I aint Skeered

I wonder sometimes why it really matters what I say. In the grand scheme of things, my words are more like a bit of sweat from a mosquito falling into the ocean. The things I have written and said have made more people mad than anything. So what does it matter?

why is what I say so important that others will rise up and attack? Most of the things written here and other places are simply a commentary on what I see. What I see in my self and in others like me. American Christians.

most folks, me included, are full of pride. The scary thing about pride is that it is almost invisible to most. So when I say something that comes against the broad way of thinking, pride gets ruffled and the rocks come out.

so. Here we are again. Trying to work through something and having to write it out so it can make a little sense to me.

rather than let a few folks who seem to be really anal about certain things stop me from my desire to comment on life, culture and other stuff, we will try this again.

the fear of offending the brethren has always been difficult. The reason is we all are so stinking narrow minded. Most of us are so afraid to ask the hard questions about what we see and hear. When someone does ask those questions, it freaks the status quo out.

most of us are afraid to look inside at who we really are. First time I looked in the depths of my heart it freaked me out. The brightness of Salvation overwhelms me, but the relentless draw of sin makes me tremble.

a few years ago I went to New Orleans the week after the Southern Baptist Convention for a Promise Keepers deal. When I was checking in to the motel, the person asked me about having adult movies in my room. I said no and asked him why he would ask that. He told me the week before there were a "bunch of church people who rented the movies on their remote but lied about it and would not pay." "we had more porn rented that week than any other week that year."

the truth is, there are thousands of people, ministers included, who live a dual life. They live in fear of being found out for who they really are.

people are scared to drink a beer in a restaurant yet, their fridge is full of it. People are scared some one is gonna see the history on the web browser. People are scared they are gonna be found out that they are stealing money where they work. People are freaked out about the divorce rate in church, yet immorality runs rampant in the halls of faith. Folks are gossiping about others and have to lie to keep it from sticking to them. WE ALL go to places of worship each week full of things we have not repented from...Friendships are failing, families are struggling, children are fatherless, and the finger of judgment looms heavy in our places of religion.

my heart grows heavy from the realization that the best place for sinners to be is often the last place most will come because they are scared...scared they will be found out. Instead of under the conviction of love and the kindness of the brethren to address and welcome them back into the fold with forgiveness and security.

the fear of being found out drives us away. It drives us to the wilderness where the heaviness of loneliness and sin covers us like a thick and heavy blanket.

I aint skeered about being found out. Are you?

what I am skeered of is not seeing the one who needs to be reassured about the kindness and tenderness of a loving Father.

what I am skeered of is not hearing the whimpers of pain from those who have been kicked at church, or by friends, or by the tribe of the holy who have set up such difficult rules to play by no one could possibly get in.

I am skeered of getting disgusted by those who would silence the ones who ask the hard questions. The ones who keep trying to remind us "There is no spoon."

I am skeered about becoming so self involved that we forget the purpose of going out rather than getting them to come in.

I am skeered that the young folks today are getting a smaller watered down deity that does not look like the massive, Holy, beautiful, wonderful, mighty, full of wrath, full of love and mercy that Scripture represents.

I am skeered that most folks here actually believe Jesus was a white man and He is an American. And if He were here would live in a 3-2 ranchstyle home with a pickett fence and drive an SUV to the big meeting halls, rather than actually being where the homeless and lost were...Like the bars and tattoo joints.

I am skeered we may have mis understood.

I am skeered I ask the wrong questions...But mostly I am afraid I will stop asking them at all.