my moment of zen

i will write about the trip later, but for now there are some things i need to unload.

i have been unpacking boxes for 3 days now. funny, we have moved into a small apt, have no furniture (delivered next week), no bed (a blow up mattress). we have a desk, a desk chair and a foot stool. i have no where to put this stuff, yet i unpack.

i open a box of student ministry stuff. pics and albums of ALL 3 churches were there. i went through them all. smiled a lot.

when it was over, i became extremely sad. teary eyed i sat there and said out loud, "i can;t believe i am done with student ministry."

it was time to go. this new direction is where i want to be, and where God wants me to be. but the finality of NOT speaking to students each week, impacting their lives with the truth of scripture, seeing their eyes light up as they encounters God in the text...those days are over.

it was difficult to get past that. still not sure if i am.

there are 2 things pressing into my heart...

getting primal faith up and running by the end of june

starting a book that has been rattling around my heart for many years.

so...i will unpack the trip little by little. but thanks for sharing my moment of zen.

sunset on Lake Tahoe

i was attending a mens group leadership meeting here as the sun went down...

alomst heaven.

we sat on the doc and talked about the greatness and glory of God...when we men become transparent and reflective of grace and mercy. we talked about the wonder of God who creates his resting place in us...

we talked

stuff from cali

catching up from the road

i am east of nashville tonight. my butt is tired but the ride has been great.

wanted to catch you up on a few things.

here is what i learned about life and faith from my primal friend Pat Baginski and his family.

theology is great, and i like to talk about it and dialogue over it. but when it comes to knowing the heart of your brother...it dont matter.

being there is important. more important that i realized.

knowing there is a brother there...always there, committed to being there gives a rest most do not know.

for the first time, i was envious of a fathers relationship with his kids. i love my grown kids, and i believe they love me. but i started late teaching them the honor and love of the Lord, and the passion of my life has not been passed on. they love God, but it has not yet become who they are...it is what they do. i pray daily He will change that.

family is important, but actually extends to brothers and sisters in Christ. that is going to change for me.

Pat was primal before i knew what the word really meant.

it seems as though we have been friends for years.

an open and honest heart is far more valuable than we realize and when we live in that place we become part of true community. not just a gathering, but part.

i am more excited than ever about seeking and knowing my God.

i will see my wife in 2 days.

more tommorrow night...

enjoy the video

words are just words...right?

i will post more about the trip tonight.

this is on my heart as i have read 1 Samuel.

"and the Lord was with Samuel, and let none of his words fall to the ground." 3:19

"and she said, The Glory has departed from Israel, for the Ark of the Lord has been captured." 4:22

it is my prayer that my words will not fall to the ground. that the words of my mouth will be those of God and find their target in the hearts of men...through my conversation and writing of primal faith. not because i am a good guy, or am starting a cool ministry...but because it is my desire to be consumed by his greatness and as a result, he speaks, not me.

we all know why Eli's sons were killed. they acted in a way that dishonored God as they served in the temple. and we also know it was Eli would not be a father and deal with the issue.

can it be that our nation is full of men like the sons of Eli?
could it be that judgement could be coming because of how we take for granted as the servants and ministers of our great God. my heart sinks as i think about it.

may our word never hit the ground as bricks, so we can build for ourselves altars unto our goodness. but may they find their resting place in the hearts of men so as to be used and guided by the Holy Spirit to produce life change.

words.

just words

a moment of reality

over the last few weeks, God has allowed me to see some breathtaking scenery, had a flat tire in the desert town of Kingman,

i have met a big game hunter, been hit on, met some guys like me who were on a tour, shared the gospel with 4 people and made some new friends.

it is because of my relationship with my brother Pat, who i have nicknamed primal pat (more on my time with him later), that i write these things this morning.

i have realized i am a people person. i thrive on relationships that have their base in God. living in community is addicting. when i don't have it, i go into withdrawals.

although I am in daily communion with my God, sweet communication with Him has been great. but the only meaningful communication i have had (other than my daily talks with my wife via cell phone) has been with pat.

i have learned the importance of being there. and what i thought was there is not there. people i thought were there are not there.

i have come to realize that what i seek through this primal journey exists in small pockets in various places and thrives because it is worked hard at. not allowing one to breeze through life with out having connected with another soul.

i wake each day alone. yearning for my wife.

yet, i long for a group of men to share the primal with. accountability, not fake accountability, but closet inspections, knowing they are there. really there. committed to the process, time and the end result. Christ likeness.

today i will cross the Rockies. as i pray and replay my conversations with primal pat, the same stirring will rise as it did yesterday...

we are not meant to close ourselves off, even with just our wives. but we were created to walk the road with a community of people who know us and love us and who are willing and invited to expose bad choices in our lives, bad attitudes, and slothful pursuit of god.

i have come close a couple times.

and god willing...

tahoe no moe

i left Lake Tahoe today. after a very long day, i am setteling into the evening.
i will tell about my new friends tommorrow, there is to much there to rush through.

suffice it to say, i love this family.

i go over the rockies tommorrow (fri). looking forward to that.

still can't believe i am out here doing this.

road rash

met some folks today. shared the Gospel with 2, but no fruit yet. one was a believer...i think.

the economic slump is hitting hard here in Nevada as well. i rode by 3 brothels that were closed.

we live in a bizarre world. they need people who will stand firm and speak out about who they are and who they represent. people who have scars from the wrecks in their lives, but proud of the healing.
people with honest lives, with no genuine agenda but that of Christ alone. people ho live in hope, not talk about it. people who live the life of faith not just talk about it. people who will get their hands dirty serving the outsider.
people who are willing to be mobile and not static.

you one of those people?

or are you typical???

i used to be typical...now things are different.

things are primal.

the view from the desert

Top Ten Reasons I am a Biker

10. i have several tattoos.

9. i have a leather jacket.

8. i have a skull on my helmet.

7. i look like a bad man.

6. i have a harley. chicks dig the harley.

5. i have been to daytone bike week, and biketoberfest.

4. i got a farmer tan.

3. when i pass cars, they wish they were driving my bike.

2. i got loud pipes.

numer one...this is where i was today.

from the road 1

thoughts from the road...

5000 miles since April 1.

the trip started out with big time spiritual implications. expectations to scatter seed and meet folks. while that is still the desire, i am learning much about theory and reality.

what i mean is this...the first 2 days, i was so excited to be on the trip, i rode all day. got gas and rode. taking it all in. trying to calm myself to the fact that i really am going to Cali on my bike.

last night i crashed. crashed and woke up stiff.

today i spent the day in Texas. beautiful. 20-30 mph wind in my face all day. tonight i am in Amarillo Texas. getting the bike serviced tomorrow then off to New Mexico.

my mind was filled with much today. much of my thoughts were directed on abiding in Him. resting in Him. Being in Him. attacks from my past were frequent today, but i reminded them that they were dealt with. the sentence was handed out and freedom was given.

funny. much of my life i have tried to run away from attacks, hide or just give in. today, i stood firm, submitted myself to God, resisited and reminded the evil one he was defeated and he fled. imagine that.

i am tired.

i am lonely.

i miss my wife.

3 weeks till we see each other again.

i hit mountains tomorrow. looking forward to that.

till then, i rest, abide and remember. remember her smile, her touch, her hair, the way she smells, the way she looks at me. her eyes.

tomorrow night i will clear my mind of all the implications of traveling and listening...come on back.

in your eyes...

love I get so lost,

sometimes days pass

and this emptiness fills my heart

when I want to run away

I drive off in my car

but whichever way I go

I come back to the place you are

all my instincts,

they return

and the grand facade,

so soon will burn

without a noise,

without my pride

I reach out from the inside

in your eyes

the light the heat

in your eyes

I am complete

in your eyes

I see the doorway to a thousand churches

in your eyes

the resolution of all the fruitless searches

in your eyes

I see the light and the heat

in your eyes

oh, I want to be that complete

I want to touch the light

the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain

so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away

I get so tired of working so hard for our survival

I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts,

they returnand the grand facade,

so soon will burn without a noise,

without my pride

I reach out from the inside

in your eyes

the light the heat

in your eyes

I am complete

in your eyes

I see the doorway to a thousand churches

in your eyes

the resolution of all the fruitless searches

in your eyes

I see the light and the heatin your eyes

oh, I want to be that complete

I want to touch the light,

the heat I see in your eyes

in your eyes

in your eyes

in your eyes in your eyes

in your eyes

in your eyes

Peter Gabriel