"The weather's about to change"

when I was a kid, I would hear my grandpa say certain things that would make me think he was the smartest man in the world. even now, some 25 years after his death, I get a glipse of him as I remember words and phrases he would say.

He mostly would quote scripture to questions i would ask. but I did not know then what I know now.

things seemed so simple to him. as far as he was concerned, if his knee was hurting, "the weather's about to change."

sometimes I get an aching. it seldom underscores much, but I wonder.

there are groanings deep within when I read certain things...certain people tend to wake that beast that lies dormant. 24-7 has been beating on the door of my heart and it's messenger is not what I had hoped for or expected. not bad...just not what i thought.

I question the structure I have built to do my deal in, the halls are adorned with my thoughts and perceptions of the way it should be. I question everything, yet when the question is answered by a word or a challenge to my structure, like a turtle, i sink back and retreat.

through out my life, I have chosen what I thought would be the way of His leading. upon arriving I have taken the less traveled path at times, only to relax and ease through situations and allow the typical to flourish.

lately there has been a change in the weather. I seem to be less of who He desires in my reactions to people, especially my dear one, less patient, more willing to react than respond, more willing to cause frustration than not.

I am not sure from where this comes, although there is always some sense of dis-satisfaction with the state of life.

there is a desire to be poured out as a drink offering, yet too many times i fail to draw from the well. there is a desire to be in the game, yet the calling is to equip. I envy the students I teach. would that i were on the cusp of a revolution and not concerned about the trivial.

always looking to understand the situation, seeking for more, yet hoping the fruit that is to be eaten fresh, will be able to be eaten another day...when I am in the mood for fruit.

There is longing and yearning, yet the discipline falls so short.

it has rained here for a week. sloppy, wet, miserable, grey, and mostly draining. The sun came out today. called me for a ride in it's warmth and brightness.

the weather is about to change. to what I am not sure. but something is brewing. as i keep my eyes on the horizon, I hope for readiness and prepare for what comes. oh that i would be swept away and consumed by the coming change. leaving all that is not of Him burned, frozen, blown away and gone.

the structure I have built does not hold my thoughts any longer. like new wineskins it has been strtched and is in disrepair. it certainly does not hold Him. never did. I realize now that most of my views and thoughts of Him were from inside the structure.

yea. it's coming. can you feel it?