12 hours in the ER

it seems as i grow older, along with becoming just a bit more wise, my body seems to be breaking down more and more.

yesterday was the culmination of 3 days of agonizing pain in my gut. it seems that there are things that i cannot eat. and if I do, my body rails me with gut wrenching pain that reminds me not to do so.

I spent 12 hours in the ER at our local Hospital. this place, along with the DMV are just 2 places where MOST, not all, but most people are on level ground. helpless and waiting. waiting to be next.

we are not sure what lies on the other side of the double doors, but it is one step closer to a solution to tormenting pain and frustration. we all believe that because through out the day, those who were blessed to have gone in before us returned. returned with paper in hand and a sense of accomplishment on their face. still hurting in some cases, but more able to weather what remained. they knew.

people came in all day. chest pains gets to to the front of the line. I wish my chest were hurting. people who were confused, old folks not sure why they were there, who those who were with them, babies crying, and people like me.

we all wanted one thing. relief.

one couple came in. the wife was in severe pain. she was weeping. after the triage, she and her young husband joined us in the bull pen. she tried to maintain but was unable to. her husband tried to get the nurse to expedite her. she hurt so bad and there was nothing he could do. so many people. she cried. sobbed.

after an hour, they left. seeking help from somewhere with less people. hope she is ok.

turns out that it was a record day in the ER. had to turn people to another hospital.

so many people, so much pain, so much waiting.

while I waited, my Father did some needed surgery on my heart. have been given a week to deal with some issues. part of the overall pruning I have been in need of. and asked for. I want more than anything to know Him. really know Him. and everything that comes with that thought. desire often comes with the unwelcome question..."how serious are you?"

I struggle with that more than ever. of course I am serious. look at all I have given up to follow you. look at all i have done. "oh yea, I remember your life before Me. remind me again, weren't you an addict, a thief, a liar, a swindler, and a self indulgent fool?"

"yes"

"so again. this time with your soul. how serious are you?"

"completely."

while I waited for relief from the stabbing pain in my gut, He dealt severely with me in ways I had taken for granted. simple looks into culture that my eyes need not roam. the ease at which i had become comfortable with certain movies I tend to call personal areas. freedom to watch my favorite genre because I am a mature believer. I always wanted to be a wise guy. even from a kid. sadly, i have become way to wrapped up in entertainment of the eyes. forgetting the images that burn into the mind. it has always been difficult to justify, but i have done it.

"be holy even as I am holy"

it is funny. freedom always tends to look more like bondage when we make excuses for it.

surgery complete and I still got 10 more hours to go