Do that thing I like...

I am alone for the week. My lovely bride has gone off to attend things that work has prohibited me from.

I am preparing to teach tomorrow, so I am pondering a few things. What follows is an overflow... or stagnant pools of leftover...not really sure

Grace still has me dumbfounded.

I have sat in a dark hole only to see the hand of Light pick me up and allow me to lean on Him. He has also left me in the whole to contemplate my stupidity.

It amazes me how I have set myself up to sin. Looking back, I have manipulated situations weeks earlier with a disobedient attitude, then acted supprised at the guilt of being so damn stupid.

every sin I have committed has been on purpose. All my temptation has come from within my heart. And because of the darkness that has risen up in the past, that still freaks me out.

as a recovering addict, I often forget and think I am recovered. Not true. With little or no warning, cravings still rise for things that almost destroyed me.

there has been much opportunity to influcence many folks. It is a joy to hear from the ones who were affected by what He said through me.

my ducks have never been in a row.

sometimes I ask the wrong questions looking for the right answers. For instance..."Who do you say I am?" not at all like "who am I?"

it would be really cool if the journey could be shared more intimately with others. But, sometimes I want to be alone. Sometimes I do not want to share.

at 43, there is a chance I have lived longer than I am going to.

whan was the last time I was really broken before Him? recently. and it did not last long enough. why? seems to me when God touches me, He actually expects me to do something with it. what is that all about???

understanding grace, and trying to do something to appreciate it is not the same.

sometimes, freedom looks more like prison.

I thought about David today as I read about Jesus asking the disciples about who they thought He was. A bit odd really. A man after Gods own heart. Sang all the time, talked with God. Yet was just as retarded as I am. He never had a quiet time. I have pushed those down peoples throats for years. I wonder sometimes if we really understand what scripture is really for. some make so much efort to read It, but their attitudes are so non Bible like. God forbid if you pull out infront of me....err I mean them. I cannot stand to be around me...errr I mean those people whn they start gossipping...I mean really, it it reall that bad when i take something from work? it was just a pen...errr I mean it was only a moniter. wel I did not take the monitor, but I have figured how to do it and make myself feel pretty good about doing it.

I am all about Scripture, reading and studying and loving. But we need to be a bit more fluid about our walk, rather than pie charting it and calling the big part Bible reading time. It would be cool if we could just get a grip on what we actually read and actually apply it to our lives. Imagine that.

She has been gone for 24 hours and I already miss her. I am such a wussy with out my wife.

the question of the day "Who do you say that I am?"

the answer to that deals with every situation of your life. whether you spend all day asking for forgiveness for sin that has already been dealt with, or how you pray, or how you act when you are alone, or how you sing, or what you say to ugly people, or where you worship, or what you look at, or freedoms you think you need, how loved you can actually be today, right now and tommorwrow... Or what happens when you die.

questions matter. So do answers.
holiness matters. But I am of the mind it has more to do with understanding than effort.
and by the way, if you get your feelings hurt cause someone told you happy holidays instead of merry Christmas, get a sack and tell them about Jesus and why He was born in the first place.
"In the fullness of time..."

I told a co worker the other day how much I missed ministry in the church. being all backwards, becasue he is from a 3rd world country and stuff, he had the nerve to tell me "you don't have to me in a church to help people." backsward ass Guatamallen. He don't know me! of course only ministers on staff can affect change in peoples lives. duuuhhh

be carefull as you come inside. there are scars that repulse some. There is a Soprano's poster hanging up. broken dreams and big hopes. but it is not dark in here anymore. it is a lots cleaner and smells better. The mind is a deep place. there has only been one who repelled down the depths and was not ashamed to be there. we are still adding on. there are plans for another room, maybe a library. He keeps saying it will look better each day. and He is right. I barely recognize the place. even though the wind may bring an aroma that is recognized and even wanted, mostly, it just smells like Jesus, forgiveness and acceptance. smells good up in here.

I understand that.