Traffic and the glory of God

I am at my worst when I drive, or my most vulnerable. No patience for bad driving. So when I got into a little altercation with someone yesterday, it was no surprise. All the stuff that had been boiling up in me over the last few days was looking for an escape. I was more than wiling to provide that pressure release.

after a few words and a smart ass "have a great day" remark, I left feeling that I was on my way to letting go of some of the baggage I had been carrying around. But as it usually goes I received more than I had wanted.

I felt sick to my stomach. It felt like I had quit smoking all over again, craved a cigarette after 15 years, and smoked one...Full inhale and all. The taste in my mouth was vile, the feeling in the pit of my stomach was not as intoxicating as it used to be. Confrontation was once my return to rage, the remembrance of marking my territory, being a man, showing that I can still give out fear and in return get respect.

I realized as I continued to drive, I was not that person anymore. What was once a ticking bomb looking for an excuse to go off on anyone, was now a servant of the most high God. Although it did not seem so a few min before, I was different.

the tyrant that is me rises up from time to time, looking to return to the throne he had so faithfully sat in for so many years. Sneaking around looking for the opportunity to raise his head, to take over, to reign once again. He is not dead. Because I have not killed him. He stays around because I feed him. I feed him just enough to keep him alive.

Jesus reminds me daily that He is running the show now. I have heard it said "Jesus is a gentleman, He will not take over your life, you must submit it to Him." I guess to a point, that is true. But the Jesus I have come to know recently does not fit that white collar, mamby pamby, no confronting Jesus that I have heard about. He has kicked the door down to my life, come in and changed everything. I have tried to wrestle with Him, but leave limping each time. "I believe, help my unbelief."

as the holidays approach, I realize birth is the first step to death. For me, my wife, my kids, and my grandkids. We are all closer to death. Each day we grow closer to death. Never has there been so much a need for death at the holidays.

Long Live the King!