Identity

I had to fire a guy on Friday. It was the first time. It has been with me all weekend and still there is a gnawing in my gut. Nothing personal, it just had to be done. I did not like it. I hope I always feel this way when I have to make such a hard decision.

Part of why it was so hard is this...Men have the problem of being known and having their self worth determined by what they do. Their job. It becomes such a part of them, me, that there is no separation between the job and the rest of their lives. I can say this with all conviction.

for almost 10 years, my career was Student Ministry. I lived to speak to students. It was my passion and desire. I used to tell folks I felt most complete when I was speaking, or preaching. I have since learned thjat is not the case. But not doing that anymore has left a void in my life I did not expect. Although I am starting to see otherwise, the desire is still there.

This week end, Sheri and I spent 4 glorious days with our grandson Jackson. As usual, he has taught me something. something from God.

It did not matter to Jackson what I had done. He did not know me as a great communicator of the Gospel, nor did he know me as a man of great passion for the Word. It did not cross his mind that I had been employed at 2 huge churches. He just knew me as pop pop.

when he saw me, he would light up and say pop pop. He knew me for who I was, not what I did. All week end, it was the same. pop pop.

I had tried to tell him all the great things I had done. About all the students I had spoken to. About all the conferences I had been to, all the revivals I had done, and all the emerging church books I had read. And how I was really able to tell him the wave of the future in ministry and church life.

all I got was pop pop.

and you know what. That is all I really need. And finally, it is all I want.

I am not a player in the emerging scene. Not a player in big time student ministry, or even in life.

I am daddy to my little girl, old man to my son, crazy to his wife, just Jeff to others, sweetie to the love of my life...And pop pop to a 15 month old theologian.

I am cool with that.