Coming home

The last 2 weeks have been sort of a pleasure pain kind of deal. The new job is gonna be great, once the kinks are worked out. But the pain has been being away from my wife. 24 years in 2 weeks. Being away from her for 10 of the last 14 days have been more than difficult.

one thing I look forward to is coming home.

she sees me pull in the driveway and comes running out to meet me. Her face is glowing with love and commitment. Her eyes filled with joy, her smile as bright as her face. She loves me. Truly, madly and deeply.

she has walked all the difficult roads by my side. She has been a rock and a place of comfort. She amazes me with how much she looks like Jesus. I imagine Him smiling as she does. She is faithful, honest, loyal and full of life. I long for her when we are apart. I get extremely emotional when I see her coming out to meet me. A tear wells up in my eye. I try to hide it, because after all, I am a man. She means more to me that I could ever had thought or dreamed.

I have learned lately that Jesus loves me the same way. inspite of my shortcomings and my mistakes, He loves me completely. He longs to see me, to hear from me, to listen to me, to teach me.

I am also learning that He wants me to love Him with more than controlled reverence. He desires for me to dance in His presence, to bow at His holiness, yet be free to jump around with Joy at what he has already done.

tears come to my eyes when I think of how I have tried to love with my mind and left my emotions out. I have wasted so much time trying not to be emotional about my love for the Lord.

how can I be overcome with emotional love for my wife and my children and not be overcome with that same excited love for Jesus? The Lord Jesus is a wild lover. How can I give Him less than He gives me?

I suppose all this has a lot to do with where I am now. The newness of life and opportunity is a good thing. I like where I am now. As I try to come to grips with all that has happened, this remains. Love.

all this from a guy who built a ministry on confrontation and not compassion. Based on what some anon posters have written I have hurt some folks, left them to deal with some things. I am sorry for that.

however, if you want to know what real pain I have caused in my life, talk to my wife. Words cannot express how I have hurt her. During those many years of drug addiction she was the brunt of all things that came from me. But now...She wants to see me. Ask her why she looks at me the way she does when she sees me.

in a few moments, I will get up from here, walk into the living room, and she will be looking at me. Her face lights up like the Son. Her smile will be beautiful and she will say those words..."I love you."

after 24 years, neither of us will be used to adorn the cover of any magazines. But she is more beautiful today than the first time I saw her.

here's to my wife. My crutch when I cannot walk, my wisdom when I am confused, my helper when I am weak, my comfort when I need a hug. She is the tool in the hands of a loving God.

and when I go home to be with Jesus, I can only imagine Him looking at me that way.