Solicitation of Prostitution

these are thoughts from mid April as we were working through a major life change. major to me, maybe not to others. but, you know the deal...major happens to me, minor happens to others.

As I try and work through the events of the last few weeks, several thoughts come to my weary mind. Circumstances have led us to a point of concern for immediate employment. For the first time in a long time, there are seemingly no over riding influences from what has been my employ for a number of years...The Church. And to put my family before the church is a new move for me. And it feels good.

not that my time with the Bride was all bad, far from it. people I hae had the joy of knowing and even influencing still holds great memories and wonderful rewards. it is just different.

as we have been taken off the "starting rotation", there is left in my mind a sense of bewilderment. Even though we both need jobs, pretty damn quick I might add, and even though a huge opportunity has been offered, there is a feeling of whoredom that has come to my mind.

We are not going to a place with the opportunity to serve on a Church staff, nor are we going with the intention of starting something. We are simply going as a matter of need. As a middle age man with some sense of the future in kind, retirement is looking closer than it ever has. With no savings and no nest egg to fall back on, financial considerations must be part of the picture.

so why do I feel like such a whore?

I have felt sometimes like I left the Church in a time of need. Not that I could fix Her ills, but like I was an able body who decided to work somewhere else because I did not like the job I had. Now that the "Primal Experiment" did not pan out the way I had envisioned, the realization of missing God has come home. Yet, as we still seek to honor God with our lives and especially our decision making, we believe we are following His will for us...For now.

in the dictionary under "making bad decisions", there is my picture. So we are where we are because of some bad decisions.

making a move with out going to a Church is a little weird. But it is exciting.

It seems as though I have been given a sabatical opportunity. I pray that I will use wisely the time that has been given.