I have never been acused of being an overly compassionate man. I guess it is for that reason that I tend to get the marginal mental cases sent my way. It is certainly not a cold hearted spirit that lies in me, but in certain settings, crazy folks seem to search me out.
we got a few freaks in my town. had a guy bring a shofar to service the other day. just as pretty as you please he blew it during a song. he is not really interested in being part of the faith community, he is more interested that you know how God speaks to him audibly. tries to tie up the Pastor each week in conversation that is both taxing and "extra biblical.' so I run interferance.
you know the drill. folks try and change who we are rather than trying to be part of the community.
today was a bit different.
"i just need a little help" is what I heard him tell the sec as I sat in my church office and waited for the day to be over. I got up, went out and saw the familiar sight.
Josh is a young guy who is about a half bubble off. we have talked before on Sunday during "invitation time". seems like a good kid, but is not ready to give up certain pleasures of the flesh. whan this is the case, it is seldom a good conversation. one cannot seek God if he is hammered or high all the time...he thinks he wants God...
but what he really wants is escape from a difficult life.
anyway. I talked to him about what seems to be a desire for medical help for a spider bite, did what we do than began to pray for him. after I said amen...he is balling his eyes out and hugs me like he has not been hugged since he was a child...if even then.
now. here is a kid who enjoys the things of the world. admits that he loves his girl friend and is worried about being alone.
but the heaviness of the hand of God on him is very clear.
"I know I can be a better person", he sobs, "I am intelligent and I know that I have the ability to have a better life...if only life would give me a chance. if only all these hard times would just take a break."
he walks out sobbing and off to work.
I watch him leave and my heart breaks. for him, for everyone who feels like the world is closing in on them.
my heart breaks becasue it is so easy to dodge the marginal. it breaks becasue there is genuine need and I walk by it. the feeling in my gut is real becasue the need and hurt of this kid was real. bubble or not.
it is friday night. chances are josh will spend his check getting loaded somehow. his own admission. and tommorrow he will wake to regret and sorrow becasue of bad choices.
I am hopeful God will use me in his life. somehow break through that cycle through the Holy Spirit and be a friend. some one who actually cares. or at least is trying to.
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