last night...i worshiped.

so, in the midst of this life, i have been allowed audience in the throne room of our great God. there has been many with me at times, others only a few. but have been blessed to have been there.

last night, we gathered with about 2000 of my closest friends. we sang songs of great love, of great salvation, of great mercy, of great faith, of great healing...of his greatness. we sang we worshiped, we raised our hands and pledged our undying love and allegiance to Him.

it was simply...amazing.

for a brief moment, there was no idle chat about difficulty, about politics, about pain, about economic woes, about foreclosures, about jobs...the aroma of worship filled the room. as best i could, in my own backwoods way, i flung myself on the altar and sked him to accept my boold drenched sacrifice. i would not leave untill there was acceptance and i was consumed. there was no disapointment.

worship spilled out into a restaurant as we were invited spur of the moment to dine with some friends as a birthday was celebrated. friends talking, laughing, enjoying who we are.

it is on my mind this morning as i hear of difficulty in yet another church setting. pain is rampant, people unsettled and confused, families hurting and the once clear path of the future is now filled with haze and uncertainty.

i know what it feels like to be tossed aside, left outside the party, not part of the group, outsider, sinner, thief, addict, liar. when i was these things, it was expected to feel pain, rejection and fear.

i also know what it feel like to be inside, and still not part, treated as typical, told you are not what we need, although your gifts are good for a particular kind of people...on the team but not suited up to participate, in the room with the varsity, and yet knowing i was JV.

through all these life situations i have learned to comfortable in my own skin. could care less about what i do not have, or who i don't know, or know for that matter. i rub people the wrong way, like a rusted piece of metal brushing up the skin. it may cut you, annoy you, but prolly wont kill you. just enough displeasure to know that it is there.

all this is said to get to this...through all the life changes, disappointments, growth opportunities, and failures...one thing has remained steadfast and immovable in my life. Him. Jesus. and through all that junk, even now, worship is that place where i lose myself.

just for a glimpse...a glance, a touch of that garment that seems so elusive.

i will not settle for anything less.

not sure what you did last night. if you had discussions over the ramifications of your political stance, or if you waded deep into the fear of financial loss, or if you wept over hunger in the world, or if there was little thought or opportunity to involved. either way, you, me, us...we all occupied our time with something. trivial or full of impact.

me? last night...i worshiped.

my messy faith

got this from my dear friend Lisa. She is a magnificent writer and follower of Jesus. find her here http://theuprising.typepad.com/ be careful. you may not leave as you arrived.

but i claim it, not as the writer, but the reality of the words in my life. while beautiful, my faith journey has been difficult, messy and downright dirty. there is nothing slick and clean about full sacrifice. blood spews out on everything, drenches the receiver as well the sacrificed.

"I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - No.Mine is a much messier quest. I'm courting Him like a cocaine addict - counting worthless & selling off anything that stands between having what I seek.... Scouring the deep recesses of all my comfort zones for any remnant of change that may have slipped between the cushions... every penny counts & everything that is mine is handed over that I might apprehend Him, know Him, walk in the pleasure of His presence, & in His resurrection life... Even if it means fellowshipping with suffering.

Here, anchored in the sweat & snot & tears & shakes of a morning 'episode' .. my longing overtakes my logic & reason. I curse my brokenness, swear through a vow, & hand over all my gods & goods for another sight of His face, his heart, His soul... Him.I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - This morning my Philippians 3:7-12 is a much, much messier quest - I court Him like a cocaine addict."

because of my messy pursuit, my life and thoughts are a little more raw, little harsh, little blunt. because i am an former addict, this resonates deep. it affects my views on life, religion, politics, and even worship. it affects how i live, my laugh, my passion, my thought.

some are slick, pretty even, romantic in their pursuits. mine is more of a tear soaked, finger nails dirty from grasping at the ground as i lay face down in the dirt and try to peer upward. completely drenched with the blood of not only His sacrifice, but, mercy like rain poured over me. screamin not for material wealth, nor hoping for comfort, or health or safety. screaming for just a glimpse of his greatness from my cleft in the rock. reachin upward to take hold of his hand and willing to go, do, and be what ever it is my willingness and his grace and direction can take me.

thanks L, for saying what i have felt. this, and so much more.

messy. but oh so beautiful.

What if???

what if...

the "christian right" had spent as much time praying for Bush as they did praying against Obama if George would have been less of an idiot.

all the evangelicals bottle up the anti Obama sentiments and put it toward talking about Jesus to folks?

being politically informed had nothing to do with claiming the other side was evil, the anti Christ, and actually believing that Jesus was the head of your party?

the money spent by evangelicals for the election went to their local churches as a tithe?

justice really was an issue we all would get behind?

the church treated those who were not ideologically the same, were treated with love and respect?

we stop using the pulpit to promote politics and start loving the nominal in our society?

we heard from evangelicals on love issues, rather than every 4 years about political issues?

we loved people away from abortion, rather than standing there with a sign of a dead baby?

the media would show an evangelical actually worshiping, and their face did not look like they were in pain from hemorrhoids?

we, as the body of Christ, actually get behind the agenda of Jesus and live outside our walls?

we stopped being the reason people are leaving the church?

the opportunity to be grace givers wins out over brow beaters?

we celebrate the fact that our country has just elected the first black man as president in history, and stop whining about what we really don't know or have control over?

we replace all the time we spent talking about, condemning, judging, being arrogant over the election and its candidates, in prayer and fasting over holiness and acceptance of people?

we really understand that the church as we know it has lost her voice in the public market place. and maybe we need to return to our roots as an underground movement full of life changed Jesus followers?

we act as how the rest of the country sees us. arrogant, judgemental, loveless, separatists,
argumentative, antagonists, hypocritical, the same, talking heads as we ever were?

we embraced the fact that there are more people, more money, more church buildings, more conferences, more self help books, more or everything EXCEPT new followers of Christ, as a challenge to invade our culture with an infusion of Jesus?

nothing changes...and we just sit by and complain. again.

What i like about you...

had a moment the other day when it hit me.

i love church.

through the years i have realized that even when i struggled with my place, my purpose, lack of leadership, difference of idea, strategy...all these issues, my love for the bride has really never been shaken.

the connections we have made remain pure and wondrous. even now, after 6 months, we love it here, it really feels like home. and for us, home is where we are.

the bride still amazes me. made up of people who are different, carrying agenda, afraid, not transparent, doubters, sinners, saints, liars and leavers, righteous, holy, truth seekers, lost, far from God, and followers of the way. she is truly my delight.

all this came in a moment when i saw 2 people who i had never met. they smiled and said "hello, we are so glad to see you today."

she is beautiful in all her ways, the vehicle He has chosen to change the world. full of moderns, post-moderns, emergent, traditional, contemporary, liturgical, old school, and new school. marvolous, and full of opportunity and power. the very hand, feet and heart beat of the great God of Israel.

yea, i love her.

thoughts?

amish road blocks

been a while since i posted anything. not sure who follows, if you do, sorry.

this past month has been a bit freaky. best way to describe it would be darkness. it settled in, and i found it difficult to feel my way through it. heavy, like an old blanket from grandmas house. heavy, and familiar.

light has returned and there is a sense of ease now.

today was a great day. had lunch with a friend, and lost myself in the countryside. rode miles and miles. soaking in the beauty, lifting my face toward the sun, enjoying the warmth on my face, and like a plant who needed water, life began to return. i rode for miles and miles.

today was also my first "cant get around the Amish horse and buggy cause the road was real curvy" day. so rather than try and rush, i lost myself in this thought. simplicity.

when the road straightened out, i slowly pulled around, caught the old man eye, and we both waved. he with his long beard and hat, sitting in a God knows how old buggy being pulled by a single horse, and me, sitting atop about 110 horses...who i like to call Mavis.

i watched him as he disappeared in my rear view mirror, and wondered about his life. i became envious of him to a point. he probably gets up at the but crack of dawn, works hard each day, living in simplicity with his family. the economic crisis is prolly not as important as it is to me, gas prices most likely did not enter into his mind, nor did the housing market.

me, i lust for an iPhone, bigger, faster computers, heated clothing for my winter rides, more money in the bank, lower gas prices and a new Harley. not sure i am very excited about how my life has become about stuff.

i am thankful for an old guy in a buggy who slowed me down a bit today. thankful for the beauty of a fall day and a PA countryside that displays the glory of a great God. thankful for life and family. thankful for a hope and freedom that will not be denied, no matter how hard i try.

yea, Amish road blocks. did i mention that the by product of a horse driven buggy?