waiting

began reading Acts today. stopped dead in my thoughts, when Jesus told them to go to Jerusalem to wait.

more than anything i struggle with this. especially now.

but i wait.

for a mighty rushing wind?

for a burning bush?

for a still small voice?

for some huge earth shaking direction?

i wait.

frustration covers me like a winter blanket...heavy.

but, i wait.

we all know what happened in Jerusalem. they waited and the Spirit showed up and changed everything. impatience creeps up on me and i fight it off, killing it even. as it dies, one last scream..."what are you waiting for anyway?"

thought occurs to me...i really don't know. all i know is this...i was told to wait.

so. i wait.

take it up.

i had wanted so much for the words to be right. for 7 days, i let it mature in my mind. felt like it was what i needed to say. the words had been burned into my soul recently. a natural step for all believers, what we all need to hear.





but for some reason it seemed as though the timing was wrong. maybe it was not the right time.





i have seldom been so frustrated as i was tonight.





what seemed like the perfect time for a word was anything but. scattered teen angst, some freaky beepin noise that ruined what was left of a guarded moment for the hearers to connect.





the words have become heavy. almost to heavy to carry. there is a destination for them, but where is not known...today.





maybe tomorrow. maybe then there will be an opening. maybe then, the words, dripping with the spirit, with life, with death, can find rest in the heart of some one.





maybe, just maybe, the reality of the task has come. to long for these words to find their target in the souls of those around me. maybe the heaviness is here because of the prayers. prayers for the ministry of reconciliation and connection.





i had no idea they would be so heavy. no idea that it would hurt so bad when the words were not heard. no clue that it would be so painful.





heavy is this cross.

take it up.

so much to say...

so much has happened since the funeral.

so much to say, so much to download.

so much to think on.

so much.

i open my mouth to speak, and i am silenced...for now.

hopscotch

of all the things to do on this journey, hopscotch is not one i would have expected. but, thishas been no ordinary day...

yep, i played hopscotch with a huge 5year old.

who knows what is next...

Journey

James 1:5-8
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
6 But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,
8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.