Kill it.

for about a year now, i have been in serious prayer, some fasting, much travail, many tears and much frustration over getting where i am today. needless to say, it does not look anything like i thought it would. it looks better.

i laid it all on the line, walked away from security, ministry as i knew it, job, safety...left it all for this ministry i believed God was leading me to.

it consumed me.

today i killed it. gave it up for Him. not to impress him, but to get him. i finally understand what Jim Elliot meant by his statement...

"I said a strange prayer today. I prayed that God would magnify himself in me to the utmost, or slay me. By his grace i will not have his second best."

who the freak talks like that?

i no longer count my life as dear to myself.

what i wanted was not what i wanted. what i asked for was not what i needed.

what i got was what i needed. ask seek knock. not for something to do, that seems to come naturally. ask seek knock for him.

not sure what is to come for primal faith. what ever it is, will be by Him for Him and in Him.

the way He wanted it the whole time.

death aint pretty. kinda messy, kinda barbaric. but God has always been kinda barbaric about death. first he demanded the death of animals, then his son, now from us.

what ever it is that would keep you from knowing him, no matter how dear, no matter how you may think it is THE end result. kill it. lay it on the altar.

I have been crucified with Christ. it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. the life i now live in the flesh, i live by faith in the one who loved me and gave himself for me.