness)who had fell into...probably jumped into, sexual immorality. I wanted to slap him. not becasue I am holier. not because of my pride. but because of the fact he had stood in front of students for years saying one thing, yet doing another. I wanted to slap him becasue what will happen is he will disapear for a bit, then release an album about resoration. in the mean time, the majority of the situation will be covered up and pushed aside.

stank.

I love this guy. my flesh wants to send him his stuff back so he could satisfy my desire for a little suffering.

that is my stank.

don't think what you say or do affects others?

we all have a dumpster close by. we all are affected by the trash of another. we all have gone our own way. there is none righteous...no not one. there is none who seeks after him.

he pursues us inspite of the stank. now that smells good.

10.31.2006

SoulShine

Sometimes a song puts me in a place that causes my entire body to melt into the chair. memories of conversations with my "Paw Paw" and Daddy about simple things rise up and flood my soul.

simpler times. when things were not so complicated. when life seemed to be more than.

enjoy this as I did. think back to a time when life was not full of terrists and political ads. remember when family gatherings meant something special.

and don't forget to let your Soul Shine...

sing along here...

http://www.myspace.com/primalexperiment

When you can’t find the light
That guides you through a cloudy day
When the stars ain’t shinin’ bright
And you fill like you’ve lost you’re way
When the candle lights of home
Burn so very far away
Well you got to let your soul shine
Just like my daddy used to say

He used to say soul shine
It’s better than sunshine
It’s better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain
Well now people don’t mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day

I grew up thinkin’ that I had it made
Gonna make it on my own
But life can take the strongest man
And make him feel so alone
Now sometimes I feel a cold wind
Blowin’ through my achin’ bones
I think back to what my daddy said
He said “Boy, in the darkness before the dawn”

Let your soul shine
It’s better than sunshine
It’s better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah now people don’t mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day

Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness
Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul
A woman too, God knows, you feel like this (yes you can)
And when your world seems cold
You got to let your spirit take control

Let your soul shine
It’s better than sunshine
It’s better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Lord now people don’t mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Yeah, shine on and on and on

Oh, it’s better than sunshine
It’s better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah now people don’t mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Yeah, shine on and on and on
Shine till the break of day

Soulshine
by Gov't Mule
album:
Soulshine

10.27.2006

weirdos, freaks and spider bites

I have never been acused of being an overly compassionate man. I guess it is for that reason that I tend to get the marginal mental cases sent my way. It is certainly not a cold hearted spirit that lies in me, but in certain settings, crazy folks seem to search me out.

we got a few freaks in my town. had a guy bring a shofar to service the other day. just as pretty as you please he blew it during a song. he is not really interested in being part of the faith community, he is more interested that you know how God speaks to him audibly. tries to tie up the Pastor each week in conversation that is both taxing and "extra biblical.' so I run interferance.

you know the drill. folks try and change who we are rather than trying to be part of the community.

today was a bit different.

"i just need a little help" is what I heard him tell the sec as I sat in my church office and waited for the day to be over. I got up, went out and saw the familiar sight.

Josh is a young guy who is about a half bubble off. we have talked before on Sunday during "invitation time". seems like a good kid, but is not ready to give up certain pleasures of the flesh. whan this is the case, it is seldom a good conversation. one cannot seek God if he is hammered or high all the time...he thinks he wants God...
but what he really wants is escape from a difficult life.

anyway. I talked to him about what seems to be a desire for medical help for a spider bite, did what we do than began to pray for him. after I said amen...he is balling his eyes out and hugs me like he has not been hugged since he was a child...if even then.

now. here is a kid who enjoys the things of the world. admits that he loves his girl friend and is worried about being alone.

but the heaviness of the hand of God on him is very clear.
"I know I can be a better person", he sobs, "I am intelligent and I know that I have the ability to have a better life...if only life would give me a chance. if only all these hard times would just take a break."

he walks out sobbing and off to work.

I watch him leave and my heart breaks. for him, for everyone who feels like the world is closing in on them.

my heart breaks becasue it is so easy to dodge the marginal. it breaks becasue there is genuine need and I walk by it. the feeling in my gut is real becasue the need and hurt of this kid was real. bubble or not.

it is friday night. chances are josh will spend his check getting loaded somehow. his own admission. and tommorrow he will wake to regret and sorrow becasue of bad choices.

I am hopeful God will use me in his life. somehow break through that cycle through the Holy Spirit and be a friend. some one who actually cares. or at least is trying to.

10.17.2006

Christian Fruit Cakes and keeping with repentance

during our young adult Bible Study each monday night we have been eacsing through the book of luke. the opportunity to read one of the 4 is always refreshing to me. the word is such a treasure. few things in life bring out such passion. such longing.

chapter three intro's big bad john the baptizer.

picture this...try and loose thoughts of your pastor for a bit, what with all the khaki pants and dress slacks, maybe even a sweater vest...talk about you paradox. picture a grizzley sort of a man probably covered in BO and clothed in camel skin. hair all dishoveled and long gnarley beard. standing outside of town preaching, after he has spent the previous week or so handing out flyers for the preaching event.

he did not go to the city to preach. they came to him.

and when he spoke, he did not greet them with words of all is well, rather, he called the temple grazers a "brood of vipers" and told them to "bear fruit in keeping with repentance."

at the right time through an eternal God, this freak was sent to prepare the way for the king of heaven.

I can hear it now..."your best life now!" no, wait, that was sunday on tv.

what I can see and hear is God warning his people and telling them to live like they know him.

sounds kinda old fashioned huh?

let's get this straight...

after 400 years of silence from God, he sends this fruitcake from the wilderness and this is what he tells those who comes to hear him preach...

to the religuous he calls snakes and tells them to act like they know God...heritage is not enough.

to the crowd he tells them to meet the needs of those hurting around them.

to the crooked he tells them to be honest.

to the soldiers he tells them to stop shaking people down and be content.

now correct me if I am wrong, but did't Jesus say the same thing? didn't Jesus travel around Judea preaching "repentace" and treating people with respect, helping folks, being honest and bear fruit???? and aren't most religous people still kinda snakey? you do know that if Jesus showed up today, he would not come to the church 1st. if you do not know that, then you are reading a different Bible than me.

funny how after 2000 plus years, we find it really important to add the words prosperous and wealth to a line of fruit that does not come from the same tree. we are not peddeling jelly or preserves.

man I love this stuff.

here's a thought...the fruit John was talking about may not be "evangelism", it may not be what we think it is. maybe it is that grin that folks see and ask what the deal is. maybe fruit is what is given out to those who are hungry and see the tree in our lives.

maybe, just maybe, our lives do not bear fruit because there is no change. no interest, no passion, no...tree.

no fruit...no tree...axe is ready to cut and throw it in the fire.

10.14.2006

finally.




so how does one act when the one thing...the one item he has wanted since he was 12 is now resting quietly in his garage?

smile. and say a prayer of thanksgiving. and smile. and understand that it is Him who gives all things.

i know I know. it is just a Harley.

but now this one, a 2006 Dyna Wide Glide belongs to Jesus. He has entrusted me with keeping it clean and enjoying the journey.

wow.

8.30.2006

Comfortably Numb, Or Simply Naive?

as I look ar history coming to an end at the desires and on the timetable of WHO made time what it is...

I am a little than more concerned about our lack of knowledge about the signs of the time, or, I am probably ghastly offended at tha lack of concern for the reality of this screaming from Scripture itself. Simply Naive


people rising up proclaiming what to eat and what not to eat, people gathering for themself those who would tickle their ears, people being decieved by old wives tales, philosophies and endless debates that divide and cause no good thing for the salvation of man nor the ultimate glorification of God Himself. Simply Naive

I few years I was able to go on a deep sea trip with all the staff at our church. someone, the bank I think, to thatnk us for spending so much on finance charges, took all 13 staffers out to fish for the day.

took a couple of dramamine. got out to the spot, caught the first trigger fish, went below and slept the rest of the trip. missed the whole thing. comfortably numb.

when I was a senior in HS, several of us went to a concert at the MS coast collisium.
drinking and smoking on the way down left one of our compadres a bit worse for wear. he passed out and missed the whole show. Comfortably Numb

christians are missing the point and getting to caught up in politics and are missing the slow violent take over by a religion whose primeary aim is to kill jews and chrstians. Simply Naive

our viligence seems to have caught a twinkle out of our perifery and that bright shiny twinkeling thing is a prosperity gospel. have your best now. God has to bless you with wealth. after all, we are america. home of freedom of religion. Simply Naive

all the while, the middle east looks at us like a 6 year old getting in the way of a soccer game. Simply Naive

slowly but surely, our prominance will fade. Simply Naive

the issue will always be a Philistine and Israel thing. we will not be a player in that. read the book. it is happening and the focus is not on us. Comfortably Numb

however, our focus out to be about the buisness of the church. people still need dynamic pastors to lead flocks to spread the Gospel. Comfortably Numb

we still need to clothe folks and feed folks. we still need to be holy and righteous.

we still need to remain viligent, determined to carry out that which He left us with.

we must notallow Him to return and see us in a vegetative state.

we must not allow Him to see our drunkedness of self worth and status, I pray He does not smell the purfum we spay on us to cover the stench of idolotry.

we must continue to be the bulwark, the light house and most of all the truth speakers.

or have we becoem so compromised with sin that our words of truth sound to much like the politicians and wealth gospel followers.

"I'm just not called to be negative." Joel Osteen Comfortably Numb and Simply Naive

"Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand" Jesus. Christ, sits on throne.


Pink Floyd
Comfortably Numb

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts,
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more ...Aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working. Good.
That'll keep you going for the show.
Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.


8.24.2006

Saute'ed in wrong sauce

the word that seems to be bouncing off the rubber room of my distorted straight jacket mind as of late is agenda.

we all seem to have one.

we all want to think that ours lines up with His will and His way. it is as He seems to have chosen certain folks with out letting the rest uf us know that they have been made the spokes person.

we have several agendas here at our church. you probably do not have anyone like that in your church, but I live and minister in SE FL, where as I have learned as of late, the crazy train has it's final stop. sack full of crazy has either washed up on our beaches or been kicked off the lat stop on the line.

funny though.

those who would speak for Him about their agenda's rarely are interested in the salvation of others and the growth of the saints. but their ideas seem to be personal. thoughts of gain and thoughts of status and thoughts of well...greed tend to drive such agendas.

we as a church are attempting to herd all the dividing agendas into a coral. you know...kinda like a rest stop on the crazy train.

when all the opposing agendas are finally gathered together and the differences are finally dealt with and the focus has been restored, well Jesus will probably come back by then.

I went home for lunch today. as I walked in, I could smell the onions, green peppers, garlic and olive oil cooking. the smell permiated the entire place.

last night, our semi final fear factor for students involved them eating cow tongue that had been cooked in various spices. along with sardines, dog food, pickeled pigs feet, this left an odor that brought me to the brink of hurling on several occations through out the evening.

the stench of those who would put their own agandas ahead of the owner operator of the Church smells worse. it seperates and divides. no matter how much we try to gather de-odorizers and sprays that cover up the smell, it still stinks.

talk about wrong sauce.

8.19.2006

Bulls on Parade

it seems to be that time again.

every night I see them.
everyday they tell me how much better things are gonna be...when they get the job.
everyday they beat one another down over things they have no power over.
everyday they try and tell me that they are the answer to the problems.

everyday thousands die of AIDS.
everyday thousands die of hunger.
everyday thousands die without hope.
everyday thousands die from war.
everyday thousands people with out Jesus slip into eternity.

I seem to be an observer.

watching. but not seeing.

listening. but not hearing.

each week we walk one step closer to the finish line.
each week the madness becomes more chaotic.

When I was a kid growing up in south MS, the big deal was the Christmas Parade. we went to the same spot each year. nervous excitement always filled my gut as we waited for the last float. we already had beads and candy. we already saw the Shriners riding on the scooters and go carts. all the cowboys and girls had ridden by. all the clowns had passed and all the bands and beauty pagent winners had ridden by in convertable vettes and firebirds. all that was left was santa. and he always came in on the fire truck.

the then cop car would fall in behind with the blinking lights and siren to let us know it was all over.

I had always thought the end would come in a flash. I looked forward to it with great anticipation. thousands have written books and preached about it. it just seemed like all that was left was the cop car with the lights and siren.

the scary thing to me is how we seem to be sitting in the bleachers watching things happen, but have lost the anticipation of the arrival of the Guest of Honor.

Heaven is weird to Americans cause we are fat rich, spoiled and sassy.

throw a frog into boiling water and he will jump out. or so I am told. but place him in cold water and heat till boling then he gets used to it and eventually dies.

are we aware of the heat? are the lights blinking? is that a siren I hear?

or are we just waiting for those who promise us better lives to turn down the burner?
can we see the lights from brightness of self?
can we hear the siren over the bleeting?

Rally round the family with a pocket full of shells.

6.23.2006

In a dry and thristy...

done for a bit.

seem to have hit a wall of sorts.

time to refuel.

6.22.2006

"The Church is The Shit"

before you go and get all "brother, it would serve you best if you would not curse" on me, you gotta hear this story.

our church is in the throws of what we are calling The Summer of Service. not original. borrowed it, as most good baptists do, from another church.

anyway.

we bought 10,000 bottles of water to give away this summer. no cards, three fold pamphlets, to give out with the water, just a no strings attached way to meets one of life's basic needs...thirst. we have been to the beach, last week me and the yutes went to a skate deal with hard core bands, and every thursday we go down town jensen beach to this deal called "jammin in Jensen." it is a street party of sorts, crafts, music, food...you know the deal.

as I have always been in the habit of doing, I use these opportunities to dialogue with folks about their thoughts on salvation and the church. I get good answers, and bad ones. many of the things I write about here come from some of these answers.

I see these 2 guys coming from about 50 yards away. black, metal studs, nasty looking, tall mohawk, and carrying a guitar. I thought it was Moses at first. they seemed to spliting the crowd as they came towards me.

I like talking to guys klike this more than the blue button down and khaki wearing folks that seem to have become the poster boys for good clean christian fun. they seem more honest to me. almost daring you to comment on their attire.

so I say..."excuse me guys, how about a cold bottle of water?"

"sweet!" one says, "we just walked 6 miles to get here so we can do some street perfoming to get some cash so we can eat."

the smell of cigarettes and BO was oozing from them as they wiped the sweat from their foreheads.

I asked them to give me an honest answer to a question.

"what is the first things that comes to mind when you hear the word...church?"

mohawk guy, who goes by "mad dog" says, "don't think much about it. never really got into it. not my thing."

metal guy, whose name is preston, says "dude, the church is the shit! I am totally into it. I am catholic, and I really dig the structure."

so, you are a regular attender? I asked

naaa. they dont really like the way I look there. so I mostly just feel it, you know?

by the way, he forgot the words to a neil young. song. I put in a 5er and told him to buy the sheet music and learn the words.

here are what others had to say about the church, and its impact on them and their lives...

I guess, If I grew up going, I would go now.
I was good whan I was younger, but not so much lately.
not really interested.
my mom goes, but not me.
its good and all, but not much interesting stuff for me.
I practice church in my heart.
people need to be in church.
over all we need church, but I am so busy.

I realized to night what a cold bottle of water can do for someone who is thirsty. I realized tonight, what people need is to know we are full of more than talk about stuff, but our words are backed up by actions. I realized tonight, just how much I used to smell whan I smoked. can't really say I loved these guys. but i was moved to act. it kinda freaked them out.

Sheri and I gave the 2 freaks a ride home. bought them some supper, and shared christ. 2 of the most polite, well manored, cussing every other word young men I have ever met. it was a pleasure to have met them.

seeds I guess.

but as we talked to a couple of drunks, some bikers, and some church folks, people are keenly aware of our agendas.

I am not sure if the church is the shit or not.

I am sure we were the church tonight. and I am sure we are more the church when we are mobile. I am sure we are more like jesus intended when we meet a need rather than gathering committees to talk about it. I am sure we are more like jesus when we give out a cold drink in His name, or a burger, or even a pretzel.

bizarre though. been on staff at churches for about 10 years. never felt like I was the church till tonight. the Spirit has loossed something in me during the past few weeks. feel like I lost some weight.

anybody wanna go?

we got plenty of water.

6.19.2006

A walk on part in the war

I wonder sometimes. probably not enough.

seems pointless.

here, viewpoints, walls...seperation.

there used to be marks. they knew us by them. they saw and heard. sacrifice was painful. suffering was desired.

now...word bombs are thrown. explosions of emotion and dogmatic lines in the sand spew molten flesh on us from hidden places.

trying to justify places in what seem like battle.

philistines taunt Him, and we taunt them. mostly we taunt each other.

falsehoods erupt as if truth, and it must be respected for fear of attack.

someone is bbq-ing.

tollerance is mearly fear with a turtleneck.

political power is the fruit to be desired. the need to be told what to do and not to do is often overwhelming. with out them, how would we know?

spineless debutaunts dressed with satin and pleasant aroma fill the senses.

simple tasks seem fleeting.

no score to be kept, no way of measurement.

bodies are stacked up like chord wood ready for the fire.

where are my keys?

statues with clay feet rise up and beckon us to come.

and sheep follow the loudest bell, failing to glance up at the noise.

purification comes only through fire, yet cooler temps are preferred.

genuine thought is as rare and delicate as the spring blossom.

war?

what war?

has anyone seen my camera?

do we charge or should we ambush?

the manual does not deal with this horror. or does it?

reality. questions. darts. armor.

kill or capture? ememy or friend?

I am pretty sure all I was supposed to do did not prepare me for this.

wait. I did not drink today. did not commit adultry. did not steal. did not kill. said a prayer.

all is well.

6.12.2006

Lunatic Fringe

I been around. traveled all the lower 48. Iran, Turkey, Mexico, Scotland, Cuba, Canada. seen some beautiful places and met some beautiful people.

all is all, most folks are the same. well...mostly.

sameness is boring. I used to have a sticker on my car that read..."you laugh at me cause I am different. I laugh at you cause you're all the same."

there is some truth to that you know. the problem with that is what scares me. especially in various houses of worship I have been in and visited through the years.

it is like we became part of this tribe. white middle to upper class white folks who drive suv's and talk the same language. talk the same, have the same political views, dress more or less the same, and run with the herd. those who get culled from the heard are quickly branded as trouble makers and rebels who refuse to conform to the sameness that drowns us in "anal retentivity". by the way, that last part is a quote from my pastor. he said that from the pulpit on sunday.

now. i love suv's. some of my best friends have em. I want one.

and we are more comfortable with those who bare the same likeness as we do. it is comfortable. white folks go to white churches and so on.

this is where I leave the herd...

there are litterally millions of weirdo's in this world. some talk to themselves, some pee onthemselves, some don't bathe, some are demacrats, some are republicans, some ride bikes to work, some are vegetarians, some eat fish, some pray, some use prayer rugs, some like tom jones, others like Godsmak. I want to meet them all.

good conversation has taken on a whole new thought for me. good meaning real. a real conversation with a homeless man I gave a cold bottle of water to the other day consisted of mumbeling that was not legible in any form...but it was real. conversations I have with my dear friend dub about life and music. real. honest. provoking.

deep soul thoughts that rise up when the herd runs by are my favorite. I stand at the watering hole alone sometimes, maybe with one or 2 more who are like me. then the herd shows up and shows the proper way to drink. now they look with this weird look. now I hear the whispers...now I feel the darts. yea, the enemy is always close by, I can hear him roaring and hunting around. but it keeps me sharp and my senses are on edge. safety is not why I was culled from the group. nor was weakness. it was willingness.

it is not enough anymore just not to agree. there must be provocation, deep thought and honesty. the repetitive garble that comes from the herd sounds more like charlie browns teacher than anything.

few add to the dialogue. same old stuff. catch phrases. typical.

give me a grunt, a mumble, flip me off...just don't tow the companty line if you can't be honest enough to open up.

we all use Jesus to justify our thought process. and truthfully, it depends more on our characteristics on which jesus we see.

I see the one who said "eat my flesh and drink my blood." "count the cost" "white washed tombs."

probably casue the company line has become so pharaseic today. we do all we can to justify what happens and what we do.

sameness has caused us to leave the drunks in the bars, whores on the street, druggies out of sight. becasue we don't want the herd to see us talking to them...it may not look right.

divorce in the church is catastrophic. pornography has become one of the biggest problems on seminary campuses. there is more effort to helping people feel whole than teaching holiness.

partly becasue of our desire to remain deep in the herd so as to remain safe from the attacks from the preditor?

the lunatics of the world were and will always be the on the leading edge of change.

John the Baptist was a lunatic.
Jesus was a lunatic. Original lunatic.
the 11 were lunatics.
Paul was a lunatic
Calvin, Luther, Augustine, all lunatics.
Jonathon Edwards...lunatic.
John Piper...lunatic.
Billy Graham...lunatic.
Lee Bennett...lunatic.
bkj...lunatic
uprising...lunatic.

some folks I know have lunatic tendancies.

I know you're out there...I am glad you exist. lunatics and freaks and members of the movement...I can hear you coming.

Lunatic Fringe
I know you're out there
You're in hiding
And you hold your meetings
We can hear you coming
We know what you're after
We're wise to you this time
We won't let you kill the laughter
Ton Cochrane

6.09.2006

Closer to the Heart

I had an online conversation with a college student who was part of a church I used to serve in. funny, I seem to be in touch with more and more students who i had the priveledge to minister to recently. the conversation, sadly enough, has become like a scratch on a CD...playing the same part over and over again.

the words "conned, disalusioned, weary, game playing" were used while describing how they felt after a life of church attendance. mind you, we are not talking about students who were scarce in their attendance. we are talking about good, solid, faithful young people who bought into the reality they were being taught.

the reality is this..."is this it?" "you mean to tell me that after all this, this is what I have to look forward to?"

we lose 88% of all church going High School Students when they graduate and go off to college. why?

we have told them that the entireity of their faith consists of their actions. and these actions are merely there to please those who are like them...the church culture.

we have failed to teach them to think. expand their minds. lose the box and be free.

we have failed to give them examples of jesus followers who actually infiltrate the culture. rather, what they see is a building full of like minded people who are afraid to be different. a group of individuals who actually believe that the church exists for the members rather than the truth that it exists for the non members.

not true?

allow me to demonstrate...

members decide on style. both music and preaching. jesus is rarely consulted or asked about such things. these are matters of prefference. after all, if the king james was good enough for paul, it is good enough for me.

members decide on atmosphere. most guests are not actually engaged, but given the old "hi, how are you?"
members decide on programs. most are decided on based on what will bring in the most members so they can give money. after all, we are slaves to a morgage. think not? look at the financials. especially after the insurance will quadruple this year...especially in FL.

true outside the door ministry is foriegn to most members. rather, we are groups of sponges who are so full of teaching with no outlet, we stink up the joint. 92% of christians NEVER share their faith.

funny thing is, even though I have said these things many times, these are thoughts from college students in different parts of the state of Florida. all faithful while they were in High School, but are not as interested in maintaining the passionless attitudes they see in us and them selves.

a failure to teach our children, from the earliest age, to think...actually think about the wonder that is God has led to a mass exodus from the ranks of those who are not their own and exist to proclaim the glory of another. sadly, we have turned the thought process that is supposed to be filled with expectancy and passion for jesus, into a love fest for individual wants and desire.

we have failed them in teaching them they are the PEOPLE of God. rather, the American dream to get and accomplish and build up treasures for ourselves has taken center stage. get all we can while we can. why? so we can tear down our barns and build bigger ones...just to hold all the stuff we want.

never has the task of teaching been more important. turning a movement that cost great men of faith their lives into a no sex, no drinking, no cussing activity has turned something beautiful into something less than.

the sacred romance between our God and his children needs to be rekindled. we have played the whore long enough.

do we really believe that jesus died just so we can be happy? or sucessful? or wealthy? or wise?
can the reality of investing our life in his kingdom be such a foriegn thought to us?
does the radical thought that the church belongs to jesus actually mean anything?
can mere self gratification of those who sit and watch the game from the sideline be the point?
do we really expect those who give the most money decide what happens in our houses of worship?
can we actually change what was thought to be a word from God simply becasue a couple of the long time members don't like it?
is all we are about is no gay marriage?
is our rallying cry the abortion debate?
do we actually believe our country would be a better place if we put the 10 commandments up in public places? they were up for years.

sadly...yes. yes we do.

don't think so? look with a critical (unbiased) eye at the entirety of our american christian faith. if we could teach our kids to question everything with an honest desire to understand, we would be forced to be different. students today fail to accept "just becasue it is the way things are" answers. we do, cause we are lazy.

"some folks are not going to the mission field becasue they feel like they are not called. we don't need a call, we need a kick in the pants." jim elliot 1948

real thoughts from real conversations. true or not? you decide. but if we don't have the satchel to deal with the exodus...then God help us.



And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones who start
To mold a new reality
Closer to the heart Closer to the heart

The blacksmith and the artist
Reflect it in their art
They forge their creativity
Closer to the heart
Yes, closer to the heart

Philosophers and ploughmen
Each must know his part
To sow a new mentality
Closer to the heart
Yes, closer to the heart, yeah

You can be the Captain
And I will draw the chart
Sailing into destiny
Closer to the Heart
Closer to the Heart
Well, closer to the Heart, yeah

RUSH

6.05.2006

out of sight...out of...

I read an article in last weeks Time mag that has yet to escape my thoughts.

It saddens me that I have become narrow minded in my faith. it saddens me more that although I try with great energy, a christian worldview seems more elusive now than it was last year.

all things tend to be filtered through the net of Americana. all that is good and well, sucessful and fullness of belly. and while I allow my thoughts to scan the horizon of foreign shores and all the horror that is their reality, I have realized that I just don't care.

after all, the 4 million who have died in the Congo during the civil war there is not my reality. nither is the earthquake in java, nor was the tsunami. as horrible and sad as these events are and were, the sadness and desire to help fades quickly from my thoughts. besides, my church is not doing enough. I have to complain about that.

and we all know that there are much more pressing issues here. like music styles, whether or not church people treat me nice, carpet color, where to eat tonight, what to wear tomorrow, and most importantly...church people are still mean.

4 million people. dead.

Ruwanda.

Darfur.

Yogoslavia.

death. hate.

ipod. outback. movies. new cars. pick up shirts from the cleaners. trips to theme parks. youth camp. base tan. 100.00 tennis shoes. laptop. triple shot venti white choclate mocha.

so. the truth is, most of us fail to understand the importance of a world view. becasue we tend to view Jesus as a white, blue eyed pretty boy, it hampers our ability to look beyond our borders. not only with our eyes, but with the eyes of our children.

is it true? are we actually just one generation away from losing our world vision?

can we as believers actually be so close to not passing on to our children an active faith that pursues the God of heaven and earth and by example teach them to settle for an american version that is really only concerned with the well being and beauty and success of this country?

I believe so.

I could be wrong though. after all, all we need worry about is that we just tell each other it is all about love. right? I wonder how much love those in Darfur feel now. or how loved those in the Congo feel.

as i journey down the narrow way, I am finding it more and more difficult to justify one word catch phrases that fail to deal with the reality of all that is happening in the world.

Luke 13:1-9
Now on the same occasion there were some present who reported to Him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2 And Jesus said to them, " Do you suppose that these Galileans were greater sinners than all other Galileans because they suffered this fate? 3 "I tell you, no, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. 4 "Or do you suppose that those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them were worse culprits than all the men who live in Jerusalem? 5 "I tell you, no, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish."
6 And He began telling this parable: "A man had a fig tree which had been planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and did not find any. 7 "And he said to the vineyard-keeper, 'Behold, for three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree without finding any. Cut it down! Why does it even use up the ground?' 8 "And he answered and said to him, 'Let it alone, sir, for this year too, until I dig around it and put in fertilizer; 9 and if it bears fruit next year, fine; but if not, cut it down.'"


perception is not reality.

5.25.2006

Soul Scratch


deep down in the recesses of my soul lurks an itch. From time to time, it rises to the surface demanding to be reckoned with. Some days, no matter how flexible I am, I can not seem to reach it. I read, pray, even rub up against other disciplines in order to satisfy it. Some days it is easier to deal with than others.

today, it itches.

sometimes it is scratched with the word. A deep scratch that goes beyond the surface. The deep muscles are reached and as good as it can feel, sometimes it actually makes it worse.

sometimes the itch is calmed by iron. The dullness of life can take the edge off. But there are irons in my life that keep me sharp. Some are dear friends that know the map of the land. Some are fellow brethren who are in the trenches. Dealing with the work of spreading the good news. Still others are fellow journeymen whom I see along the narrow way.

sometimes, she calms the anxious twitch.

discussions of faith sometimes relaxes the nerves. Like a cool lotion on a burned scalp, it can soothe the itch. Adding to the discussion can be very rewarding, but most are not willing to be open for true dialogue. Most of us are dogmatic about not being dogmatic. The right dialogue can be soothing. But those are seldom.

The Bride, as twisted as She has become, has been a source of comfort. She is beautiful and current. She will not be made into what She is not. She still has Her Lover's jealous eye.

we all seem to have those things that help us deal with the uneasiness that looms large on the horizon of our journey. If we do not, we are doomed. Restlessness and uneasiness are always croutching at the door. Ready to pounce on our desire to be comfortable and live the typical.

sadly enough, many have turned a blind eye to those feelings and situations for so long, they have become silent and out of the main line of sight.

the mystery that is our God is beyond us, yet so close we can touch. We make less of Him, of His Son, and His Spirit in most discussions we have. The uneasiness and restlessness often comes when we try and see Him for who He is not.

we say this or that, rather than ok. We stand less than in awe and more in the darkness of our own glory. We turn an act of mercy and grace into a self fest.

many of my kind sit comfortably behind a computer screen and type out thoughts and views that compel many to lash out and point the finger of pride and wisdom. We talk about one thing the Bride is not doing, all the while, these things are lacking in our own lives.

we don't love as He does, so we think everyone is that way.
we don't share as He did, so we think every one is that way.
we don't give as we know we should, so we point out that nobody is giving.
we don't read or pray as we should, so we lay that blanket on every one.
we are prideful, full of the world, focusing on gifts rather than the Giver, so every one else is as well.
we seldom are, so everyone else is not.
we troll around looking for opportunities to berate and confront, with not much desire to get to know.
we lash out in ways that show we are deceived and with out discernment.

yet, it is the scratch of forgiveness that makes us all His. No acts of understanding, no works of goodness, no places of acceptance and certainly no sacrifice can be greater than that which has been given to us.

satisfaction can only be found when Mercy gives rest.

an itch will not go away till it is scratched.

Rom 11:33-36
33 Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! 34 For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? 35 Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to him again? 36 For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.

5.12.2006

Life together


got an anniversary coming up next week. it is always bitter sweet though. my brother was killed on my brothers anniv and buried on mine. and in the middle...mothers day.

25 years together. 1st 15 were hard years. addiction was the issue. all that mattered was getting high.

I love my wife with all the love Jesus has given me to love another.
there is eternity in her eyes. I love the way she looks at me and smiles. never saw jesus, but I bet sheri looks a lot like him. she sure acts like him.

I like the way she rubs my bald head at night when we are winding down. I love the way she smells.

she has given herself to her kids (still does) in a way that is unselfish and complete. I can only hope they love their children as deeply as she does hers.

I am thankful for being allowed to live with and love such a woman of god.

from eternity past, god chose her. according to scriptsure. from eternity past, god chose me to love her, according to scripture. I know we will not be married in heaven, but I am confident i will look at her and know the wonder that was our life together.

the passion for her is exeeded only by a love for christ. a wild unbridled love that has called me from the deep. a yearning that has caused us to leave everything on several occasions and follow him. for he is a wild lover, and the intimacy i have been allowed to share with him is beyond measure or often times explanation.

he remains in my thoughts and never fails to challenge, push, call, and chastize me on a daily basis. his strong hand of guidance looks different to me than some, but it is he that has shaped me and my thoughts and my desires.

his word comforts me and cuts me. it calls to me and casts me away from my selfishness. he loves me and has on several instances shown me his wrath. I am like peter who longs to be at his feet, but asks that he leave me for fear of what he may require. I am like judas who has betrayed him with word and deed. I am like thomas who is willing to die with him, yet doubts his existance. I am like the woman at the well, spitting out excuses rather than worship. I am the thief on the cross hanging on both sides, asking for deliverance, cursing when it does not happen and seeking a place in paradise. i am the prideful publican in the temple and the wretched sinner calling out in desperate humility. I am the rich young ruler who seeks a pleasant life yet is called to sacrifice.

he is other than. other than my words can do justice. other than earthly. other than explanation. other worldly. other than wonder. other than beauty, yet wonderful to bow before.

he is more than. more than we have been taught. more than a sunday school lesson. more than a sermon. more than a savior. more than a prophet. more than a healer. more than a teacher.

he is all things. he is god. and my love for him comes from a place I cannot find lest he show me the way. it is deep, eternal, full of passion and wonderful to me.

life together.

together with jesus. together with my wife.

oh the depth of riches that belong to our god.

5.11.2006

Space...the final frontier

I used to be a huge star trek fan. funny how kirk got more hair the older he got.

turned 44 the other day. I get more hair on my back the older I get. life is funny, but people are funnier. I used to think that the final frontier was outer space. now I believe it is the space between our ears.

I am amazed at how dogmatic people are. not about scripture, cause most of their beliefs are not based on that. but on feelings, thoughts, and what stuff is not. even the ones who claim orthadoxy is antique thinking, are dogmatic about not being dogmatic.

charismatic folks, or pentecostals where I am from, baptists, presbyterians, methodist, and various other denominational institutions refuse to find common ground on which to stand. so they divide and gather. gather for themselves a hord of folks who stand on the same minuteness as they do.

the space between our ears is filled with so much religous rattle we seldom here from or can react to the nudging of the Spirit to feed a hungry man, call a lonly friend, comfort a homeless woman, pray for an inmate, or read the word. rather than being filled with wisdom and salt, our words bite and scratch from personal hurts that we continually pick at like a scab we will not let heal.

as a man thinks, so he is.

when the space that fills our head is filled with thoughts of better than, rather than other than, we get messages and thoughts that can only divide.

here is the deal.

whetehr or not you agree that you can see jesus, or have him talk to you matters for naught.
whether or not you believe jesus went to india and studied with llamas, is meaningless
whether or not you believe jesus is the only way to salvation does not matter...

what matters is what you do.

what you do is more important than what you believe.

so come on in. all freaks are welcome. but if you aint got the satchel to spread the faith, keep the space under your nose closed, and let the space between your ears be filled with scripture.

I was thinking about what jesus would say to me if he talked directly to me. he would quote scripture.

I was thinking what jesus would tell the llamas. he would tell them to repent, for the kingdom of heaven is here. the same thing he told the jews.

I was thinking about how I have been anti church for some time. well, mostly anti american church. and I realized I am part of the problem. look at how we so maturely handled it. we all left and took our toys to another sand box. great idea. I am glad my grand parents did not do that.

the whole post modern thing still looks like a bunch of dissatisfied white men who are mad at their parents cause they made them go to church. (ewrin mcmanus)

we have grown into a bunch of spiritual sissies who got our feelings hurt cause some preacher told us masterbating to porn was sin, or sleeping with anothers spouse was adultry, or taking stuff home from the office was stealing, or we should not cheat on our taxes. so what we did was get a bunch of folks who had their feelings hurt and had a cry session at the coffee sop over an espresso and talked about how much the church sucks.

then we blame. parents mostly.

truth is, we cheat on our wives, casue we settle for a lover less than Jesus.
we are addicted to porn casue there is no excitement or passion with jesus.
we steal casue we are not satisfied.
we are terrible fathers cause we dont care about anything but us.
our wives leave casue we don't love them
our kids never see us, seldom hear our voice...casue we like it that way.
integrity? only till I get caught.
lust? I am unhappy at home. she doesnot understand me.

it is always something. always something. anything but sin. that would make us sinners. and if we are sinners, we need forgiveness. and if we need forgiveness, then we need God. and if we need God...that means we have been wrong.

john the baptist would laugh at us today. and that makes me sad. paul would cry becasue we have turned a movement into a freaking wimp fest. oh poor me. I hurt, my soul is hurting, I'm broken.

guess what? we all hurt! sin does that

nothing gets me more angry than grown men who whine about lack of passion for life and love, but they refuse to know god or love their wives. so they wimp off into the forrest and find a new car or a boat to fill their pain.

what we may need is a space heater. something so hot it can melt the crap off the walls of our mind. but wait...that is what the holy spirit does.

break us god. from our pride as men. humble us under your mighty hand. to be men of the living God. husbands and fathers of integrity. employees that are honest. and believers who want to change the world.

rise us up from our slumber

4.20.2006

A Life Less Ordinary

Ok I admit it. I like to stir the pot of discussion. partly casue my views are less important than the process of thought. partly cause I really like dialogue. and partly cause I really enjoy it.

as tmac has said, it almost cost me a dear friendship. but stronger and closer is the tie that binds.

not really sure what it is in me that enjoys the back and forth.

I read a lot of blogs each week. some I like cause they are along my thought process. others i like cause they really make me mad. still others i like just because there is an arogance toward the lack of what I hold dear. some I disdain. mainly becasue it is mostly opinionated stuff with no depth of thought or basis in truth. but I so enjoy adding to the on going discussion.

I posted a year or so ago about "bargain shopping at the mall of critical thinking."

we are so into our own opinions and try and protect so much what we feel like god ought to be like, what we heard God ought to be like, that we fail miserably at actually being able to discuss rationally and with forethought, a presentation of holy God based on scripture.

a lot of what we believe is more heresy than truth. mainly becasue we cannot say yes, rather we have to say this or that. can we not just say yes to all those things that scripture says? why are we so anal about trying to make Him fit into a little box and ideology that is man centric?

The religious types, pharasees to you and me, and some modern versions of these yahoos, tried to make Jesus out to be one thing...come in a certain way, dress is a certain way, eat in a certain place, wash up at a certain time...and he called them vipers, and white wash graves. but when God was preparing the way for Jesus, He sent some freak dressed like tarzan that ate bugs!

Jesus was not white, and he did not have a mullet. matter of fact, he was more likely to have an afro and be black than the pretty boy we have made him out to be. and he most certainly did not have blue eyes. He was ugly. He did not wear ambercrombie and have a peace sign around his neck. there was nothing about him that would make us want to look at him.

yet the box we have tried to put him in cannot even contain us, much less one who has always been, with no need of any outside influences or gnosis, or need from those who he has created.

I may anger some of you. it is nothing new to me. although I tend to try and be a little more understanding than I used to be.

but the descision to live a life less ordinary has changed my attitude from pew sitting and agreement to all that is said, to a seek and knock mentality that has left me in wonder.

how is it that we really expect jesus to make our lives healthy wealthy and wise, when he left John the baptizer in prison and had Peter hung upside down on a cross and had Paul beheaded? Welcome to America my friend! Jesus will sacrifice you and me that His kingdom would grow. just ask Stephen. The disciple whom Jesus loved was bioled in oil and left on an island. But I am sure if you ask real nice and have a quiet time, he will give you a big house and a nice car. sorry, I get carried away sometimes.

I am amazed at who he is. how we try and explain the inexplainable is funny. how we can try and fit all he is into a formula that tends to be all about fairness rather than justice is beyond me. how we can treat salvation like a self esteem matter makes me laugh. how we try and use what cannot be adequately defended in a logical thought sadens me.

I learned this week, that there is NO... and yes I mean no exceptable analogy of the Trinity that is not heresy. as much as we try, it just does not fit. we just have to say I trust. it is ok not to have it all figured out.

"God does not exist to make much of me. I exist to make much of God." John Piper

so welcome to The Primal Experiment. all box thinkers please open wide and say ahhh. if you want a safe explanation of God, this is not where you will find rest. but if you want to contribute to the ongoing discussion...make yourself at home.

4.18.2006

It's all about perspective

A few years ago, I had the pleasure to be chaplain for a local football team. Being at practice a couple of times a week, and standing on the sidelines during each game was cool, as was the opporunity to share each week from scripture.

the most fun was had at practice, with coaches and players. One particular day, the players were preparing for their 40 yard timing. One student, who shall remain nameless, was faithful, hard working and just fun to interact with. He was a small large young fellow, wider than he was tall. As he came to get in line, I asked him..."What do you run the 4o in?" with out skipping a beat, or cracking a smile, he replied "in shorts!"

while most were interested in speed, he was mainly interested in finishing. Same event, different perspectives.

my pastor has a son who is autistic. Not to familiar with the whole thing...Yet. But I watch him and his wife deal with their son, who gets a little loud during the service from time to time, in a loving way, patient, and it blesses me. Others look and wonder what the deal is. His wife quoted someone last night..."Sometimes I tell people my son is autistic, other times I don't have the energy." I sit in amazement sometimes. Not cause I feel sorry for them, but because I see God in them. I see how God uses them. And I feel like that mercy and love which seems like an extra portion to some, is typical when it is looked at from a God perspective.

on going conversations with fellow travelers on this journey seem to take on the biggest need of the one in need. For some it is a deep need of acceptance, for others it may be hope and direction, some it may be deliverance, freedom, forgiveness and still others, just being part of something. The needs of the soul are deep and precious.

having been in church for a while, each has a different thought of how it should be, how music should sound, and what color the paint should be. We all forget that the church belongs to Jesus. He tends to be absent at most business meetings where such things are discussed, and the church takes on the personality of those who would control her for their own pleasure rather than His pleasure.

life and faith is looked at from different perspectives as well. Some excel from a drive that pushes them along, others simply just want to get by.

wealth seems to be a inner mechanism that pushes some folks I know. The desire for certain high priced items to own and call theirs. Others are happy just to eat each day.

As we celebrated Easter, I could not help but notice the different perspectives we as believers have on the blessed day. For some it is an annual trek with the entire out of town family to church. Sit by mom and allow her to be proud for their gathering. Others, sit in amazement at such a thought as death being defeated. Still others seem selfish and interject I am me into every situation, with no thought of the people or church as to which we are apart.

myself, I was overcome this year with wonder about the satisfaction of God's wrath.

because we do not hear that much about His divine wrath, it is mostly overlooked. God could not be just in His judgment had His wrath not been placated, or satisfied. The fact that Jesus bore that wrath often is looked on in many different ways. Cheesy sayings and songs that have more to do with making us feel important than what really happened and why Easter is the cornerstone for our faith, have dumbed us down and made us like little children who believe we deserve an extra treat or pat on the back for simply being moral, or actually setting aside some meaningful time alone with Him.

we deserve to die a horrible death and be forever separated from Him. Sin is not simply an act of disobedience, it is an affront to Holy God. And we as people, me as a man, have turned toward wickedness every time a choice is given.

I am thankful for Gods wrath. For with out it, Jesus would not have died, salvation would not come, and knowing him would not be possible.

4.16.2006

Do You Know Him?

By Dr S.M. Lockridge
The Bible says my King is a seven way King. He's the King of the Jews - that's a racial King; He's the King of Israel - that's a national King; He's the King of Righteousness, He's the King of the ages, He's the King of Heaven, He's the King of Glory, He's the King of Kings and He's the Lord of Lords!

He's my King, I wonder - do you know Him?

David said the Heaven's declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love, no far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shore-less supply, no barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings

He's enduringly strong, He's entirely sincere, He's eternally steadfast, He's immortally graceful, He's imperially powerful, He's impartially merciful.
Do you know Him?

He's the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world! He's God's son, He's the sinners Savior, He's the centerpiece of civilization, He stands in the solitude of Himself, He's august and He's unique! He's unparalleled, He's unprecedented, He's the loftiest idea in literature, He's the highest personality in philosophy, He's the supreme problem in higher criticism, He's the fundamental doctrine of true theology, He's the miracle of the age, He is - yes He is, He is the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him, He's the only one who qualified to be an all sufficient Savior;

Do you know Him?

He supplies strength for the weak, He's available for the tempted and the tried, He sympathizes and He saves, He strengthens and sustains, He guards and He guides, He heals the sick, He cleansed the lepers, He forgives sinners, He discharges debtors, He delivers the captives, He defends the feeble, He blesses the young, He serves the unfortunate, He regards the aged, He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek.

Do you know Him?

My King is the key to knowledge: The wellspring of wisdom; the doorway of deliverance; the pathway of peace; the roadway of righteousness; the highway of holiness, and the gateway of glory!

His office is manifold: His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His reign is Righteous. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
I wish I could describe Him for you, but He's indescribable! He's Incomprehensible! He's invincible! He's Irresistible!

You can't get Him out of your mind or off your hands! You can't out-live Him and you can't live without Him! The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't agree. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him, and the grave couldn't hold Him!

That's my King, That's my King, That's my King, and He's the kingdom and the power and the glory - Forever! AMEN!!!
Do you know Him?

4.06.2006

Little Less Conversation, Little More Action

Recently, after 2 years away, The Boss has allowed me back at work. lessons learned, difficulties dealt with, all is past.

It would be really easy to do what every one else is doing. the same old song and dance. perpetuate the problem rather than be part of the solution.

being gone from something that was once so dear, gives one opportunity to think. think over directions followed, or missed turns. mostly, thoughts run towards what would change IF, and for a while it was a big IF, the opportunity should arise.

funny though, all that had seemed lost. and the road that is most traveled has ruts that will allow one to just ride along with out much effort.

Something snapped this week. but the words "narrow way" and "road less traveled" were bouncing around in my mind like a super ball on steroids. it became evident that the time is now to follow Him and throw expectations of the same old deal out the window. it felt like I was leaving the paved road and was heading toward the woods. no visible trails, at first, and then just a few feet in front was a direction that could be sensed and taken...not being guided with my eyes open, but closed. bumpy and wild but so exilerating.

Student ministry in most places is an all out attempt to contribute to the consumer reality that has gripped our country. I can say that cause I was its biggest fan. but something did not add up at the end of the day. it seems as though I spent more time trying to justify my job and salary to those who I worked for and those who would dictate what i could spend in a year. not to mention the whizzing contests I would get into with other ym's over numbers and budget. at the end of the day, only a small percentage of those I spent time with went on down the path. most got off the path and returned to the paved road.

so what is different? nothing to prove. nothing to justify. I am getting to old to play games, and way to tired of the endless circles of gatherings and conferences that seem to yeild nothing more than opportunities to go against the traditions (which is not all bad) and grown men trying to look like they are 17.

so here we go. no books to read that offers 5 purposes that will grow your youth ministry, no steps to sucess, no formulas to follow. just a sincere desire to follow Him who gave Himself for me, and teach the little mongrels to live a life that is filled with "other than".

can it be possible to permiate an age group that really does not believe in the vehicle (church) in which the Message is delivered? funny. I remember 11 guys and an ex-pharasee who did that very thing.

we are right back where we started. how bout we try this... A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action!

any body up for The New World Order?

3.29.2006

Naked room

we went to see a chick flik the other night. it was a bit funny. I laughed.

after the kid finally moves out, the dad takes his old room, and turns it in to his naked room. puts his stuff in there feeds his fish, dances around....all naked. free and exilerating comes to mind.

a place where the vulnerability of most, becomes the fredom of another.

I like that.

we all have certain places, or have certain relationships where the vulnerable become secure. fear fades and comfort floods in. just as we are. in all our glory.

deep in the caves of our souls, we long for acceptance and completeness. spouses deal with most of that, friends deal with other parts. My wife sees and knows a certain naked me. I got a few friends who know another naked me. we are all trying to get to a point where we are able to be who we really are with others. while it is not my desire to dance naked around a bonfire with most people, the desire to dance remains.

I am glad jesus knows the real naked me. the weird dances I do, the thoughts that pass through, the concerns that would not be shared with another, are laid out on the table in His presence.

Heaven is gonna be like that.a huge naked rom. where we see Him as he is, and he reveals to us who we are with him, and who were were with out him.

no tommy hilfiger, or abercrombie, or what ever style of clothing we tend to enjoy most to hide who we really are. just us in our glorified bodies in the presence of a glorified king.
no more hiding behind certain kinds of music, legalism, or even denominationism. just us...as david did, all undignified an stuff...buck naked before him.

it would be nice if we could rid ourselves of these things now. church would be a lot more fun, people would be a lot less hung up, and we could be who we were created to be. worshipers.

worshipers who are not concerned about status, plans that do not line up with his, worshipers who seek to share who he is, worshipers who actually worshiped for the sake of knowing Him rather than being consumers.

find a naked room. worship buck naked.

3.02.2006

Mutated mellon

I have a Wheaton College T-shirt that is very dear to me. It was given to me by a student who loves God with her life. I used to collect college t's. it was cool for a while.

i dig the Wheaton shirt becasue my hero in the Faith went there. Jim Elliot

anyway, I noticed the otherday the neck hole was all stretched out and bent down. I realize it has been worn alot. but what really struck me was how the growth between my shoulders has grown. this bulbous mellon that was mentioned on Sienfeld now sits atop my mountainous frame.

the difference now is this. when I had hair...shaved at my own desire, none left with out my permission...my t's would slide on and off with ease. now with a shaved head, after one day of shaving leaves me with poisen briars that catch and stretch all my t;s. just a fact.

all my slip on shirts have been stretched. they dont fit right.

the same has happened in my mind.

what used to ne a narrow corridor that led to red neck thinking and traditional red carpet and padded pew churches, has now grown and stretched. roots of which seem very hard to dig up and burn...some anyway.

friends, who I have yet to meet, and others I spend a great deal of time with, along with Scripture have stretched my mind to a place casueing what used to make sense and be comfortable, no longer is the case.

Jesus is bigger. bigger than the jews, bigger that the gentiles, bigger that his creation. he does not wear a peace sign on his neck, nor is he a cultureal ideal. he is god. and now as i type, he is worshipped with great passion and glory. he is a wonder. he is a beauty.

Jesus demands more.

Jesus loves more. more types of people. the homo, the drunk, the adulter, the porn freak and even the molestor. we don' but he does.

Jesus calles us to die, not seek inner peace and self esteem.

the church, while Gods tool for reaching the world, needs to return to her roots. but she is still the vehicle Jesus left to change the world.

preaching should be from The Bible, not am rticle from amagazine, not a book by a christian author, but the Bible. if you sit in a service called christian and are not taught scripture...you are nothing more than a group of people listening to an opinion. and we all know what they say about opinion.

The Holy Spirit still works. we might be suprised where and by who, but he has not stopped changing lives.

God is holy. he does not cry when we blow it. we are human. he is no longer human. his work of redemption is complete. his concern is not weeping cause you aint got the guts to flee from sin. that sadness you feel is your own lack of commitment and lack of discipline. his concern is seeking ourt worshipers who will give their lives fulluy to him. his will will be done. his will is not twarted by men.

Jeus was crucified once and for all. he does not feel the pain each time we sin. that sin and that pain was covered at calvary. it may make for a nice song, but give me a greak.

all God does, he does for His glory and for his fame. His will shall be acomplished through out the earth. period. history closes on his call. people are saved by his call.

as much as people want to believe that Jesus saved every one at the cross, than why are there people being seperated as goats and sheep at the last day. Why does Jesus say depart from me I never knew you?

people seldom really want all of god. most want relief from a dissatisfied life.

this is not iron sharpening Iron. it is a sledge hammer beating on the walls built up by years of baggage and people who we blame for actions of God.

if it is dialogue we want, the the premis has to be correct. God chose us. we did not choose Him. this comes from an american world view that gives us the justification of the American dream. 2.2 kids, pickett fence, 2 car garage, fine house and stuff to play with.

Jesus did not hang on a stick, beaten, bloodied beyond recognition, just so you can get that promotion from wotk that would probably drive you away from your family more anyway. He did not die to give you a comfortable life with no problems.

He died for the Glory of God. He died cause the wrath of God had to be dealth with, elase the entire human race would be taken out becasue of sin.

the love of God is a benifit that comes from us being his crowning achievement in creation. his mercy and grace exists as a trophy to those who would see the works of Him who saved us, so they would believe. (Eph2) but do not be decieved that jesus dies so 1 john 1 9, could be used as a get out of sin free card.

suffering is for those in muslim countries, who are lost with out hope based on a false religion and bent on world wide domination.

we should really try and go to china and preach this Jesus who wants us all to be rich. etheopia and talk about being free from debt and talking about new cars and big back accounts. lets go to dafure and preach a doctrine of rapture. after all, christians won't have to deal witht he suffering and persecution that the end times bring.

lets all go to Iraq or Saudi and talk about how jesus saved us all form sin.

of all the talk I read about defending certain ways of life, I have seldom read those same defenses for a muslim nation, not a budhist nation, nor JW's, not mormans, not even wicans. mostly, the uproar come from defending the right to have sex...ok

not much on world views that set us apart from local rituals.
not much on single parents who struggle.
not much on sin, or especially the need to repent.

mostly on...hey, it's all good bro. just sit back and discover what is inside. it will come to you.

america, the land I love, has twisted the Gospel to fit those who would go against the church becasue of sexual orientation? against divorce? against drinking> against homeless and hungry????

yea...sign me up for that. talk about your mutated mellon.