The fog that is

recently, I posted an event in my life. the event has left me in a fog with no energy and about a 1/2 tick off.

as the fog begins to recede and clearness begins to submerge, I am left with a few questions and thoughts.

My thoughts are, I had a major panic attact. The doctor will have to tell me otherwise on WED.

Stress, from places we do not expect comes out in certain ways in certain people. apparently this has been my deal. undealt with stress.

my mind is clearing, along with other things but it was freaky. very freaky and real.

a few years ago I would have thought this is result of something I had done, and as a result, God is getting my attention. however, it seems as though I have blown a gasket let some pressure out and cleared the air. I am not at all sure the same could have been done mearly with a fart.

lately, there has been much joy and wonder in my daily times of prayer and acripture reading. The Lords spoke to me clearly last wed night and spoke into my heart "You have been restored". after weeping over my pride I had been set free from it. no longer was it needed to walk the wilderness, no longer do I need be ashamed for my lack of not knowing and missing what God had for me.

so. I will not go silently. stress or not.

Kingdon leader and teacher. It is His call on my life.

as I woke the last few mornings with not much sleep, there has been a sence of walking through the forrest, thick with fog and wet with mist. trying desperatly to escape, I realized the dampness was the mist of His Holy Sprit, soaking my mind and heart. As a friend told me...I just wallered around in it for a bit. the smell of holy was sweet in my nostrils, the security was strong and the place was full of grace.

then I look at the mirror and saw the beast that I am...only now the brow was not so furled and there was no stress.

to many times I havetried to leave this place of learning and difficulty. but now it is my desire to stay and let the rain fall on me ...Rain On mE.

difficulties of life are seen by some as coincedience, some see out side powers s the culprit. some are physical, some are just our own stupidity. I am not sure what this was, but I will continue to look into the belly of the beast.

if it is repentance that is needed...it shall be so.

I lay myself on the altar of god asking for Him to trust me with Himself. not for fame or the ability to sway folks with great words, not the gift of anything rather than Himself.

Lord if it be so, I would lay on the altar, no need to be placed there. I submit to you and your plan.

May I be counted worthy of being you kingom person.