crackheads and Christmas

I find myself trying to recapture a little of the old Christmas majic that used to overcome me as a kid. Not having much luck. Fact is, I am not sure what purpose it would accomplish. I am selfish enough as it is.

What I am realizing is this. After 16 years as a junkie, 10 years a a youth minister, (still can't seem to figure out when I was treated worse...as a druggie or a youth minister) Christmas is more about reflection than anything. Finances are non existent this year, so pondering the meaning is not just a basic "christianized event" that it had come to be. Gifts are great, but I never seem to give or get something that will last the ages and be as precious then as it is now.

Death has been a topic of thought lately. Jesus was born to die. He expects me to die. Not a whole lot of giddiness with that whole deal. But, death brings life. And for the first time, as I ponder this wondrous event, I have less and am more content than ever. Funny how that works out.

My wife of 24 years is truly the gift that keeps on giving. My kids are blessings. Although I am a bit over weight, the health issue is OK. The opportunity to begin a new work with a raw attitude is something I have given my life for. I could not say that before. Ministry was a job and a career, now it is a passion.

So. As a former crackhead still searching for the ultimate feel good high...I can honestly say I have been filled, satisfied and set free. The scars are there, in plain sight. I limp, but can still walk...If He holds my hand.

Thanks Jesus. For birth, death, and life.

New Wine anyone? Lift your glass to the One who died and is alive again, sitting at the right hand of the Father! Merry Christmas!