the end, newness and a tribute

sometimes things happen that catch us by suprise. things are said at the right time, a look is given and a realization comes that this may be a new direction.

I have been married for 26 years.

i am no longer in love with the woman i married. over the years, she became some one else, i became someone else. it has been difficult to try and keep returning to that one place in life when it was her i married. that was then, this is now.

i cant really say when it happened, i guess it does not matter. somewhere along the line, things changed. we evolved into different people.

what has happened that give me great hope for the future is a newness. it all started with a glimpse, a smile. it was innocent enough at first, but quickly turned into something more serious. call it a mid life crisis, call it weird, call it what ever you like. it is my life and i will do as i please.

we are madly in live with each other.

she gives me that giddy feeling when i see her. the smell of her hair when she is close drives me crazy, her smile is meant for me alone. she has had life experience that brings conversation that is intriuging. she dreams big and has purpose in her eyes.

she is not the same person i married. she has grown into a woman of deep faith and honor. she is loyal and energetic. she is beautiful and wholesome. she is sexy and crazy. she meets my every need. she is truly my helper in life.

she has endured pain and frustration, anger and fear. stepped out in faith and soared in freedom.

she is the mother of 2 grown kids and 2 grandkids. she led them both to faith in christ. they know who she is and understand her love for them. if they could tap into just a portion of her love she has shown to her husband, and apply it to their spouse, their lives would be amazing.

she is strong and gentle. she is sure of her abilities, yet shy in situations. she looks at me and and i know she will always support me.

she is not the woman i married. she is so much more.

happy mothers day baby...

i am madly in love with you. because of you, i am a better man. because of you, this world is a better place. because of you, i have been able to experience love i did not know existed.

now a few words from her kids...

What can I say about my mom? She’s the sweetest person I have ever known. She’s kind, caring, and loves her family more than anything in the world. She’s one of my best friends. We tell each other practically everything. If I’ve ever needed something, she’s always been there for me. She’s been an incredible “Nannie” to my nephew Jackson and I know that she will be to my little girl when she gets here! My mom is a person who loves God with all her heart. She’s a prayer warrior. She’s come through so much in her life by purely trusting God alone. I think that He has blessed that loyalty and made her a deliriously happy person. I love my mom so much and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She deserves more than just one day to celebrate her incredible “motherness.” Happy Mother’s Day, Momma! I miss you and can’t wait to see you!

Linsey


My mother is loving, caring and hospitable. She is always thinking of others before herself. She has had to deal with a lot over the years, and she should be given a medal for handling everything in life the way she has. I definitely didn't make it easy on her when I was growing up, but she has always loved me for who I am. She has always been the one I can talk to when things go wrong, and she lovingly tells me the truth. She truly cares about everyone around her and shows that in every way she can. My mother's great and I love her with all of my heart. Happy Mother's Day Momma. TJ

be weary, lest you be undone

i seldom link to other blogs. but today, and many days in the recent past, this persons words have left me frothing at the heart. the journey is one of total abandon.

as it was told me, my life is better just to know this person is.

read here. but be warned. the life that is spoke about is a dangerous one.

http://theuprising.typepad.com/

thoughts on mortality

as i am 2 days away from 45, i was thinking on several things today.

what if...

i have lived longer than i am going to?
i become useless?
time slips away?
my grandkids never know what my passion is?
typical devours me?
i have not loved enough?
all this exercise is for naught?
elvis really is not dead?
no one remembers?
i did not make a difference?
i can't remember?
i die alone?
she goes first?
i had never met her?
jesus came back tommorrow?
my kids were jesus freaks?
i failed?
i never call my brother?
we give up?
jesus stopped talking to me?
the bible was outlawed?
abortion was illegal?
the church went back to the underground?
euthenasia became legal?
i begin to feel old?
i end up helpless?
no one visits me in the home?
i can't express my self?
i end up back in diapers...where i started?

what ever happens, i have been given the gift of life.
i have loved a woman with passion that scares me.
i have loved my kids with much affection.
i have been used by god to speak his word.
had great friends who have shown me loyalty.
recieved love from many people.
i have a harley.

if it ends tommorrow...i am blessed.

i shoulda been dead by now

i am constantly amazed at my arrogance toward my faith and my lord. why he allows me to take another breath is beyond me.

i sit and remember my life before grace, the life that honored no one. held in bondage to sin and dead. no hope and no direction. i was not supposed to live past 20 or so. the wild life was bound to kill me. living in complete danger and being naive in regards to mortality.

i should have been dead by now.

11Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men)— 12remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. 13But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. Eph 2 11-13

so rich in mercy and grace is our lord. so wonderful in all he does, so beautiful are his ways and his statutes. how can i neglect such a wonderous love? i can't

in reality, i am dead. dead to sin and the power it once had over me. i have been crucified with christ, it is no longer i who lives but christ who lives in me. the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the one who loved me and gave himself for me.

death will come to all. i get to experience it here.

thanks lord, for loving me enough to kill me when i was powerless to see the difference.

even though...

we only turn to you in times of pain, please accept our prayer.
we only acknowledge you when we can't make sense of the world, please help us.
we only seek you in times of tragedy, please guide us.
we are arrogant in our thoughts, please have mercy on us.
we are judgemental, please forgive us.
we are bullies, please give us refuge.
we are blind, allow us to see.
we are more interested in financial gain that the poor in the world, please love us.
we are constantly disobedient and selfish, please pursue us.

Lord, you are all we are not. you are above all. let your mercy rain down upon us, allow your word to break our heats, help us to see, lead us to salvation.

you are our only hope.
you and you alone.